Back To You
by EpicallyObsessed
Summary: James and Kendall were inseparable. As years passed, their friendship blossomed into something more and both boys fell madly in love. But some unexpected news causes the happy future they had planned to come crashing down. After seven years apart, a second chance seems to present itself. Can James and Kendall take the opportunity and find their way back to one another?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello everyone! New story time!**

 **This story is actually completely finished, and is one that I wrote a couple years ago, but never posted.**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _*Seven Years Ago*_

There were worse things than to be sitting beside a lake on a sunny day with your best friend. Not _just_ a best friend, though, but someone who was so much more. Someone who knew everything about you.

James sat with his legs outstretched on the grass, looking at the sparkling water under the bright rays of the sun. We'd just finished swimming and were enjoying the warm day. It was something we did when the weather was nice.

We'd graduated high school Friday night, and while other kids were going on huge vacations to the beach and places like that, James and I were hanging out at the lake by my house. It wasn't technically summer yet, being only the end of May, but it was already humid and hot outside, making it the perfect weather for swimming.

"Do you think your grandpa will care if we go into town later?" James asked, bringing his knees up and resting his arms on them.

I lived with my grandpa because my dad wasn't around, and my mom had committed suicide when I was six. I'd often thought it was my fault that she'd done it, that if I'd been a better kid, maybe she wouldn't have found life so pointless. As I'd gotten older, I'd coped better, but that thought was still in the back of my head sometimes.

To be honest, it had really messed me up for a while, but James had helped me through it.

"I doubt it." I answered. "He might make us eat dinner first, though. You know he likes to cook for us."

"Yeah, I forgot you're spoiled."

"Asshole." I said with a laugh, pushing his shoulder. "What do you wanna do in town? And please don't say go to the bookstore."

"Actually, it's called a library." James said, grinning when I scoffed.

"You're such a nerd."

James had been my best friend since we were five, and there wasn't really anything we didn't know about the other. And this last year, he'd started coming to mean more to me than just a friend. Subtle things here and there-fingers brushing against the other, eyes locking longer than necessary, and shy smiles-had all started and hadn't stopped.

Then, there were the kisses, slow and hesitant at first before growing more confident.

It was hard to explain, but until I began developing feelings for James, I hadn't thought I was gay. I'd mostly had crushes on girls. But James' brunet hair, hazel eyes, and kissable lips made him the biggest distraction, and I kept staring at him until he looked at me.

"What?" He asked.

I lunged forward and tackled him. He grunted as I rolled on top of him, and I kicked his knees aside until I was between his legs. His dick hardened and I grinned, but my amusement fled when he grinded his hips upward, causing me to moan.

Then, I kissed him. He tasted like the banana Laffy Taffy he'd been eating earlier, and I flicked his tongue with mine, tasting more of him.

"I think I could spend forever kissing you." I said before doing it again.

"I think I'd let you." He responded after the next one.

His hazel eyes flickered to mine, and my heart beat just a little faster at the eye contact. I didn't remember what life was like before James, and I never wanted the reminder.

All I needed was the boy in my arms. The one who drove me wild with lust but also touched a spot in my heart no one else ever could.

"God, Kendall." He moaned as I kissed down his neck. "Fuck me."

Ever since we'd discovered our feelings for each other, we'd fucked like rabbits. For years, we'd had sleepovers at each other's houses, but those sleepovers were much more X-rated these days. His parents didn't know about us, and neither did my grandpa.

No one knew.

We'd talked about coming out before, but neither of us were ready. Living in a small town in the south made it challenging. Hell, coming out _anywhere_ was scary as fuck, but it was even more so here in Willow, Arkansas. The people were nice enough, but with some of the churches having signs that read _Pray the Gay Away…_ well, it wasn't exactly encouraging.

At the lake, we had privacy, so we spent a lot of time out there.

We were in our swim trunks and nothing else. I rubbed my hands down James' smooth, tanned chest, and his fingers gently grazed down my back. He kissed the side of my neck, and I tilted my head back to give him better access.

Knowing I liked it a bit rough, he clawed my shoulders as he sucked at the base of my throat.

"Dammit, James. Mmm." I found his mouth again and kissed his soft lips, tangling my fingers in his hair as the other hand worked his shorts down.

I knew every part of his body, just like he knew mine. Being with him like this was my favorite place to be. I'd never known the touch of anyone else. Neither had he. He was my first, and I knew he'd be my last.

The only one I wanted.

After grabbing the small bottle of lube from my gym bag and using it on both of us, I slowly thrust into him. We'd just had sex earlier that day, so he wasn't too tight. But still, I went slowly so I wouldn't hurt him.

He clawed my back harder, and I placed feather light kisses along his jaw as I pushed deeper. The sensation of sliding in and out of his heat was incredible, and I couldn't stop from occasionally whimpering in his ear.

"Harder." He begged, digging his nails into my back.

I smiled down at him, focusing on the soft planes of his face and his long, dark eyelashes. He was perfect and he was mine. And I was his. I thrust into him just the way he loved, slow and deep.

His groans turned to breathy gasps as I leaned down and captured his left his nipple with my teeth.

"Fuck. I'm gonna come." He said, throwing his head back and exposing his sexy neck.

Kissing up his chest, I continued moving inside of him, quickening my pace with each thrust. With my free hand, I reached between us and started jerking him off. Each of his moans was like music to my ears.

His dick twitched in my hand right as I felt hot cum coat my palm.

"That's it, baby." I said, jerking him faster. "Fuck. You feel so good."

James' body shuddered with his release, and I let myself go too, coming inside of him with such force that I cried out. With one last pump into his ass, the spasms died down and my whole body relaxed. I rested my forehead against his and tried to catch my breath before slipping out of him and laying my head on his chest.

"I love you, Ken." He whispered, wrapping his arms around my neck and holding me close to him. His heart was going wild beneath my ear, matching the beating of mine.

"I love you, too."

And I did. With all of my fucking heart.

Life would only get better too. During hockey that year, some scouts had attended one of the biggest games of our season after seeing the video I'd submitted, and I'd been recruited to University of Arkansas. It wasn't my top choice, but the school I _really_ wanted to attend-one in California-had chosen someone else over me.

It had hurt like hell, but playing hockey was all I wanted to do, so at least I'd get that chance at U of A.

James was going for English Lit. Plans had already been made. He would room with me at school and we'd probably end up fucking each other's brains out every day between classes. We'd come out and no longer hide who we were. No longer hide that we were in love.

Every day would be spent together, laughing, fucking, and loving. Creating a life together.

Finally able to move, I rolled off him and lay by his side, staring up at the blue sky. My eyes were heavy, and I started nodding off. I felt James move but didn't look to see what he was doing. The sun warmed my skin and felt so great after having one damn good orgasm.

Cool water hit my chest.

"Shit!" I sat up, suddenly wide awake. James stood knee deep in the lake a few feet away. "Did you seriously just throw water on me?"

"I don't know. Did I?" He smirked as he bent and cupped more water in his palms before doing it again.

"You are so dead." I pulled my swim trunks back on and leapt at him.

He squealed as I pushed him farther out in the lake.

In the deeper water, a dunking war ensued between us, which I might have gone a bit easy on him so I didn't kick his ass _that_ bad.

Everything was perfect, and I couldn't have been happier.

* * *

 **Done! So, this is actually the first part of the prologue, which takes place in the past and will run for two more chapters before jumping to the present day.**

 **I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will be up tomorrow, with another coming this weekend, so you won't have to wait too long for those.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with the second part of the prologue!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read the first chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Finding love was one of those things in life that not everyone experienced. And I'd found it with Kendall. What sucked was not being able to scream it to the world that I'd found my soulmate, the one person who completed me. I hadn't known I wasn't whole, until Kendall became my missing piece.

But we couldn't tell anyone. Not yet.

Not sure why. Other gay couples in our town hadn't been chased away with pitchforks or anything. Maybe it was peer pressure or just the thought of being categorized as _different_ that stopped us. Being a teenager was hard enough, and neither of us really wanted to add shit on top of that.

Kendall was on our high school hockey team. I was on the team too, even though I wasn't quite as good as Kendall. My main advantage on the ice was my speed. I could weave through the other players and outrun them. Hockey wasn't something I wanted to do long-term, just something I enjoyed while in school.

Kendall, however, lived for it. His dream had always been to play pro-hockey.

When he was scouted, he really wanted to attend a college in California that had a Trojan for a mascot, which had caused some taunting on my part about him being a massive condom. Another guy got the spot he wanted, though, so he'd settled for going to one of the best colleges here in Arkansas.

Secretly, I was happy about it, and I knew that made me an awful best friend.

If he'd gone to California, I wouldn't have been able to go with him. One, I couldn't afford an expensive school like that, and that was if they even accepted me. Two, I loved my life here in Arkansas. I'd already made friends during the few times I visited the college campus that we were attending, and I'd talked to the head of the English department about the curriculum for the first semester. They even had a Shakespeare seminar that I was freaking excited for.

So, although selfishly, I was happy that Kendall wasn't leaving.

At the library that evening, I searched the shelves for Homer's The Iliad. School had just ended, but it was never too early to get a start on my summer reading list. I was a huge lover of the classics, and I wanted to study classic literature in college.

"Aha. Gotcha." I said when I saw the spine of it. After taking it off the shelf, I flipped it open, loving the smell of the pages. Seeing Kendall's amused expression, I placed it under his nose. "Here. Smell."

I proceeded to flip the pages, making _ooh_ and _ahh_ sounds.

"God you're such a nerd." He said, fighting a smile. He leaned on the shelf and arched a brow. "Now that you found your little book, you ready to go? I thought we could catch a seven o'clock movie before we head home."

His green eyes made my stomach flutter and one glance at his sexy as sin lips took away any intelligent thought in my head. I almost kissed him right then, but I had to remind myself where we were.

Too many people were around.

"Yeah, I'm done." I said, hugging the book to my chest. "What do you wanna watch?"

"I don't know. Maybe Bridesmaids?" He answered before giving me a silly grin. "I'm in the mood for a chick flick."

"Sounds fun."

His taste in movies-and music-was eclectic. He loved all types. Kendall was the kind of guy who got hyped up for the big actions films like Transformers and pretty much any Marvel movie ever, but he also liked chick flicks, horror, suspense, and tear-jerker movies. And Disney. He was a connoisseur when it came to those. When we watched them together-something we'd done when we were kids and for some reason he still required us to do-we had epic singalongs.

After I checked out the book, we left the library and headed toward the movie theatre. It was a small town, so we only had one theatre, but it was a nice one, having just been built a year before.

Once we bought our tickets and concessions, we went into the theatre. No one else was in the theatre with us, so we sat in the very back row with our two large drinks and huge bucket of popcorn. We made our own commentary as the movie played and laughed at the ridiculous shit that spewed from our mouths.

Over halfway through, our attention drifted from the movie and to each other.

Kendall softly kissed my neck, and it sent chills up and down my arms. His hand roamed across the top of my leg and trailed my inner thigh as his kisses on my neck turned to gentle bites.

"No hickies." I said with a laugh, a laugh that was cut-off with a sharp gasp as he sucked hard at the base of my throat. He started rubbing the growing bulge through my jeans and I was already close to losing it. "Fuck. Okay. Don't stop."

"Know what I'm gonna do?" He moved his face close to mine, and even in the dim theatre, I saw the devilish grin.

I shook my head, and that grin widened. He slid out of the seat, causing it to flip back up, and he moved between my legs. My jeans were unzipped in record time, he pulled them down and my dick sprang out.

And when his lips surrounded my tip, I groaned. The wet heat of his mouth was mind-blowing. He gave me head right there in the theatre, and when I started coming, I had to clench my jaw to keep from moaning too loud.

Kendall swallowed every last drop and licked me from base to tip one last time before tucking my dick back into my pants.

I was about to get on the floor to repay the favor, but the credits started rolling, and the house lights came back on. The ushers would be in soon to clean the theatre. We stood, walked down the steps, and went out into the hall.

My muscles felt wonky after the orgasm, and Kendall smirked as we passed the workers. I could tell he wanted to hold my hand as we went through the main lobby by how his knuckles brushed against mine. But we didn't.

"Wanna take the back way to my house?" I asked once we were in his car.

"Hell yeah." He answered, finally grabbing my hand and linking our fingers.

He knew exactly what I meant.

The back way was a dirt road that hardly anyone ever drove down. When we were younger, we'd walked the road and had some pretty epic adventures. Now, we had a different type of adventure. Kendall and I had often pulled off to the side of the road and into the trees to have sex. With having to hide our relationship from everyone at school, my parents, and his grandpa… well, it was hard to find places for that.

Still feeling a bit sore from the few times we'd already had sex that day, I gave him a blowjob instead. He tugged on my hair so hard during it that my scalp ached a little bit, but I loved it.

I loved it all. The feel and taste of him, the sounds he made, the way his muscles moved beneath his skin.

Afterward, we heavily made out in our secret spot. He squeezed my ass as his tongue tangled with mine. Our labored breaths blended as one, as did the beating of our hearts.

The quiet sighs and moans leaving Kendall as I straddled him in the back of his car were my favorite sounds. I loved being the one to give him that kind of satisfaction.

"I fucking love you." He whispered, nuzzling his forehead against mine as he splayed his hands on my lower back. "You're everything to me, Jay."

I hugged his neck and ran my fingers through the blond strands of his hair. "It doesn't really seem like enough, does it? Saying I love you. Those words seem too small to explain the way I feel."

"Look at you being all mushy." He chuckled and moved his hands up my spine. "Probably all that Shakespeare you read, my little literary genius."

It tingled where his fingers touched my bare skin.

"Hey, don't mock my Shakespeare. But I'd say he was better known for his comedies and tragedies." I pointed out. "Sure, there was romance too and the relationships were a huge part of the plot, but not exactly pure romance."

"You're joking, right?" Kendall asked. "Romeo and Juliet is a romance. How can you say Shakespeare isn't romantic?"

"Romeo was a fickle bastard who jumped from one girl to the next in like the same night, and Juliet was young and naive." I explained, gliding my thumb along the sensitive spot below his ear. "They were infatuated with each other, but it wasn't true love. Sure as hell isn't a romance and-"

"Oh, excuse _me_." Kendall interrupted before biting at my throat. "So many people would bite your head off for that kind of talk. That play is like the number one best classic romance ever."

"It ends in death, so technically, it's _not_ a romance." I explained. "Shakespeare's work is phenomenal, and he had an amazing way with words. But the romances in his plays usually ended in tragedy. All are amazing, don't get me wrong, but a happy ending is needed for it to be classified as such."

"So you're saying that a romance that ends in a tragedy isn't a romance?" Kendall asked, challenging me.

"Exactly."

"So, if I died tomorrow," He continued. "Would our love not be a romance?"

"Don't even joke about that." I said, refusing to even think about a life without him. "We'll always be together."

"Just like we always have been." He said, making my heart swell.

I stared into his green eyes and stroked the line of his jaw. "Okay, enough Shakespeare talk." I said before looking at the dashboard clock. "I have to be home soon. Now shut up and kiss me."

He smirked as he gripped my nape and pulled me closer. Gently, he touched his lips to mine before deepening the kiss. We'd been in a lip-lock for so long that my lips began to chap, but I didn't care. He was worth it.

"We should probably go." He said after breaking the kiss. His unmoving arms around my waist told me he'd rather do the opposite.

"Yeah. If I'm out any later, my dad will freak out."

If I'd known what was going to happen in the next few days… I would've never let us leave that spot.

XxX

Waking up to the sun shining through my window, I winced at the assault on my eyes. I turned my head the other way on the pillow and tried to go back to sleep. Right as I shut my eyes, my alarm sounded.

I worked at my parents' diner on weekends, and I had to be there by nine. The pay wasn't much, but I enjoyed helping them out. They'd had the place ever since I could remember, and a lot of my childhood had been spent with Kendall as we ran around the diner causing trouble. There was a section in the back for kids, and I knew it was because of us that my parents added it.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes before grabbing my phone to kill the alarm. A new text message was on the screen, and I clicked to open it.

 _Kendall: You need to rethink your stance on the whole Shakespeare thing, dude. "I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest." That shit is beautiful._

Smiling, I texted back.

 _Me: Looks like someone had fun on Google way too early this morning. But, ok. You may have a point with that one. What you doing today?_

 _Kendall: Idk. Probably hang out with you at the diner._

 _Me: Okay, stalker. See you in a bit?_

 _Kendall: Lol. Ok._

I rolled my eyes at the heart emoji that he added at the end of his message, even though I thought it was cute.

After getting out of bed and going to the bathroom, I took a quick shower before getting dressed. There was a McDonalds down the road, so I'd just stop in to get breakfast there instead of trying to scrounge around the kitchen for something.

I went through the drive-thru and scarfed down the sausage biscuit before pulling into the diner. Mom's car was there, and I parked beside it. Dad told me good morning as I walked into the back office, and I groaned as usual for having to be up early. He chuckled.

"There's coffee." Dad said, adjusting the glasses on his nose. "Help yourself to some before talking to the customers, so you don't snap on them."

I laughed, knowing he had a point. Me before coffee was a scary sight.

Caffeinated and no longer plotting murder to those around me, I took customers' orders and served their food. The morning went on as normal. I kept looking out the front windows to see if Kendall had pulled in yet, but he still hadn't shown up.

My eyes focused on the spot at the bar he liked to sit and talk to me while eating his breakfast platter of pancakes, hash browns, eggs, and bacon. A weird feeling went through me at seeing it so empty.

I couldn't explain it, but it seemed symbolic in some way.

By mid-afternoon, I got a break, and the first thing I did was grab my phone and called him. It rang. And rang. No answer. My hands started shaking, and I re-dialed him. An unsettling feeling landed in the pit of my stomach, and when he didn't answer for the fourth time, I called him again.

His words from the night before went through my head. _"If I died tomorrow, would our love not be a romance?"_

I felt like I was going to puke.

I was just about to go into full panic mode, when the jerk face finally decided to answer his goddamn phone.

"Hey!" He said, and that one word was the best thing I'd head all day.

"For fuck's sake, Ken, I was about to send out a rescue team for your stupid ass." I said in a rush, shaking with relief. "I thought you were coming to the diner. What's up?"

"James, I have some fucking amazing news. I don't want to tell you over the phone, though. Come over when you get off work, okay?"

"Okay." I said, curious. I didn't like surprises, so with that curiosity was also nerves. "See you later."

The day dragged ass after that, as if the universe was having a nice laugh at my expense. The clock moved super slow, and minutes seemed to last hours. By the time I was finally able to leave, it was around five o'clock.

I told my parents bye before hightailing it out of the diner and getting into my car.

When I got to Kendall's house, I jogged up the steps and didn't even knock on the door before going inside. I went over there so much that I practically lived there, and Bill-Kendall's grandpa-had even made a joke before that he was going to start charging me rent.

"James?" Bill asked before rounding the corner into the living room.

"Yeah, it's me, Grandpa." I said. And yeah, I'd started calling him that years ago. "Where's Kendall?"

"He told me to tell you he's at the lake." He answered with a smile. "Have you eaten dinner? I'm cooking and it should be ready in about thirty minutes."

"Sounds great!"

Back outside, I jogged to the woods and found the trail through the trees that led me to the lake. The suspense was killing me. Anxiety bubbled inside my chest, and I ran faster, jumping over tree stumps and dodging thorn bushes. One snagged my leg, and I tore my pants free before continuing down the dirt path.

That unexplainable feeling I'd had earlier at the diner returned.

And I suspected that whatever Kendall had to say...it was going to change everything.

* * *

 **Done! So, there you have it. We got to see a bit if James' POV this chapter.**

 **I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will be the last part of the prologue and will reveal what separated Kames. That will be up this weekend!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello again everyone! We've made it to final part of the prologue!**

 **Before we get into the chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

At the lake, I bounced on my heels as I waited for James. I still couldn't believe the call I'd received hours earlier. It felt like a dream, and I had to pinch myself several times to make sure it wasn't. My face hurt from smiling so much.

"Ken?" James came through the trees and to where I stood on the grass. "What's up?"

Unable to contain my excitement a moment longer, I leapt at him and threw my arms around his neck. He grunted as my body slammed into his.

"You're not gonna believe who called me today." I said, stepping back so I could see him better.

His brow scrunched. "Oprah?"

"Yes, Oprah." I rolled my eyes. "Dude. It was a coach from USC! I guess one of the guys they recruited got into some trouble last week, and they dropped him. They didn't want him reflecting badly on the team."

University of Southern California. I was still in a state of shock.

James' stare was unwavering. "Okay...so what did they want with you? Recruiting ended in April."

"That's the thing." I said, becoming even more excited as I talked. "They said this rarely happens, but they can't have that guy play for them because of the criminal record thing. And since I showed so much interest in playing for them at camp last summer, they checked out my film I'd sent in of one our best hockey games we'd had, and they asked if I'd already committed to another school. James, they want me! A Division 1 college!"

James' reaction wasn't what I expected. Instead of looking happy for me, he seemed… I don't know. Upset.

"Awesome." He said. "What did you tell them?"

Huh? Did he hear what I'd said?

"You're shitting me, right? I told them yes." My excitement was waning.

"What about us?" James asked. "We had plans to go to U of A. To room together and finally come out together. You can still play hockey here."

"USC has a fucking amazing hockey program, Jay, and have sent a shit load of players to the pro level. And you know that's my dream." I stared at him, confused by how angry he was. "Why can't you just be happy for me?"

"Because it means I'm losing you, you asshole!" He shoved my chest, but it wasn't hard enough to move me much. Tears welled in his eyes. "Don't you get that? Or are you too fucking dimwitted to understand? You going to California means we'll be apart."

I hadn't thought that far ahead, but now that he'd pointed it out, the weight of the decision sunk in.

"Come with me then." I suggested, grabbing his hand. "There's still time to apply and get late admission. We can still do everything we planned. Just in a different place."

"Do you know how difficult it is to get accepted there?" He yanked his hand from mine, and the action was like a slash to my chest. "And even if by some miracle they _did_ accept me and I could afford it, what then? You seriously expect me to drop everything and just go with you, as if I didn't have dreams of my own? My family and friends are here, Kendall."

My heart pounded so hard I thought it might burst through my ribcage.

"You're an English Lit major. You can do that anywhere. It's no big deal." Right as the words slipped out of my mouth, I regretted them.

"Yeah, I forgot I'm not a hotshot, All-American athlete like you. My goals don't matter." James stepped back. "California has always been _your_ dream. Not mine."

"For fuck's sake, James, can't you at least be a supportive best friend for a minute and be happy for me?" I asked, shaking my head. "This is my dream college, a fucking competitive one too, and they want _me_."

"I _am_ happy for you." He said in a softer tone. "I love you more than anything and I want you to be happy. But if you leave, I can't come with you."

"Can't or won't?" I snapped.

James didn't respond. He just held my gaze with his sad hazel eyes.

"You just won't come with me, because you're a fucking coward." I said, glaring at him. "Mr. Routine and Predictability can't handle change."

"Don't be like that." James said. "This is my home, Ken."

"Yeah? Well, I don't want to be stuck in this town forever." I responded, trying to control my anger. We'd always said we'd follow each other everywhere and I couldn't believe he was doing this. "I settled with U of A because the school I wanted chose someone else. I was never happy about it."

"Oh." James glared and crossed his arms. "You were just _settling_ with me then."

"Goddammit, that's not what I said!" I snapped. Blood rushed through my veins like fire, and I clenched my jaw. "You're being selfish."

At first he didn't say anything. He walked to the edge of the lake and looked out over it. I walked up beside him, fighting the urge to pull him into my arms.

I was so pissed at him, but my heart hurt too.

" _I'm_ being selfish?" He whispered, still not looking at me. "Maybe I am." His hazel eyes flashed to mine. "But so are you. The difference is mine derives from the fear of losing you, while yours comes from your inability to be happy with what you already have. Here, you have college, hockey, and me. It just isn't enough for you. _I'm_ not enough."

I realized right then that he was right. I wanted more out of life. But he was wrong about me not thinking he was enough.

"We can still be together." I said, refusing to give up so easy. James wasn't _just_ my best friend.

I was in love with him, and you didn't just throw that away.

"No. We can't." He returned his gaze to the water. "Maybe in the beginning we could, but after a while, you'll meet some guy or girl and wanna fool around with them. To actually _feel_ someone instead of just talking to them, because you know we can't afford to travel and see each other. I'll be nothing but a picture on your phone and a name you start saying less and less."

"That's not true." I gritted my teeth so hard my jaw hurt. "And who's to say _you_ won't be the one finding someone else?"

"Don't be a fucking moron, Kendall." James said with a scoff. "The only person I've ever wanted is you."

"Same here." I shot back, feeling my heart start to crack. James had been my first true crush, my first kiss, my first love. Everything. "And don't call me a moron."

"Then stop behaving like one." He countered, facing me and pinning me with a glare. "So, hotshot, when do you leave?"

My eyes stung, but I blinked back the tears. I didn't know if I was more sad or pissed off.

"They want me there ASAP so I can start the summer program." I answered. At my words, his anger faded and I saw the raw pain hidden beneath it. I couldn't keep my distance any longer and reached for him. "Jay…"

"Don't." He jerked away from me as tears streamed down his face. "Don't fucking touch me."

The ache that started in my chest deepened, turning into a crater right where my heart should be.

All of our years together flashed through my head.

James giggling when we were kids and I chased him through the elementary playground. How we'd hide in those huge tires and try to skip class. When I'd stayed the night at his house, sometimes we'd go to his parents' diner Saturday mornings, and we'd torment the customers by running up and down the aisles before his parents kicked us outside. We were little demons, but we'd always had so much fun.

Then, I remembered our first kiss.

We'd been lying on my bed watching TV when our fingertips touched. I had looked at him, and he'd returned my stare. Instead of moving our hands away, we moved them closer and linked our fingers. My heart had been like a war drum in my chest, and the blood had rushed through my ears. James had leaned toward me, his hazel eyes flickering to my mouth.

And then contact.

His lips had melded perfectly to mine. Soft and sweet, but firm.

We hadn't said anything about what we were doing next. No words had been needed. Our feelings had been clear as day. We knew each other on such a level that we'd often known what the other was thinking without saying a word.

Our bond had always been strong.

Until now.

"What's happening to us, James?" I asked, noticing how rough my voice sounded. Just the night before, we'd talked about being in love and how we'd always be together.

How quickly things changed.

James didn't answer right away. He watched a ripple in the water before slowly looking at me. "We're growing up."

I searched his face for any signs of hope. I didn't want to accept that. It'd always been me and James, and I didn't want a life where that was different.

" _Please_ come with me." I practically begged. I wasn't stupid enough to believe he'd get accepted into USC this late in the game, but that didn't mean he couldn't still move to California with me. He could attend a different college down there, it didn't have to be USC. I just needed him with me. "Please."

"Why don't you just stay here?" He suggested, stepping closer and pressing his face to my neck. His tears wet my skin. "You still have a great shot at going pro by going through Arkansas."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer.

My dreams were within reach. All I had to do was take that leap. However, by leaping toward those dreams, I'd be leaving James behind. I'd be leaving the future we'd planned for ourselves in the rearview.

My arms tightened around him, and I would've done anything to stay in that moment forever, but I couldn't. And I knew my next words were going to shatter what little we both held on to.

"I can't stay here." I whispered.

"If not for me then what about for your grandpa?" He asked, refusing to back down. He sounded desperate to change my mind.

But it only pissed me off more.

"Don't put that shit on me." I growled at him. "That's a low blow and you know it."

James shoved away from me as more tears fell from his eyes. "You're such an asshole, Kendall Knight." His chin trembled with the emotion he was barely keeping at bay. "You have people here who love you and you're eager to just throw it all away as if we're nothing."

Maybe it was a defense mechanism or perhaps I was just finally tired of his attitude, but I exploded with anger.

" _You're_ the asshole! You know how much this means to me, and yet all you can fucking think of is yourself and how it affects _you_."

I pushed him. Hard.

James stumbled and landed on his ass in the water. When he stared up at me, he looked so...broken. Defeated.

But I was too far gone with anger to care, and I screamed at him. "You're just jealous, James! I'm going to leave this town and make something of myself, and you're going to be stuck here forever. All you'll ever be is another kid who didn't have the balls to chase what he wanted. You'll be _nothing_. And I refuse to settle with this life."

When his face crumbled with his grief, I turned my back on him. That was the last sight I had of him before running through the woods.

Before running away from him.

XxX

California was like a different planet. Growing up in a small, country town, I'd never seen anything quite like it. I sat in my dorm room at USC, not in the mood to unpack any of my things yet.

After my fight with James, I hadn't seen him again.

In the days following that, I packed up as much of my things as I could for the move, and I got the hell out of Willow, Arkansas. I'd looked back as I'd driven out of town. My whole life was there.

 _James_ was there.

It was then I finally let myself cry for him. For what we'd lost. A part of me almost turned the car around. The part that was madly in love with him and probably always would be. My heart was broken, and the farther I got from him, the greater the pain became.

Sitting on my bed in the dorm at USC, that pain sprang back to life.

I didn't know anyone here. Not one person I could confide in. Not one friend. I was lonely, and I was desperate for something familiar.

I grabbed my phone and started browsing through the pictures. Some were of me and my grandpa. I smiled. He'd been excited for me, and although I knew he'd miss me, he hadn't wanted to hold me back. I had called him when I got to campus to let him know I'd made it safely.

Then, I came to a photo of James, and before I could stop myself, I was sobbing into my damn pillow. Fuck, it'd only been about a week, but I missed him so much it hurt. It was the longest we'd ever gone without talking.

I called him, needing to hear his voice.

"Hello?"

"James?" I said his name with a relieved exhale. "I'm glad you answered."

"I nearly rejected the call." He said. "But I needed to talk to you too. It's weird with us not talking."

"I know."

"Are you settled into your dorm yet?"

I lightly chuckled as I looked at all the unpacked boxes. "Not exactly." He was quiet, and by the occasional sniffles, I knew he was crying. "Are you okay?"

The question was stupid, but I didn't know what else to say. I was the cause of his pain.

If he was beside me, I'd just tickle his sides or something to get him laugh. The miles between us prevented that.

"No." James said in a shaky voice, as if he was barely holding himself together. "I hate not having you here, Ken. I'm in the same place I've always been, but everything feels foreign. Like this huge part of me is gone."

I cleared the lump in my throat, but it did nothing to stop the tears from pooling in my eyes.

"Fuck, babe. I miss you." My voice was gruff, and I bounced my knee. The quickening of my pulse caused me to shake a little. "I don't know what to do. I feel like I've just made the biggest mistake of my life. It just took me driving over a thousand miles to figure it out."

As it all went through my head, I started panicking. The white walls of the dorm began to close in on me, and it felt like I was drowning.

"Kendall? Breathe." James said, and I tried to focus on his voice. "You didn't make a mistake."

"Yes, I did." I responded as I started to hyperventilating. "I should've never left you, James. Fuck, I'm such an idiot! We had plans and I fucked them all up. I'm coming home. I can't do this."

Everything went quiet, and all I heard was his breathing on the other end of the phone.

"Listen to me, Kendall. You made the right decision by going." Something about his voice had changed. I couldn't figure out exactly what it was, but he didn't sound like himself. "It would've never worked out between us anyway."

My mind reeled at his words.

"What?"

"Don't act so surprised." James said with a condescending tone. "Our plan to come out and ride off into the sunset of our happily ever after was just bullshit. We wouldn't have lasted another year."

"Why are you saying this? This isn't you."

"No, it _is_ me. It's called tough love." James sounded so...off. Or maybe I just didn't want to believe that's how he really felt. "I'm actually glad you left."

A sob tore through my throat against my will. "James, I-"

"I don't think we should talk anymore." He interjected with so much coldness in his voice that it sent chills down my spine. "We both need to focus on our own lives, and keeping one foot in the past won't help us do that."

I knew we had our lives to live… I just thought we'd live them together. Even when I'd left Arkansas, I still had a tiny speck of hope that we'd somehow find a way to make it work.

Before I could respond, he hung up.

I texted him.

 _Me: James, what the fuck is going on? I KNOW you don't feel that way._

 _James: You don't know what I feel. Honestly, the more I talked to you on the phone, the more I knew how right you were to leave. We've had an amazing friendship, but it's time to go our separate ways._

It was hard to text him back with how much my hands were trembling.

 _Me: You don't even want us talking anymore?! You're my best friend!_

 _Me: Jay? Please, don't shut me out like this._

 _Me: Please._

When two hours passed and he still hadn't replied, I sent another.

 _Me: I love you, Jay. Please don't do this._

But he didn't respond. Not that day. Not the next one. I sent him several more texts. Some lashing out at him for being so mean and others begging him to reconsider. And they all went ignored. As days turned into weeks and I still hadn't heard from him, I realized we were really over.

Funny enough...life went on.

XxX

I started hanging out with the guys on the hockey team, and we'd go out some nights and see the California nightlife. Most of them were from out of state too, so it was a new experience for all of us. We went to restaurants hardly any of us could afford and we'd even snuck into some clubs. They became my friends.

James crossed my mind a lot in the beginning.

Even after months of no communication, I found myself remembering the smell of his skin when we'd been lying under the sun after swimming in the lake. I recalled the musical sound of his laugh and the way he used to fit so perfectly against my chest.

They were memories I was desperate to hold on to, but as time went on, I found it harder and harder to remember some of them.

I'd look at pictures of James on my phone when I couldn't remember if the scar he had on his knee was on the left one or the right. Just those small things that I'd obsess over and make myself sick over if I forgot.

Crazy how he really did become just a picture on my phone...just like he'd said.

I kept in touch with my grandpa, calling him at least twice a week, and after a while I stopped asking about James. I didn't see the point anymore in asking him how James was doing, and if Gramps had recently talked to him.

Hockey became my life.

I pushed myself to my limits and past them, sometimes just so I could have something else to focus on other than the pain of a broken heart. But even after my heart began to mend, I didn't back down. I hadn't moved so many miles from home just to slack off. I spent most of my spare time in the gym, making myself stronger. Faster.

Coaches admired my commitment, and I worked my ass off to get where I wanted to be. I showed them how much I wanted it.

My first year of college passed in a blur between classes and hockey games, and when the second year came around, I was in the best shape of my life. I was the star hockey player, and everything was falling into place just like I'd always hoped it would.

I even started dating again.

It was difficult for a while. If I even thought about being with someone else, I'd feel like I was betraying James. Then, I had remind myself that he was the one who dumped _me_ , and that he'd probably already moved on.

No sense in saving myself for someone who didn't even give a shit. He'd made that clear when he refused to return any of my texts.

Not ever having been with anyone other than James, I was struggling a bit with my sexuality and had tried dating a few girls at first. However, it didn't take long to figure it all out. The second girl I'd tried dating, well fucking, had cleared it all up.

It had felt good, but my head just wasn't in it.

Her body was too soft, her pleasured sighs too breathy. I missed the feel of a hard body beneath mine. I missed _James_.

The next day, I'd found out she'd told all of her friends that the 'star hockey-head couldn't get it up' and it'd spread through the campus like wildfire. I knew it was my chance to publicly come out, but I'd chickened out. As an athlete, it was fucking scary to come out, because of the stigma that surrounded it.

So, I continued hiding who I was.

With all of that aside, though, life was great. I began thinking of James less and less, until he was nothing more than an occasional passing thought.

However, in the moments when I was between awake and asleep, I'd sometimes recall the way he felt lying beside me at night. I'd remember the sound of his voice as he recited some Shakespeare line, and then how we'd bicker about what defined a romance.

And it was in those moments when I was the most content.

* * *

 **Done! So, we finally got the reveal of what separated Kames, with Kendall getting to go to California for hockey.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as your thoughts on Kames' fight and if you happened to be on a particular side. Personally, I can see both sides of the situation, but I would love to hear your thoughts on it.**

 **Next chapter will jump to the present day. Not completely sure of when that will be up, but you won't have to wait too long for it.**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with a new chapter!**

 **Before get into that, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and winterschild11 for reviewing!**

 **A little disclaimer, I don't know a lot about hockey, so I did my best here. :P**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _Present Day - December_

I lived for this. The adrenaline of a packed stadium, the indistinct cheers from the stands, and the feel of the ice beneath my skates. The road getting there had been winding, painful, and often filled with self-doubt, but I'd made it all the way to pro-level hockey.

And every damn second had been worth the journey.

Seven years since I'd left Willow, Arkansas. Three years since I'd graduated from University of Southern California with a bachelor's degree in Business Organization, a degree I'd probably never use, but it was great to have something to fall back on. I had kicked ass in college level hockey, and while I hadn't really started out where I wanted to be, I'd proven myself enough by my sophomore year to become a force to be reckoned with.

None of it had been luck, either.

Every single day I worked my ass off. I trained every chance I could, worked on strength and speed exercises. Anything to put me ahead of the others. While I'd given into the temptation of frat parties a few times, I never let that kind of lifestyle consume me or get in the way of what I wanted.

Out of thousands of college players who had dreams of going pro, I snagged one of the highly sought after spots in the draft that happened after college.

Now, I was one of the star players for the Kansas City Mavericks and had been for the past three years. Within that time, I'd had various injuries, but I'd never let any of them keep me off the field for long. Some of the veteran players on the team had started calling me Little Engine when I first started because of how much I got hurt, but always got right back up and stayed in the game.

That December day, we were playing Denver, and we were ahead four to two. The freezing temperature of the ice made standing in place a little difficult, so I bounced in place as I waited to go back out on the ice. If it wasn't for my adrenaline, I might've felt the cold more, but I was too pumped.

I looked around the stadium, smiling at the sea of faceless people. In the mix of orange and blue jerseys, people cheered for their team. Some were cheering for us and some against us, but the one thing they all shared was their love for hockey.

It's what connected all of us, viewers and players alike.

"Mavericks are ahead four to two in the second period, but the game isn't over yet."

I tuned out the commentators as my team took the ice. Noise surrounded me-the muffled voices over the intercom, the screaming of the fans in the stands, and the sly insults from the opposing team as we took our spots-but I blocked them out as I ran through the play in my head.

In position, I called the play before the center hit the puck, then all bets were off.

The game was close.

Denver scored before the end of the second period, almost evening out the scoreboard. It was the last game of the season, and I refused for us to take a loss. I hadn't played with back and neck ailments for the past month, pushed myself harder than any other season, and taken shit from the guy I was dating because I'd been too sore to fuck him recently just to lose the last game.

During the next play, I passed the puck to our right wing.

 _Fuck!_

My pass had been intercepted by the other team. Our teams went back and forth for what seemed like forever, with almost every pass of the puck seeming to be intercepted. Eventually, Denver scored a point, officially evening the score.

The clock was running out, and the tension on the ice was so tense it could be cut with a knife.

With only a minute and a half left in the game, our side called a timeout. It was frequent for both teams to call timeouts right at the end of a game, especially when it was so close. We gathered on the sidelines and coach grilled us before we went back out on the ice.

There was only a minute left, but with our teams seeming to be evenly matched, it seemed to draw on for what seemed like forever.

But with seconds left on the clock, I took a chance and hit the puck in a last ditch effort to score a point. Fortunately, the other teams goalie wasn't able to stop the puck from hitting the net, officially winning us the game.

Cheers erupted through the stadium, and excitement spread through our team, not even the freezing temperatures could bring us down.

"Kendall Knight!" A reporter exclaiment, pulling me in for an on-ice interview. "This was the last game of the season. What do you plan on doing now? How do you plan to celebrate your team's victory?"

As the captain, I tended to gain the most attention. And I wasn't going to lie, I enjoyed being in the spotlight.

"I'm damn proud of my team." I answered her, being sure to keep a charming smile on my face the entire time. A photographer was beside her, snapping pic after pic, and I wanted to play it up for the cameras. "First thing I'm gonna do is get out of this gear."

She laughed and flicked her hair in the way most girls did when flirting. "Well. I think many of us would love that after seeing your spread for Under Armour."

In the past year or so, I'd done a commercial for Pepsi, been in a few magazines modeling Under Armour, and I'd even been voted one of the sexiest players in hockey. Not that my looks had anything to do with my skills on the field, but it didn't hurt to be admired in that way. It certainly helped me get laid more times than I could count.

I didn't comment on her flirtatious statement and instead just smiled.

"There's a rumor that next season might be your last with the Mavericks." She said. "Can you comment on the validity of these rumors?"

She held the recorder out to me and waited.

Playing pro-hockey had been my dream ever since I was eleven. After three years of living that dream, certain things had begun taking a toll on me, injuries being one of them, but also the stress of staying in peak physical condition. With new players being drafted every year, the pressure of staying on top was intense. No matter how excellent a player was, he could be replaced in the blink of an eye.

But even with the physical aspect of it aside, it'd impacted my emotional state as well. I was mentally exhausted.

The rumors had started because my four year contract with the Mavericks would end next season, and there'd been no reassurance that it'd be renewed just yet. If the contract wasn't renewed, I'd be a free agent and any other team could pick me up if they wanted. But nothing was guaranteed.

"Rumors are rumors." I answered, not ready to publicly announce anything until I was certain. "Who knows what the future holds? Now if you'll excuse me."

I skated away from here and headed toward the locker room. Most of my team had already left the ice. As the adrenaline from the game started wearing off, fatigue and soreness began creeping in. It was as if all the pain signals to my brain had been blocked during the game and were now sending messages all throughout my body.

My entire body hurt and I knew I'd have massive bruising from all the collisions. Pads only helped so much.

"Kendall!" Carlos said as I entered the locker room. "We're going out tonight. You joining us?"

"Nah, man. I think I'm just gonna go to the hotel and crash." I answered as I got to my locker. After a game, I was always eager to strip out of my gear and jersey. It was far from glamorous and sexy. The damn thing was soaked in sweat. "Fuck, I swear this thing shrinks two sizes every time I try and take it off."

Dak came up behind me and slapped my ass. "Need help?"

I grinned and was about to spout off a sarcastic remark, but I caved when I tried again to pull it off and failed. "Yes, please."

There was an enthusiastic atmosphere in the room as other players talked about their plans for the night. Some helped others out of their gear, which was a great indicator of how well we did in the game.

When we lost, most of us acted like we hated each other, but if we won, the camaraderie was strong.

Dak stood in front of me and helped me peel off my jersey and shoulder pads. He was the player I was closest to on the team, and we'd been called out several times for our obvious bromance. The guy was straight, though, and had a gorgeous girlfriend who was also a total sweetheart. He knew I was gay, but I hadn't come out to the world yet.

I wasn't ashamed of my sexuality, but in the world of sports, it wasn't exactly a common thing. Even though I knew it was cowardly, I was afraid of the backlash from it. Other athletes had come out as gay in the past year and some years before that, but only a small handful of pro-hockey players had. The ones who _had_ come out were usually already done with hockey when they did.

When I'd asked Dak about me coming out, he'd often told me to do it if I felt that I was _really_ ready for it and that he would support me in any way he could. He also suggested waiting until my contract was up if I wasn't ready.

"What are you doing when you get back?" I asked him as I took a seat on the stool. I needed to catch my breath for a bit.

"I think I'm going to propose to Stephanie soon." Dak answered with a nervous smile. "That ring has been weighing heavier and heavier every day, but I wanted to wait for the offseason to do it. That way we can enjoy it, you know?"

"Or have time to mourn your loss if she rejects your ass." I said.

"Asshole." He scoffed, punching my arm. Then, he sat on the stool beside me. "Do you really think she'll say no?"

"Not a chance." I reassured him.

"Thanks." He smiled before his face fell. "That shower's gonna hurt tonight."

I laughed, even though it wasn't funny in the least.

After a brutal game like what we'd just had-sixty minutes of slamming into other players, being slammed into the wall and having the breath knocked out of you-showers were a special kind of torture.

XxX

Days later, I was home in Kansas City. The offseason had officially started, and it was always a weird thing to grasp at first. After months of every day workouts, practice, traveling, and games, the fact that I had so much free time now took some getting used to. I didn't have to return to work, for lack of a better word, until April when offseason workouts began.

If the Mavericks didn't renew my contract, I'd only have one more year of pro-hockey. Next season could very well be my last. Maybe another team would pick me up.

 _Don't think about that now._

I was on vacation, and I wanted to put aside all worries and just enjoy it.

"We should escape this horrid winter and go somewhere tropical." Jett said as we sat on my couch, looking outside at the dreary gray sky that threatened to pour down sleet and snow any minute.

He was my current fling of three months, and it was the longest I'd ever been with the same guy. Well, apart from James… who I _still_ fucking thought about.

"Not sure I'm up for traveling right now." I responded, putting my arm around his shoulders. I'd just gotten home and the last thing I wanted was to pack up and leave again. "Winter isn't so bad."

"You're joking, right?" Jett asked, raising his brows. "Winter sucks."

He was a nice guy and everything, but I didn't foresee it being long term. Not just because of our differing opinions of seasons, but because we differed in a lot of ways. He wasn't a diva or anything, but he was still high maintenance. Way too much for my liking.

I made a shit load of money, and I knew that was one of the main reasons he stuck around. However, he was hot and was willing to stay quiet about us. And he was pretty good in bed. So, whatever.

"Give me a few days to relax, and then I'll take you wherever you wanna go." I said before nuzzling the side of his face, running my fingers through his hair in the process. "Deal?"

He smiled. "Okay. Fine."

"What are you working on?" I asked, nodding to the laptop on the side table.

"Ah, nothing important." He answered with a shrug. "Just an idea I'm playing around with. Not sure where it's going just yet."

Jett was a journalist for a gossip magazine and he hoped to publish books someday. He mostly covered the juicy gossip in celebrities lives. Who was sleeping with who, cheating scandals, fashion fails on the red carpet, and shit like that. I'd met him at an after party to some event I'd been invited to. We'd ended up fucking in the upstairs walk-in closet that night, and we'd been a thing ever since then.

My phone buzzed on the coffee table, and I unfolded myself from Jett to lean forward and grab it. A picture of me and my grandpa flashed across the screen.

"Hey, gramps." I answered before sitting back against the couch.

"Boy, I am too young to be called gramps." He said, still just as spirited as ever. "When are you coming to see me?"

Guilt trickled into my chest. He had practically raised me, and ever since I left home all those years before, I'd never gone back to Willow. Of course, I'd flown Grandpa out a few times a year to see me, but I'd never stepped foot back into my hometown. It'd been selfish, but I didn't want reminders of it. Of James and what I'd given up.

"Soon." I said, not knowing if it was true. "I promise."

We talked for a few more minutes before he said he needed to finish making dinner. My stomach growled at the thought of eating one of his home cooked meals again. I couldn't cook for shit, and Jett would probably have a fit if I suggested him to. Not even the fanciest restaurants compared to one of Grandpa's dishes.

"Do you want to order takeout?" Jett asked as he scrolled through his phone.

"Sure." I stood from the couch and started walking to the bathroom. "I'm going to shower first."

"Want some company?"

I smirked at his offer. But even though my dick sprang to attention, my heart ached.

Even after seven years, I still missed James. I'd been with a lot of guys since him, but he was still the only one who'd made an impact on me. The only one I caught myself thinking about at random hours of the day or before I slept at night.

We'd talked a few times since I'd graduated college. Not a lot, but some.

After years of not speaking, James had reached out to me one day on Twitter and congratulated me for being drafted into pro-hockey. It had come out of nowhere, and at first I'd checked his profile a million times to make sure it was actually him.

After he'd cut off all communication with me that day in my dorm room freshman year, I never thought I'd hear from him again. Years of me wondering how he was doing and beating myself up over why he dumped me so easily, as if I'd been nothing to him.

And then there he was again.

We chatted a bit on social media before I gave him my number. He'd never called or texted me, but at least he had the means to do so if he ever wanted to.

Jett was just another guy to temporarily fill the emptiness James had left behind, and just like all the others before him, I knew it wouldn't be enough.

* * *

 **Done! So, seven years later and Kendall is living out his dream of playing pro-hockey. He also is with Jett, even though he still thinks about James, which I'm sure none of you are surprised to hear. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I loved hearing your thoughts on the last chapter, especially your thoughts on the argument and that everyone understood both sides.**

 **Next chapter will catch up with James and what he's been up to. That will be up tomorrow (or today depending on when you all see this), so you won't have to wait too long for that.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello again everyone! As promised, I'm back with a new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, annabellex2, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Snow in Willow, Arkansas was rare. In fact, it hadn't snowed there in years. Yet, there it was falling from the sky in a beautiful torrent of white.

I stood at my kitchen window that Tuesday morning and watched it fall as I drank my second cup of coffee. Most areas of the grass were already covered. It was mesmerizing.

"Schools in Crawford County are closed." The news anchor said on TV as a list of the schools flashed on the screen. "This includes Cedarville and Willow."

 _A snow day. No work for me today, I guess._

I'd been fortunate to get the teaching position at my old high school right out of college. The previous English teacher had been about to retire, so I became her replacement. Three years of being a teacher and I didn't want to do anything else. My work was too rewarding. Not all of the students took the lessons I gave them, but the ones who did went on to be successful adults, and knowing I helped them for their future made my job worthwhile.

Yet… I still thought of him.

I'd never stopped.

Kendall Knight had become a rock star in the sports industry, and I'd kept close tabs on him. He'd dominated on the college level at USC, not only kicking ass on the ice but also keeping his grades up and graduating with a degree. I hadn't been surprised when he'd gone pro.

No one was as determined as Kendall.

He became everything he'd always told me he'd be. When he wanted something, he didn't stop until he got it. He'd been that way for as long as I'd known him, which was why I'd lied to him all those years before.

I'd known he'd achieve his dreams...but I also knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't have if he'd had me as a distraction.

Even seven years later, I still remembered our conversation over the phone where I told him I was glad he left, a lie that had completely crushed my heart to say. Little did he know that I'd thrown my phone against the wall after his last text to me. How I'd cried for the rest of the day and weeks after, wishing more than anything to hear his voice again but knowing I couldn't. Not if I truly loved him.

He'd been so close to leaving California and returning home. I'd heard it in his voice. And while that would've been incredible, I didn't want him to later regret his decision. To resent me.

Not wanting to hold him back, I had let him go. It'd been the hardest thing I'd ever done.

When I'd found out he'd reached his dream of playing pro-hockey, it had been impossible not to reach out to him, though. Against my better judgement about reopening old wounds, I had contacted him. We'd started talking a little after that, however I was careful about becoming too involved in his life.

 _Get him out of your head._

Even though I had the day off, I decided to look over my lesson plans anyway. I'd given my students a midterm exam before Christmas break, and we'd returned to school last week. I had barely started in on the new material, and now we were out for a snow day. I bet my students were ecstatic about it.

But me? Not so much.

I was in my home office, writing out possible short story activities that would help the kids with their creative writing, when my phone suddenly lit up with a notification. After pushing my glasses back on my nose, I checked it and couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face. It was a direct message from Kendall on Twitter.

My smile was short-lived, though, as I reminded myself that nothing good could come from talking to him.

 **Kendall_Knight:** _Is it snowing there? Just talked to Gramps and he said it's really coming down._

My inner smartass wanted to point out that he'd pretty much answered his own question by saying Bill said it was snowing, but I realized he was just using it was a way to make conversation.

So much for getting him out of my head.

 **JamesDiamond:** _Yeah, it is._

My response was short and to the point. I hated being so distant with him, but it's how it needed to be.

 **Kendall_Knight:** _Is having a snow day just as awesome as a teacher as it was when we were kids?_

I wondered why he was trying so hard to keep me talking. The last I heard he was screwing around with some female model from the UK that he'd done some perfume ad with. Why waste his time talking to someone insignificant from his past?

 **JamesDiamond:** _Not really. It means I have less time to get through my lesson plans._

Before the winter break, I had lectured on Shakespeare-no surprise there-and I'd had the class read A Midsummer Night's Dream in class. I believed Shakespeare should be read aloud, especially when it came to high school students whose attention were easily swayed. I had divided the class into three groups-the Royals, the Faeries, and the Mechanicals-and I'd given each of the kids roles to read out loud.

After each section, I'd stopped to discuss the text, ensuring that everyone knew what was happening in the play. The students had a lot of fun with it. I tried to make learning enjoyable, so I was always searching for ways to engage them. A more hands-on approach helped keep them interested in the material.

There was so much more I wanted to get through before summer, and the snow day put me behind. I'd try not to be too much of a sourpuss about it.

Kendall didn't message me back. Guess he got the hint that I wasn't in the mood to talk.

That made me feel bad, but what more could I do? We'd been in very minimal contact for three years, so it wasn't like we were used to talking a lot anymore.

I'd been sure to keep my distance.

Kendall wasn't the same boy I'd fallen in love with so many years before. High school girls had pictures of him hanging up in their lockers, he was on the cover of several magazines, and he was even on a few billboards. Big companies had hired him to do commercials for them too. The goofy, attractive guy who used to kick my ass at Mario Kart, eat all of my chips, and talk about being with me forever was gone.

He was too far out of my league now.

After refilling my coffee, I continued working, putting all thoughts of my former best friend and the love of my life out of my mind.

XxX

The snow had mostly melted by the next morning. Only a few spots in the shade still had some covering the grass, but there wasn't any ice covering the roads. Therefore, school was back in session.

I was happy about it, but the same couldn't be said for my students. They walked into class with disappointment showing all over their faces.

"Come on, guys." I said, refraining from laughing. "You got one day of freedom. Now it's time to get back to work."

"The new expansion pack for Dead Smash 2 released today." Daniel said, plopping down in his seat. "Stupid snow should've lasted at least one more day."

Daniel was on the high school hockey team, and he played baseball in the spring. But he cared a lot about his studies too and was a great kid. Even if he liked to whine a bit.

"Trust me, your game will be waiting for you when you get home." I said to him before grabbing the stack of papers from my desk and walking to the front of the room. The second bell rang, signaling the start of class. "Okay, this semester will focus a lot on writing. We'll still be reading a few short stories from Edgar Allen Poe and others, but being able to express your views with writing is important. You'll be writing a lot of papers in college, regardless of what subject it is, and I want to prepare you guys for it."

I walked down the aisles and started passing out the papers.

"This is a guide on how to write a paper." I said. "For an essay, there are three parts: the introduction, the body, and the conclusion. For creative writing, those rules don't matter as much, but you still need to be able to string your thoughts into one comprehensive piece."

After the papers were handed out, I went back to the front of the room and grabbed a marker. I wrote on the board as I continued talking. "I'm going to have you try your hand at both a research paper, and also a creative writing piece on whatever you choose."

Casey raised her hand. "A research paper?"

"Yep." I said, putting the cap back on the marker. "Knowing how to research is important for college, again, regardless of the subject. I'll have a selection of topics that I'll assign each of you next week. You'll have class time to work on it, but I expect you to work on it at home as well."

I spent the rest of class going over the sheet and answering any questions. As expected, most of them didn't look too thrilled at hearing they'd have to write a research paper, but it was a necessary evil.

They'd thank me later.

When I was in college, I'd found out real quick how unprepared my high school teachers had made me, and I didn't want any of them to go through that.

At the end of the day, I stayed in my classroom about an hour after school just in case any students needed to come in and talk about anything. Sometimes they had questions about an assignment and didn't have time during school hours to ask them or were too embarrassed during class to do so. Once the hour passed, I packed up my things and went out to my car.

That's when I got the call.

"Hello?" I said, not looking at the caller ID before answering. I flung my messenger bag in the passenger's seat before sliding into the driver's side and starting the engine. The snow had melted, but a chill still lingered in the air, and I wanted to get the heater going.

"Is this James Diamond?"

I stopped fidgeting with the controls as a weird feeling settled in my gut. "Yes...who's calling?"

"This is Erin, a nurse at St. Edwards hospital. I'm calling on behalf of Bill Knight. You're listed as his emergency contact."

"Is he okay?" I asked, knowing how ridiculous my question was.

When Kendall left for USC years ago, I started visiting Bill a lot. I'd been close to him for years prior to that, so it wasn't a bother at all to stop in and check on him every day. Kendall was the only family he had left, and with Kendall away, he'd made me his emergency contact. Not a stab against Kendall, but more so because I'd be the one closest to him if anything happened.

"Mr. Knight had a heart attack." She said. "I'm so sorry, but I'm not at liberty to say anything further. I suggest getting here as soon as you can."

"I'm on my way."

I left the school parking lot and headed toward the hospital. It was about a twenty minute drive from my location, and I became impatient as the clock ticked off the seconds. I needed to tell Kendall. He'd given me his number a while back, but I'd never used it to contact him, choosing instead to keep contact limited to social media. It felt more impersonal that way.

However, he needed to know and soon. I cast aside my reserves about him and scrolled to his name in my phone before hitting call.

"Hello?" He answered after two rings.

My heart jumped up into my throat. I'd seen him do many interviews over the years, but I hadn't actually directly spoken to him since the day he called me from his dorm. I'd forgotten how much I missed hearing his voice.

"Hey, it's James." I said before adding, "Diamond."

Rustling sounded on his end of the phone and he didn't say anything for a few seconds. I got the impression he was walking somewhere.

"Fuck, it's so good to hear your voice." He said moments later, mirroring my exact thoughts. "How are you? I never thought you'd actually-"

"I didn't call to catch up." I interjected, hating to cut him off. "It's Gramps. I just got a call from the hospital and he had a heart attack."

"What?! Shit. Is he okay? Are you with him right now?"

"I'm almost there." I responded, inwardly cursing the damn stoplight as I got stuck at it. I tapped my free hand on the top of the steering wheel as I waited for the light to turn green. "I don't know how bad it is, Ken, but you need to get here as soon as you can."

I didn't stop to think about what that would mean for us, him coming back to Willow. All that mattered right then was Gramps, and I knew Kendall would hate himself if he didn't make the effort to see him.

"I'll be there as soon as I can." He said as more rustling sounded. "Keep me updated until I get there, okay?"

"Of course." I pulled into the hospital parking lot and hunted for a spot. I didn't hang up, even though there was nothing more to say. His breathing on the other side told me he felt the same. Tears stung my eyes as it all hit me at once. "I gotta go. I'll call you when I know more."

I hung up before he could say anything.

* * *

 **Done! So, there you have it. We got to see a bit of how James has been doing the past few years, along with him actually speaking with Kendall for the first time since their fight. There was also the reveal that Kendall's grandfather had a heart attack.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I loved hearing your thoughts on the last chapter! Thank you so much for letting me know that the hockey was easy to follow, as that was something I was a little worried about. :)**

 **Next chapter will be up this weekend, so you won't have too long of a wait for that.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Once James hung up, I ran to my bedroom, pulled out my suitcase, and started shoving clothes into it. I didn't know how long I'd be gone, so I grabbed a lot just in case. I'd just talked to my grandpa the day before and he'd sounded great.

 _Why the hell is this happening?_

"Everything okay?" Jett asked, walking into the room.

"No." I answered, not looking at him. I went into the bathroom to grab a few toiletries before going back to the bed and shoving them in the suitcase. "My grandpa is in the hospital. I'm going to see him."

"What? Seriously?" At his pissed off tone, I looked up at him. He stood with his arms crossed and the expression on his face matched his snappy voice. "We're supposed to leave for Hawaii in two days. Are you going to be back before then?"

I gaped at him. Someone I loved was in the hospital and all he cared about was our fucking vacation?

"Not sure." I said, shaking my head before focusing back on my suitcase. "I doubt it, though.

"Well that's just perfect, Kendall. It's not like you can help by going there, you know."

"I can be with him. _That's_ how I can help." I snapped. "He's the only family I have left, Jett."

"You have me." Jett walked over and slid his arm around my waist. "Don't go."

"I have to." I said, pulling out of his hold. After shoving the last of my things into the bag, I closed it and turned to him. "If you actually cared, you'd come with me. Or at least be a little more understanding."

"I _am_ understanding." He said. "But we've already booked everything for our trip and I was looking forward to it."

"Fuck the trip!" I was quickly losing my temper with him. "It can be postponed. This is way more important."

Jett rolled his eyes, and it was then that I realized he didn't care about me. I'd suspected he only wanted me for my money, but having the harsh reality of such a thing smack me in the face was overwhelming.

"Get out." I said.

"What?" His eyes pinned me with a glare.

"Get the fuck out of my house, Jett." I repeated, trying to calm myself down. "And don't bother coming back."

"You're dumping me?!" He asked, and his surprise was almost funny. He honestly couldn't expect me to be okay with him acting like a total asshole, right? "Think hard about what you're saying, Kendall."

"I don't need to think about it." I said, grabbing my suitcase and laptop bag before leaving the bedroom. "I'm sure it won't take you long to find some other rich guy to leech off of."

Once Jett gathered his things and got the hell out of my house, and hopefully my life, I booked a flight to Arkansas and called for an Uber to take me to the airport. The fact that I didn't care in the least that our relationship was over said a lot about how I felt about him. He'd been nothing but a brief fling, and it wouldn't take any effort to move on from him.

Not sure if that made me an awful person or not. But, oh well.

James hadn't called with any news, but he'd sent me a text saying Grandpa was in surgery. On the plane, there wasn't much else I could do except for try not to stress. Which of course didn't happen. I couldn't shut off my brain. Every horrible scenario kept floating through my head.

 _Breathe. Calm the fuck down,_ I told myself. _Focus on something else._

James. Just the thought of him alone worked wonders. I'd finally get to see him again. My stomach flipped at the thought. The reason for us seeing each other again was a shitty one, however, the reunion was one I'd wanted for a long time.

There'd been so many times in the past few years where I'd imagined going to Willow and showing up at his doorstep, but not knowing how he'd react to that had stopped me from going through with it.

What if he had a boyfriend? Fuck, or a husband?

 _There's my damn anxiety again. Can't think of James either._

The damn plane needed to hurry up and land, so I could get some answers.

XxX

 _Home is where the heart is._

The saying went through my head as the taxi took me from the airport and toward the hospital. I hadn't understood the reality of the statement until being away from home for so long, and then finally seeing it all again.

The same streets I'd learned to drive on. The woods I'd run through with James. The places we used to hang out at. They all looked the same. Yet, so different. Seven years away might not have changed much that could be seen with the eye, but there was a change in _me_.

The way I saw it all was altered, met with sadness and longing instead of familiarity.

"Thanks." I said to the driver before paying him. I grabbed my luggage and got out of the car. In too much of a hurry, I didn't want to waste time checking into my hotel first, so I'd gone straight to the hospital after landing.

I went to James' name in my phone and called him.

"Hey." He answered on the first ring. He sounded tired. It'd only taken me a few hours to get there, but I knew the emotional toll this could have on people. Hell, I felt it too. "I'm on the third floor in the lobby. I still haven't heard anything."

"I'll be right up."

I entered the hospital through the main entrance and went straight to the elevators. A nurse came into the elevator and pressed the third floor, so I stood back and waited for the doors to close.

She looked at me and smiled before doing a double take.

"Oh my god. You're Kendall Knight."

"Yeah." I said, trying to be as friendly as I could even though my nerves were out of control. "Nice to meet you, Erica."

Her eyes widened before she looked down at her nametag and laughed. "Same. My husband would be fangirling over you right now if he was here."

That's usually when I'd suggest signing something for her or taking a picture, but I wasn't in the right mindset. Luckily, she could tell.

"I hope everything is okay." She said.

"Thank you. Me too."

The elevator reached the third floor and the doors opened. I let her go first before walking out behind her into the hall. My luggage was in one hand and my laptop bag was slung over my shoulder, and I'm sure it looked like I was moving into the place or something. Maybe it wasn't so far off. If my grandpa was going to be staying overnight, I would be too.

Nothing could've prepared me for seeing James. Not the hours of obsessing on the plane or the ten minute drive from the airport to the hospital.

He stood up as I entered the waiting area, and it felt like my heart was going to burst from my chest.

"Hey." He said, looking timid as ever.

James was wearing glasses instead of his contacts, but other than that, he looked just like the guy I'd fallen in love with all those years ago. Same brunet hair and hazel eyes. Well, there were a couple of noticable changes. He was more muscled than I last remembered him, and he was taller. He'd played hockey with me and he'd worked out, but he'd still been a little smaller than some of us.

Not anymore.

His body was definitely more toned, especially his arms, and his t-shirt hugged him just right. His torso went into that sexy V-shape, and his slacks did nothing to hide his amazing ass.

Before I could overthink it, I dropped my luggage and pulled him into my arms. My body involuntarily shuddered at his closeness, as if I'd been in the freezing cold for hours and finally found warmth. He smelled just like I remembered and tears prickled in my eyes.

The joy was fleeting.

James shrugged out of my hold and stepped away, and all of a sudden, the warmth fled and the chill returned.

"You should tell them you're here." He said, briefly looking at me before staring at the receptionist's desk.

I was on my way to do just that when a doctor walked out and asked for the family of Bill Knight. My gut knotted for some reason. Perhaps it was the grave expression on the man's face or maybe the tone he used when speaking, but I felt it was bad news.

I was right.

"We're so sorry, but there was nothing more we could do." He said after taking me into a back room. He said something about it being a massive heart attack and that they'd tried to act quickly, but then the rest faded to white noise.

I'd been too late.

Regret hit me like a fucking freight train. I should've tried harder to see my grandpa instead of putting off my visits because of stupid shit in my life that didn't even matter now. I'd let too many things come before him, and I hated myself for it. Busy life or not, I should've made time for him. He was the only family I had.

 _And now he's gone too._

XxX

Grandpa's house had never been a sad place. For all the years I'd lived with him after my mom died, he'd always made it a true home. One of warmth, love, and happiness. But as I stepped through the doorway days after his death, all I felt was grief.

Regret. Sorrow. Guilt. And more grief.

It was hard to believe it was the same place, a place that had once been such a safe haven for me. Memories sprang to life: Grandpa cooking something in the kitchen, us watching hockey on Sundays in the living room and him telling me I'd make it onto that ice someday, and all the laughs we'd shared within the walls of the two story manor.

I shut the door but didn't walk farther inside, not ready to face the ghosts of the past just yet.

James had comforted me at the hospital right after I found out Grandpa had passed away. Never having been one to cry in front of people, I'd composed myself while there and as I'd made the proper burial arrangements.

But on the inside, I was a fucking mess, and James had sensed it.

He'd kept his hand at my lower back as I talked to the personnel, and he'd occasionally moved his fingers in small circles, as if to remind me that he was there. He'd cried at the news, but not the outright sobbing kind. Tears had fallen from his eyes, but his expression had remained composed.

I'd gone to my hotel after that, not in the mood to deal with anyone or anything. Instead of unpacking my suitcase, I had collapsed on the bed and hadn't moved for the rest of that night. James had texted me a bit more, but I'd only responded with the bare minimum. Yes. No. Ok.

Not because I didn't want to talk to him-it probably would've helped to not be alone-but I didn't want to face it right then. I didn't want to see James and face the guilt of leaving him, of leaving my grandpa. I just wanted to forget and drown everything out.

"Sorry, I let you down, Gramps." I whispered, hanging my head.

The house was quiet. Unsettling.

I finally moved from my spot in the entrance and walked past the winding staircase that went to the second floor. Grandpa had said he'd moved to a room on the first floor a year or so before because the stairs were becoming too hard for him.

More tears sprang to my eyes at the memory. Maybe if I would've spent more time with him, I would've seen the signs that he wasn't well. Those tears fell full-force when I entered the living room and saw all the pictures on the mantel above the fireplace. There was a huge photo of me in my uniform framed in the center, and there were others from various games throughout the years beside it, as well as pictures from me in school.

One caught my eye, and I went over to it. It was of me and Grandpa, taken two years ago when I'd flown him out to one of my games. He looked proud as he stood beside me, smiling ear to ear and wearing a jersey with my number.

I felt like a phony.

He'd been so proud of me, but he'd never known the real truth about me and James. Of what we'd been to each other. Every time he'd asked me over the years of whether I was seeing a _pretty little lady_ I'd always say _maybe_. When the rumours started spreading that I was seeing a model from the UK named Veronica, Grandpa had asked me about it, and I'd played along even though it wasn't true.

I had planned to tell him the truth one day, but now I'd never get the chance.

Once again, I'd been too late. Too preoccupied with my own shit.

His funeral was the next morning, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye. It'd taken me days to work up enough courage to even enter his house, the house I'd grown up in. It was going to be damn hard to see him in a casket, absent of his funny personality and everything that made him who he was. I didn't know how I would handle seeing him so...lifeless.

Grandpa wasn't a drunk or anything close to one, but he always had a stash of whiskey in a cupboard in the kitchen. When I'd been younger, he had kept it locked up, but as I'd gotten older, he had trusted me enough not to get into it.

I walked in that direction, hoping he still had some stashed away. I needed a strong drink to calm my frayed nerves a bit. And to help numb the pain. When I opened the cabinet, I released a relieved sigh.

Good old Jack Daniels.

After grabbing the bottle and a small glass, I poured some into it and drank it like a shot. Then I had a second. And a third. On my fourth, I slowly sipped it and stared out the French doors in the kitchen that gave a view of the backyard and all the land beyond it.

Grandpa had been pretty well off financially for as long as I could remember, and his house was considered a manor instead of a simple farmhouse. It sat on twenty acres, made up of woods and a small field, and the house itself had been in the family for generations. I'd offered to buy him a brand new one before, but he'd said no, saying this was his home and he didn't want to be anywhere else.

I could see why. There wasn't anything quite like it.

* * *

 **Done! So... yeah. A pretty intense chapter with Kendall's grandfather passing away. But on the bright side, Kendall broke up with Jett and was reunited with James, albeit briefly.**

 **I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as your thoughts on Kames' brief reunion.**

 **Next chapter will be up either tomorrow or Monday, and will pick up at the funeral.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, annabellex2, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Such a shame about Bill." My mom said as she gave me a hug. "He was such a kind hearted man. The world is a sadder place without him in it. When did Kendall get in town?"

"Wednesday." I stepped back and fixed my tie. "I was with him when he made the arrangements for today, but I haven't talked to him much since then."

Mom watched me with concerned eyes. "I'm not sure what happened to put you boys at odds all those years ago, but you two were always so close. You can-"

"Mom, please not now." I interrupted, shaking my head. "I told you, it's complicated. And now's not the time."

I had come out to my parents during my first year in college, but I had never told them about me and Kendall. It wasn't my place to out him to anyone. So, I'd come out on my own, and they'd been weird about it at first. It hadn't taken them long to come to terms with it, though. The reason I gave them for mine and Kendall's falling out had sort of been the truth, just minus a few details. I'd told them we'd had a huge fight about him going to USC, and we'd agreed it best we not talk anymore.

"Okay." She said, rubbing my arm. "I'm glad he's back in town. Even if it's for a not so good reason."

Dad got out of the car and approached us. His eyes were puffy, and I patted his back. I definitely got my sensitive side from him. He cried at everything, happy or sad. Over the years, he'd talked to Bill too and had gotten pretty close with him, so I knew it was more than just an overly sensitive heart.

The service was being held in a funeral home downtown. It was a nice building with a lot of greenery surrounding it, I guess in an attempt to give off a feeling of tranquility for the grieving families. But to me, it just kind of made it more sad. Not sure why, but it did.

An older man held the door open for us as we entered the building. He handed us a pamphlet for the service and on the front was a photo of Bill. It still seemed like a bad dream that he was actually gone.

There'd be no more days of me going over to his house after work and having dinner with him. No more of us sitting on his back porch and talking about life and how proud he was of Kendall, which he loved to do.

As I felt myself start to tear up, I took a deep breath and blinked them back.

"James." A familiar voice said from behind me. I turned to see Kendall, and my breath caught in my throat. He was in a black suit that somehow looked different on him that it did on the rest of us. "Thank you so much for being here."

"Of course." I said, hugging him. I might've lingered in his arms a little longer than necessary, which I knew was a bad idea, but I couldn't help myself. I missed him so much it hurt. "You know he was like my grandpa too."

"I know." He continued holding me before slowly pulling away. "Thanks for being there for him when I wasn't."

That one statement had so much guilt within it, and the look in his eyes mirrored that emotion. I knew him so well, and no amount of time could change that.

"Don't do this to yourself, Ken." I said, refraining for reaching out to him again like I wanted. "Bill was so damn proud of you, and he understood why you weren't around much. Your happiness is all he ever wanted."

 _It's all I ever wanted too, which is why I let you go._

"The service is about to start." Kendall said, looking into the main room before turning back to me. His blond hair had that controlled messy look, and his green eyes were so vulnerable. "Will you sit with me?"

What he was really saying: I need you.

I immediately nodded. "I'll be with you the whole time."

His eyes watered. "Thank you."

We walked through the doors together and took a seat in the front pew. Kendall had ensured Bill had the most beautiful service. The black casket was surrounded by gorgeous flower arrangements and topped with a burial wreath that looked to include an assortment of carnations, hydrangeas, and Stargazer lilies encased in aspidistra and ivy vines.

When the preacher began the introduction, talking about how great of a man Bill was and discussing parts of his life, Kendall reached over and grabbed my hand. He continued to stare straight ahead, but his fingers squeezed mine, as if I was his anchor.

Right then, I didn't think of all the reasons I should keep him at a distance. All I thought about was how much he needed me, and how I wouldn't let him down. I'd figure out everything else later, but for the moment, I was going to be there for my friend.

The seven years apart might've changed a lot, but that wasn't one of them.

XxX

After one hell of an emotional day, Kendall asked me to come over to his grandpa's house. Well, it was technically his house now, since Bill had left everything to him in his will, but to us, it would always be Bill's place.

"Do you want a drink?" Kendall asked a few minutes after I'd walked through the door.

"No thanks." I said, shrugging out of my jacket and draping it over the back of the couch.

"Well, I'm gonna drink." He said before walking into the kitchen.

I stared after him a moment before following him in there. He'd clearly made a visit to the liquor store recently by the brand new bottle of Captain Morgan and the case of beer. He grabbed a glass and poured a generous amount of Morgan in it before adding some Coke.

After taking a drink, he stared out the window.

It was dark outside, so I was sure he couldn't see much, but still he stared.

"Do you remember that time we discovered the small door that led under the house, and we grabbed some flashlights and went exploring?" He asked before taking another drink.

I smiled. "Yeah, we were like ten, right? We crawled around under the house and pretended it was some adventure. Then that one time we brought food with us and ate down there like a couple of weirdos."

Kendall chuckled. "Gramps was so mad when he found out and he ended up putting a lock on the door so we couldn't go back down there. 'Gonna get snake bit,' he said."

"He had a point, though." I stated, stepping up beside him. "Remember that one time I _did_ say I thought I felt something touch my leg."

"That was my hand." He admitted with a sheepish grin.

"You ass." I said with a laugh. "If we're going down memory lane, I think I _will_ have that drink." I grabbed a beer and popped the cap before taking a long swig from the bottle. I never drank, unless it was socially. But even then, I only had a drink or two. I liked to stay alert and in control. Plus, I didn't handle liquor well.

We went into the living room after that. Kendall sat on the couch, and I almost sat beside him, but ended up choosing the recliner on second thought. He scrunched his brow as I sat down but then he focused on his glass.

"Remember when we got lost in the woods?" I asked, wanting to distract him from whatever thought that had visibly upset him. "We wandered around for hours, and then you found that piece of clothing stuck on a sharp branch. We scared the hell out of ourselves as we made up a story of how it got there, saying that someone had gotten kidnapped or murdered."

It worked.

Kendall grinned and rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. "Oh, god. By the end of it, we were both crying and hiding under a tree. When we hadn't made it home after dark, Gramps came looking for us."

"Then you screamed when you saw his flashlight." I said.

"I didn't scream!" He lied. "It was a gasp."

"Yeah, a gasp of utter terror." I pointed out, laughing. "You thought the killer was coming for us."

More stories of our childhood were told, and the more we talked, the less awkward it seemed. It was as if the seven years hadn't passed, and we were the same as we'd been before having our falling out.

There were a few times when we'd get to talking about Gramps and we'd tear up, but we tried to stick to the happy memories. While we were still sad at his passing, we celebrated his life and how amazing he'd been.

"So what's it like being a teacher?" Kendall asked after having several more glasses.

We'd done a lot of talking that night, but we'd stayed in the past instead of discussing our present. The change made me nervous.

"Pretty great, actually." I answered, watching his face for his reaction. "My first day teaching, I had a kid backtalk me. It took me a little while to know how to handle it all."

His brows shot up. "Wow. Do the kids still act like that?"

"No. There are a few that I know can do better in class than they're doing, but for the most part, they're an excellent bunch of kids."

"Look at us." Kendall grinned and studied his near-empty glass. "We've both done well for ourselves. You with the English thing and me with hockey."

"Yep."

"Want another?" He asked, nodding to my now empty beer.

"Sure." When he stood, so did I, and we went back into the kitchen. He stumbled a bit as he got to the counter, and I quickly shoved and arm out to steady him. "Maybe you've had enough, though."

"Nah, I'm good." He said after bracing himself on the edge of the counter. After taking a few breaths, he lightly chuckled. "Okay, I might just have a beer instead. I'm not drunk, but the room is spinning just a little."

I shook my head. "That's called drunk, Ken."

He held my gaze. "If you say so."

I regarded him as he looked down, and my chest tightened as other memories started to surface. Us sitting by the lake before he tackled me and smiled down at me, his eyes bright and full of warmth.

I recalled the taste of him and how easily we used to laugh together. How he used to tell me we were each other's first and only. But more than anything, I remembered the way he'd made me feel after we'd had sex. How he'd hold me so close to his heart.

"What's wrong?" He asked, moving his green eyes back to mine.

I snapped out of my thoughts. "Nothing. Just zoning. It's been a long week."

Before I could do something stupid, like grab his face and crush my lips to his, I walked over to the French doors, putting some distance between us.

"James, I…" He took several steps forward before stopping just a foot or so in front of me. "With everything that's happened since I got here, we haven't really talked about what really happened with us."

Shit. It was wishful thinking to hope he wouldn't bring up that part of the past. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat eager to talk to him about it, but a bigger part of me knew it wouldn't change anything.

We'd grown too far apart.

"You broke my heart." He said with his voice cracking on the last word. A sound that mirrored the cracking in my chest. "I keep replaying those last few days over and over in my head, James, and I can't figure it out."

My insides coiled, but I tried to keep a straight face. "There's nothing to figure out. We drifted apart. It happens."

"That's bullshit." He snapped, coming forward and grabbing my wrist. "I knew we had that fight when I told you about USC, and I said some things I shouldn't have, but that shit you said over the phone came out of nowhere. That we wouldn't have worked out if I'd stayed." He released my arm but didn't move away. Instead, he moved closer until his forehead rested against mine. "I was so close to coming home to you and then you shattered me. Why?"

My heart went wild and I yearned to put my arms around him. To bury my face in his neck like I used to do.

I stepped back.

If I told him the truth, he'd get pissed. Sometimes I got mad at myself for it too, but at the time, I'd convinced myself it'd been the right thing to do. Without me, he'd been free to do whatever the hell he wanted. Free to reach the potential I knew he was possible of reaching.

"It doesn't matter why." I said.

"Bullshit. I matters to _me_." Kendall closed the distance between us again, and when I tried to pull away, he placed his hand against the wall beside my head and barricaded me in. "Please, James. Quit trying to run away and fucking talk to me."

"We've both been drinking." I met his hardened expression. "I don't think it's a good idea to talk about it tonight."

His stare was unwavering, and he didn't move a muscle. "If not now, then when? Because I've been waiting a long ass time for answers." His face softened and his hand moved to my neck, playing with the hair at my nape. "You're the love of my life, James. What the fuck happened to us?"

If I was being honest with myself, I was afraid of his reaction. It would crush me if he agreed that I would've been a distraction back then. I mean, I knew that I would be, but actually hearing it? And was he dating someone else? He sure as hell hadn't come out in the past seven years.

Maybe he never would.

"Like I said. We grew up."

"I don't accept that answer." He said, tightening his jaw.

"I need to get home. It's late." I said. The feel of him against me felt so _right_ , but I refused to give into him. "Move your arm."

Surprisingly, he did.

"You can't drive home." He pointed out. "You can crash in the guest room tonight."

"Okay." I said, knowing he was right. I wasn't drunk, but I still didn't want to risk getting behind the wheel. After brushing past him, I walked toward the staircase. But on the first step, I looked back at him. He was in the same spot in the kitchen, just staring at the wall. "Goodnight."

He turned his head toward me, but didn't say anything. Then, he walked out of sight. I heard another bottle being opened and a pain spread through my chest.

Kendall was grieving over a loss and just trying to make sense of what happened with us… and instead of helping him, I'd only wounded him deeper. But giving him answers meant I'd be opening myself up to more than just his reaction, and I didn't know if I was ready for any of it.

Some secrets were better kept in the past.

* * *

 **Done! So, yeah... Looks like Kames might not be getting back together anytime soon. Or will they? Who knows?**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will most likely be up by Wednesday, so you won't have to wait too long for that.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello again eveeryone! New update alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Side1ways, Guest, and annabellex2 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

The morning was cold despite the sun shining down on me. I wore sweatpants, a long sleeved shirt and a thick jacket over it, plus gloves and a beanie covering my ears, and I was still freezing my balls off.

Running helped me think, though, and I had a lot on my mind.

James was definitely not the same person he used to be. People changed as they grew up, but I guess I'd fooled myself into thinking he'd be the same sweet guy who used to nerd out about classic literature one moment and then kiss like there was no tomorrow the next.

Now, he was detached and unreadable.

There were the occasional glimpses of the James I once knew, but they faded almost as quickly as they appeared.

I'd jogged this same road so many times that I still remembered it all these years later. The curve to the right once I got to the corner with the oak tree, the straight and narrow path after that, followed by another right turn that brought me back around to the entrance of Grandpa's land. The familiarity of it allowed me to think about other things. But as James went through my head-and the cold look in his eyes from a few nights ago-I decided that concentrating on the path was healthier.

A while later, I got back to the house, stripped out of my jogging clothes, and took a hot shower. I stayed in there longer than usual, breathing in the steam and letting the water soothe my muscles.

 _What the hell am I going to do?_

Grandpa had left everything to me. Since he willed me his estate and I was the only beneficiary, it didn't have to go through probate court and it shouldn't take too long for everything to be finalized. Maybe a month or two. That's where I struggled.

I had my own life in Kansas City and had no intention of moving back to Willow, but I didn't want the house to just sit there and rot with no one living in it.

Just the idea of selling it hurt. My whole childhood was in that house. The marks Grandpa had made on the wall as I grew taller, the fence we'd built in the backyard, and the garden I'd helped him plant throughout the years.

Having a stranger move in and take over didn't sit right with me. And I knew Gramps wouldn't have liked that either.

Once my skin began turning bright pink, I shut off the shower and got out. I pulled on another pair of sweats before going downstairs and starting a pot of coffee. It'd been about a week since I'd arrived in Willow and it still felt strange being there without Gramps. I half-expected him to walk around the corner any moment and smile before talking about what he was going to cook that day.

My phone rang, and I jolted, almost spilling my coffee down my chest. Everything was so damn quiet out here.

"Hey, Dak." I answered once seeing the caller ID.

"Hey, man." He said. "You doing okay?"

I had called him the day after I got here to tell him about what happened, but hadn't talked to him since.

"Yeah. It's just hard to wrap my head around sometimes." I sat down at the kitchen table and gazed into the back field. "I wonder if it'll ever get easier."

"It will." He responded in a hopeful tone. "When my cousin died a few years ago, I was the same way. Feeling kinda lost and often times numb. But it eventually passes. The loss still hurts, but it gets easier to cope with over time."

"How are things with you?" I asked, needed a distraction from my own problems. "Have you proposed to Stephanie yet?"

Dak chuckled. "Um, no. Not yet. Shit, it's a lot harder than I thought it'd be. Like, I love her, and I know she feels the same. But I want it to be perfect and something she'll always remember."

"I'm by no means an expert on the matter, but you can't just keep waiting for what you think is the _perfect_ moment. It'll be special to her because it's coming from you. Don't overthink it."

"So, I should just stick the ring in the middle of a pizza and give it to her?" He asked, and I didn't have to see his face to know that he was full of shit. "That'll be special."

"Definitely memorable." I said before taking another drink of my coffee. "Thanks for checking up on me."

"Anytime, Knight. Oh, hey, babe!" I was confused for a moment, until I heard Stephanie's voice in the background. She must've just walked in. "I'll check in with you later, man."

"Okay. Later."

After hanging up, I finished the rest of my coffee before pouring a second cup. When the silence of the house became too much, I put on my shoes and coat and went to sit on the back porch. With it being winter, there wasn't much noise outside either, but it was better than being cooped inside.

There weren't just memories of my grandpa everywhere, but of James too. He'd practically lived at my house junior and senior year of high school. I saw signs of him everywhere I looked.

I wanted to fix things. I wanted to fix _us_. But I didn't know how.

Like an idiot, I'd hoped I could return to my hometown and pick up as if I'd never left. That me and James would meet back up, have a huge sappy reunion, and then talk about old times. But after seven years, that was impossible. Too much had changed between the two of us.

And he was stubborn.

Even in the beginning of our relationship, he'd often tried pushing me away. Mostly out of fear of what other people would think.

Once, we'd been at my house, around the time we'd first started fooling around. We'd both been stressed over whether we were going to tell people about us, or whether we were going to ignore our feelings and stop.

We were going over homework when I'd kissed his bare shoulder.

" _Stop, Ken. We can't do this anymore."_

" _Why not?" I asked, grabbing his chin and tilted his face back to me._

" _It's wrong." He said with indifference._

 _With my thumb, I stroked his cheek. "If it's wrong, then why aren't you pulling away from me? Why does it feel like the rightest thing in the world?"_

 _James' eyes watered a bit. "Because we belong together."_

 _My heart leapt from my chest, and I pressed my head to his. "Yeah, we do."_

" _But what will people say-"_

" _It doesn't matter what they think." I said, cutting him off. "But if you want to keep this a secret for a little while, we can. You just gotta tell me, Jay."_

" _I love you." He said, leaning into me. "I love you with all my heart. I'm just not ready for other people to know that yet."_

The memory hurt. It was also a bit ironic that I'd been so ready to come out back then, but there I was now, still hiding my true self and letting people believe I was banging a supermodel just so they wouldn't become suspicious. Losing James had changed me. Perhaps it was because going through it alone was too nerve-wracking.

At least when we were a couple, it was something we would've faced together.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I called him. It rang a few times before going to voicemail. I called him again and had the same result.

"Hey, James." I said after the beep. "We need to talk. Call me when you can."

It was Wednesday and he was in school. So maybe he wasn't intentionally ignoring me.

We needed to find time to talk, though, and soon. I doubted we'd ever get back together, but we could at least be friends again. I needed my best friend back.

Sick of the cold, I went back inside and decided to kill some time by watching TV. That got old quick. No amount of crime dramas could hold my attention with the mood I was in. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Sit around and twiddle my thumbs while I waited for shit to happen?

There were things I should be doing.

I _needed_ to sort through Grandpa's things and figure out what I wanted to keep and what could be given away or donated, but I wasn't ready to face that yet.

My agent emailed me about doing an ad for shoes. I needed to respond to her.

Jett had called me a million times since I'd been here, and I kept rejecting his calls. I'd have to deal with him sometime. The way we ended things had been abrupt and we needed to talk about it now that we'd had time to calm down. I had no desire at all to get back with him, but I hated ending things on bad terms.

James was to blame for that. The way he'd dumped me had fucked me up, and ever since then, I had issues with unresolved conflicts.

"Fuck it. I'm not dealing with any of it right now." I told myself as I lay on the couch.

Staring up at the ceiling, I thought about my life. I had one more season with the Mavericks, and then what? Would they replace me with someone younger and who wasn't hindered by past injuries?

Would I care if they did?

No career in pro-level hockey ever lasted long. There'd been a few exceptions over the years. For the most part, a career only lasted four to six years before you were replaced.

Hockey had been my life ever since middle school, though, and I didn't know anything else. Hell, I didn't even have a damn hobby to fall back on.

My throat tightened as it hit me that I'd normally call Gramps when I was struggling like that. He'd always given me the best advice and helped me keep a level head.

" _Take a deep breath and then tell me what's going on, son."_ He'd say. _"We'll figure it out together."_

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks and my body shuddered with suppressed sobs.

Not even a month ago, I'd had it all. Family who loved and supported me, a successful career, and I'd had a direction of where my life was heading. There'd been no doubts about anything.

Now?

I just felt alone.

* * *

"Have you heard that Kendall Knight is in town?" A girl asked her friend as they entered my class that afternoon. Her name was Jess, and she was on the girls' basketball team. She was a nice girl. "He is so freaking hot. I'd love to sit on his face."

Okay, nice, but certainly not innocent. I cringed and forced myself to stop listening, but they weren't exactly talking quietly.

"His grandpa died." The other girl, Lindsey, answered, sitting down in her assigned seat. "It's so sad, right? Poor guy is probably all heartbroken."

"Nothing that a good night with me won't fix." Jess said with a flirty smile. "You think he's still seeing Veronica Castro?"

My heart ached at the mention of him dating someone else, and a woman no less. Not that Kendall couldn't be bisexual, but I highly doubted it. Even before we'd started dating, he'd never shown any interest in girls. If he was dating a woman, there was a huge chance he was doing it just to put on a show.

And maybe it was also the thought of him with someone else, male or female, that upset me. Okay, no _maybe_ about it. I loathed the thought.

It was always supposed to be just us.

" _You're my first and my last." Kendall said before pressing his lips to my forehead. "We're gonna spend the rest of our lives together."_

" _How do you know?" I asked, peering up at him. We were only eighteen and had our whole lives ahead of us. "Anything could change."_

" _That won't." A determined look sparked in his eyes. "I'll always love you."_

" _Promise?"_

 _He caressed my cheek before moving his fingers to my mouth, outlining my lips. "I swear. No one will ever have my heart except for you."_

 _His words seared into my heart, and I knew no one else would ever touch mine either._

" _If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were sort of a romantic."_

 _I grinned when he playfully cut his eyes at me._

" _Yeah, don't tell anyone." Kendall said before kissing the side of my neck. "I have a reputation to uphold."_

 _I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms around him._

" _James?" His tone was different. More serious. His eyes met mine, and the silliness from earlier was gone. "You believe me, right? That I love you?"_

" _Of course." I didn't even have to think about it._

 _There might've been a lot in life I didn't know for certain, but I_ knew _his love was real._

The memory faded with the ringing of the bell.

"Okay, quiet down, guys." I said once everyone was seated.

My afternoon classes were usually chattier than my earlier ones, because it was after lunch and the kids were more energized. "Did everyone write down their topic for the research paper? We're going to the computer lab today so you all can work on it."

Some of them looked confused, and I suppressed a smile. They were one of my senior classes, and most of them were getting senioritis, which was a condition that caused a distracted mind, little motivation to work, and a lot of skipped school days.

However, I wasn't going to let that keep me from doing my best to prepare them for college. The research paper was supposed to help them with their research skills, of course, but also to help them create a good hypothesis, followed by an introduction, body, and conclusion supporting that idea.

"I'll go down the list and call out your topics. Again." I said, walking to my desk.

I read off everyone's topics, making sure everyone knew their assignment before we left the classroom. They followed me down the hall toward the computer lab, and I had to tell them to keep it down along the way because they talked too loud to their friends.

Once we'd entered the room, they each took a seat at a computer, but five minutes into doing research most of them had started goofing off.

"Remember," I said, getting their attention. "I'm letting you guys work on this during class for the next two weeks. What you don't get done _here_ , you have to do at home. On your own time." I crossed my arms and looked at Jess, who was goggling pictures of a _very_ sexy Kendall during his Under Armour photoshoot. "So, I'd be smart about how you use this class period."

Jess blushed once she caught me looking at her and quickly closed the tab.

I wasn't too strict, but I wasn't a pushover either. I understood them because I'd been just like them not too long ago.

Freshmen year, Kendall and I had been every teacher's worst nightmare. We'd talked so much during class that they'd had to seperate us, and even then, we'd thrown rolled-up notes back and forth to each other. I had gotten detention so many times that year, but every second had been worth it.

By junior year, we'd calmed down a lot and started thinking of our academic futures more, but we'd still had our obnoxious moments all the way up to graduation.

 _Why am I thinking of him so much?_

I sighed and sat at the vacant computer toward the end of the row. To keep my mind preoccupied, I went to a site called Free Rice. It had multiple subjects to choose from-math, English, science-and whichever one you picked, you'd get multiple choice questions to answer. Each correct answer donated food to help end hunger.

It wasn't most people's idea of fun, but I liked it.

I selected the English Vocabulary option and began answering questions. They started off easy at first and got harder as you went on. I got up to one thousand rice donated before a student needed me to clarify a part of the assignment.

Class ended, and I waited until all the students were out of the computer lab before walking back to my classroom. Only one hour left and then the work day would be over.

All week, I'd wanted to call Kendall and apologize for acting like an asshole over the weekend, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was too ashamed of my behavior, but also nervous. Nervous about getting close to him again and not being able to stop myself from repeating the past.

 _Afraid of opening up to him and getting hurt again._

He wasn't going to stay in Willow forever. Once he took care of Gramps' estate, he was leaving. He had a big life to get back to, and unfortunately, the fact of the matter was that it didn't include me.

XxX

"Hey, James." Kendall said over the voicemail. "We need to talk. Call me when you can."

I listened to it one more time, trying to get a read on him. I had a good idea of what he wanted to talk about, and once we went to that place there'd be no going back. It had to be done, though, for both his sake and mine.

After taking several deep breaths, I called him.

"Hello?" He answered before the third ring.

"Hey, what's up?" God, that was such a teen thing to say, but it's all I could come up with.

"Nothing much. You?"

So casual...and weird. I wasn't used to things being this awkward with Kendall.

"I got your voicemail." I said, slowly pacing back and forth in my living room. Looking at the time on my phone, I saw that it was a little before five that afternoon. "You're right. We do need to talk. Do you wanna grab dinner together?"

"Yeah." He said, and he sounded surprised. And hopeful. "That'd be great. Where do you wanna go? Anywhere is fine with me."

I was about to suggest a restaurant in town, but then I changed my mind. If we were going to talk, _really_ talk, I wanted privacy just in case things got heated. It was hard to hash everything out in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

"Come over to my place." I said, walking down the hall and into the kitchen. My house was on the smaller side and lacked the extravagance he was probably used to. However, I did okay for myself with living off a teacher's salary.

"You're going to cook for me?" He asked, and it was hard to miss the smile in his voice.

Damn him.

"Yeah, don't get a big head about it. It's just food." I opened the pantry, flipped on the light, and scanned the shelves. I'd planned on making spaghetti that night anyway, so I'd just make a little extra. "I'll text you my address."

We got off the phone and I grabbed the box of dry pasta and sauce from the pantry before placing them on the counter. After grabbing a pot and filling it halfway with water, I put it on the stove and switchen on the burner. While the water was heating, I grabbed the cast-iron skillet and put it on the other burner before getting the ground beef from the refrigerator.

I was going over each step of the very simple meal in my head just to have a distraction from the fact that Kendall was coming over to my house.

Crap, I didn't even know what I looked like. I'd changed into a pair of comfy lounge pants and an old T-shirt after I'd gotten home from work, so _messy_ was probably the answer. I didn't expect anything to happen with me and Kendall, so it really didn't matter if I looked like shit.

Right?

 _Who the hell am I trying to kid?_

I totally understood then why people tried to impress their exes. Not in an attempt to get laid, although I wouldn't mind that too much seeing as it'd been a while since I'd been with anyone, but more so to make themselves feel better. Empowered. Like an _'I'm doing great without you'_ type thing.

That was _so_ far from the truth, but _he_ didn't have to know that. My sex life was laughable at best.

I'd had a lot of sex in college, more as an attempt to forget about Kendall and the hole in my chest. There'd been more gay and bi men than I'd thought there'd be, and I took full advantage of that. At one point during those college years, I'd gotten really bad and was having sex with multiple guys a week.

But no one ever made me feel the way he had.

Once I'd graduated, I started focusing more on finding a job and then keeping it once I had. Sex then became a rare occurrence. It'd been about ten months since I'd been with someone.

Not that I was counting the time or anything.

Kendall got there as I was draining the grease from the ground beef. The noodles needed a few more minutes to cook, and I still had to put the garlic bread in the oven.

"Come in!" I yelled as I heard him knock on the door. "I'm in the kitchen."

"How'd you know it was me?" He asked after walking into the kitchen. "I could've been a serial killer."

"Serial killers don't knock." I pointed out. I set the skillet back on the stove before grabbing the tray of bread and sticking it in the oven. "They'd sneak in through a window or pick the lock. Didn't Criminal Minds teach you anything?"

Kendall leaned on the counter and came into my line of sight. "Need any help?"

God, why did he have to look so good?

He was wearing a red beanie that read _CLASSY AS FUCK_ -typical Kendall humor-and his jawline was free of scruff. His green eyes were zoned in on me, and the smile in the corner of his mouth was familiar. He reminded me so much of the Kendall I used to know.

"Yeah, sure." I answered, returning his smile. "Can you strain the noodles?"

I told him where the strainer was and he took the pot of noodles over to sink. Together, we finished making dinner and set the table. When the timer went off, I took the bread from the oven and placed a few pieces on each of our plates. After pouring us each a glass of sweet tea, I joined him at the table.

"Thanks for cooking." He said before looking down at his plate with a thoughtful expression. "It's been a while since I had a home cooked meal."

A tingling happened in my chest, and I inwardly cursed the feeling. _Now's not the time to get soft._

"Ah, it's nothing fancy." I downplayed it, hoping that'd help me keep my guard up.

We didn't say anything for a while as we started eating. No silence had ever been weird between us, but this one was. Perhaps because we knew we'd eventually have to face the tension keeping us at odds.

Glancing at him, I noticed his scrunched brow and knew he was mulling something around in his head.

"How was work today?" He asked.

I was surprised he hadn't cut right to the chase, but I was thankful he didn't. Usually, I wasn't a fan of small talk. However, I felt it was needed with us. Having been apart for so long, we'd lost our connection, and we needed to work up to more significant topics.

"Good." I answered after swallowing a bite of spaghetti. I'd added just a tad too much salt to it, so I took a drink of tea to wash it down. "I'm having the kids write a research paper, so we're using the computer lab for the next two weeks."

"It's still hard for me to imagine you as a teacher." Kendall said with a grin. "Are you a hard ass?"

"Maybe just a little." I said. His grin widened, and it was contagious. "Some students are more appreciative than others, but it's for their own good." He nodded and a silence followed. I bounced my knee under the table. It felt like I was grasping at straws as I tried to find something else to talk about. "What did you do today?"

"Pretty much everything _except_ what I was supposed to." He answered. "I need to go through Grandpa's things, but I'm not prepared for it yet."

"When you decide to do it, let me know and I'll come over to help." I offered, unable to stop myself before I reached across the table and covered his hand with mine. "You don't have to do it alone."

He upturned his palm and slid his fingers through mine. "Thanks, Jay."

My heart raced at the contact and the use of my nickname, and I pulled my hand away. "No problem."

Kendall watched my retreating hand with a pulled together brow before picking up his fork and taking another bite.

Through the rest of dinner, we continued with the small talk, and I found it was getting easier to carry on the conversation. I didn't have to think as much or worry about asking the wrong thing. I talked about how much I loved teaching. He talked about hockey.

We carefully treaded the waters. Neither of us mentioned current relationships or anything to do with us as a couple, past or present.

Once we'd finished eating, I took our plates to the sink and rinsed them off before putting them in the dishwasher. My dishwasher was on its deathbed, making horrendous high-pitched noises lately when it was running, but I'd go as long as possible before replacing it. I added in the soap before starting it.

When I turned back around, Kendall was a few feet away, standing with his hands in his front pockets.

 _Ugh. This is it._

"Can we talk now?" He asked. "Like no more bullshit _how's the weather_ shit but actually talk?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice not to shake.

"Do you wanna stay in here or go in the living room?"

"I don't think it matters, Ken. Let's just get it over with."

His green eyes narrowed. "Get it over with?"

"Yeah." I said, finding my confidence again. Or maybe I was just good at hiding my true feelings. "What's done is done, and I don't see a point of dwelling in the past."

"It's how people move forward." Kendall walked closer. "You know, talking like fucking adults and not running from the past."

"Funny you should talk about _running_." I retorted, somewhat taken aback by the venom in my voice. Looks like I'd held on to more anger than I'd thought. "When you got that damn call from the USC coach, you couldn't pack your bags fast enough."

"Seven years later and you're _still_ pissed about that?" He crossed his arms as a defiant expression crossed his face. "If I remember correctly it was _you_ who said we shouldn't talk anymore. You. Not me. You cut me out of your life like I was nothing!"

I flinched as he yelled, but I stood my ground.

"And why do you think I did that, Kendall? Huh? You have a brain so why don't you fucking use it?!" I balled my fists and approached him. "You _left_ me! Without so much as a fucking goodbye. We had a fight and you packed your bags and left."

The anger in his eyes waned as guilt took over. He squared his jaw and stared at me.

"What was I supposed to say to you over the phone?" I continued, becoming angrier by the second. All of the bottled up rage was at its breaking point. "Beg you to come back home because I was lost without you? Tell you how much I love you and need you? Then what? So you could hate me for the rest of your life for getting in the way of your perfect future? The future you've _dreamed_ of having for years? I did what I believed was best for you."

His reaction was unexpected. I'd thought my words would piss him off and fuel his own anger, but instead it was like throwing water on the fire. It was as if he'd finally uncovered some truth he'd desperately been searching for.

"That's why you broke up with me." He said, more as a statement rather than a question.

 _Shit. I hadn't meant to let that slip._

Then his voice grew louder. "So you're saying you fucking broke my heart because you were _doing me a favor_?! All this time, I actually believed you dumped me because you didn't want me. And now you're saying that it was just some bullshit reason that could've been resolved if you'd just told me the goddamn truth?!"

"No. You do _not_ have the right to be pissed, Kendall." I snapped, getting in his face. "What was it you said to me that day before you pushed me down and left me? _'_ _I'm going to leave this town and make something of myself, and you're going to be stuck here forever. All you'll ever be is another kid who didn't have the balls to chase what he wanted. You'll be_ nothing _. And I refuse to settle with this life.'_ I think that's almost verbatim."

It was then that I realized I was crying, and I angrily wiped at my eyes.

"You were the one who didn't want _me_." I said, glaring at him through my tears. "So I let you go to spare you from making a mistake you'd later regret. To spare you from _settling_."

Kendall lifted his hand and cupped my cheek. I tried to jerk away, but then he used his other arm to grip my lower back and hold me in place.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. His lip trembled slightly and his eyes brimmed with unshed tears. "If I could take it all back, I would."

"No, you wouldn't." I said, trying to hold onto my anger. I knew that once I let go of it, I'd give in to him. "You wouldn't give up your fame, career, and supermodel girlfriend just to go back and choose me instead."

"What?" He asked, looking genuinely confused. "Girlfriend?"

"Don't play dumb, Kendall." I said. When I tried to shrug from his hold again, he let me. "Just admit you're fucking her."

"Veronica and I are just friends." He ran a hand through the top of his blond hair before rubbing the side of his face, something he used to do when he was anxious. "When the rumors started about us after the perfume ad, I didn't deny them because, as you're well aware, I haven't come out yet and yeah, maybe I was shitty for not being honest about myself, but she and I aren't together. We talk a lot and she's been my date to some athletic banquets and red carpets, but we're just friends."

"I'm sure she's tried to sleep with you though." I said, feeling my skin prickle at the thought. Damn jealousy. I hated it. "You're the sexy Kendall Knight after all. All-American athlete with a nice ass and pretty face. You've probably fucked the whole modeling department, cheerleaders, and anyone else who waved themselves in your face."

"Enough!" He yelled, grabbing the collar of my shirt and tugging me toward him. "Why are you acting like this? You know damn well that girls don't do anything for me."

"No, I don't." I told him, shaking my head. "I don't know who you are anymore."

"Yeah?" He pulled me so close our noses touched. "Well the feeling is mutual, because I don't fucking know you either."

And then he crushed his mouth to mine.

At first, I tried to shove him away, but then I stopped fighting it. I moaned, and instead of pushing him away, I tangled my fingers in his hair and brought him closer. His lips were soft and just as I remembered. The way they fit against mine was perfect.

In that moment, I forgot that I was supposed to keep my distance. I forgot that I'd sworn to myself I wouldn't let him past my emotional barriers.

Stange how _he_ was the one who'd left all those years ago, but having him back in my arms made _me_ feel like the one who'd come home.

* * *

 **Done! So, yeah... that happened. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **So, a pretty big chapter for Kames. The next one will pretty much pick up where this one left off, and will be up by this weekend! 😁**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hello again everyone! This is going up a little earlier than expected, so...yeah. :P**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to annabellex2, winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I was seething with rage one moment and kissing James the next. He just made me so damn crazy sometimes. I know that I'd hurt him in the past and I completely regretted doing so, but he had to realize that he'd hurt me too. I'd lashed out at him like an impulsive kid and said some horrible things, but he'd lied to me about our relationship, saying he was glad I'd left.

So the hurt had gone both ways.

But none of that mattered as I'd held him in my arms.

Hearing his soft moans was like a memory that'd been suppressed for years and was now recovered. As the years had passed, I'd forgotten so much, no matter how tightly I'd tried holding onto the details. Everything had started to fade the longer we were apart. The feel of his warm body next to mine, the sound of his pleasure sighs, and the smell of his skin in the sun. Even the sound of his voice had begun to fade.

 _But we're together now._

Maybe not tomorrow or the day after that, but for _tonight_ , we could forget the past and embrace the present.

"I'm so pissed at you." James growled between kisses. His hand tightened in my hair as he grazed his teeth over my bottom lip. "I don't know if I want to punch you or fuck you senseless."

He pushed me against the counter and gripped my waist, holding me so tight that his fingertips pressed into my skin. When I broke from the kiss, he nipped at my jaw.

"I'd definitely go for the latter." I said, peering at him with heavy-lidded eyes. Something about him being aggressive was the biggest fucking turn on ever. He used to be more soft-spoken and sweet when we'd had sex.

Our mouths collided in a hard, teeth-clashing kiss, and I moaned deep in the back of my throat. Fuck, he drove me wild.

James guided me away from the counter and pushed me backward. I couldn't see where I was going, but I didn't care about anything but the taste and feel of him. I couldn't wait to buried balls deep in him, or vice-versa. My dick ached at the thought, and my heart soared.

It'd always been more than purely physical with James.

It felt like my heart had been encased in ice all these years and now he was hacking away at said ice with a sledgehammer.

"Why are you smiling?" James asked after tearing away from my lips. His voice was laced with aggression, but his hazel eyes met mine with tenderness.

"Because I'm home." I answered, caressing his cheek. His stubble was sexy as hell.

"Don't say shit like that." James slammed me against the nearest wall before grinding his hips forward, creating an electric sensation to zap through every one of my nerve cells.

"Why?" I asked, slipping my hand beneath the hem of his shirt and smoothing my fingers along his side. "I want to make love to you."

"We're not making love, Kendall." He said before gently biting my chin. "We're going to fuck."

Then his mouth was on mine again. He grabbed my shirt and jerked me away from the wall. His teeth clanked with mine as our tongues fought for control. Damn, I wasn't used to him being the aggressive one.

After bumping into another wall, an antique pie hutch, and the edge of a doorframe, we finally made it to his room. He shoved me onto the bed before crawling on top of me. The weight of him was amazing, and I moved my hand down the muscles of his back, getting harder by the second.

As we made out, he yanked off my shirt before going for my jeans. I lifted my hips so he could slide them off.

Then it was my turn.

I pulled his shirt up and over his head before tossing it aside and wrapping my arms around his torso. As I kissed his chest, I dipped my hand into the back of his pants and squeezed his ass. He groaned and rolled his body against mine. Finding his nipple, I flicked it with my tongue as I ran a finger over his entrance.

I didn't penetrate him yet, but I added slight pressure with my forefinger.

"God." He said on a moan, grabbing the back of my head and holding me in place as I sucked his nipple. His dick swelled and poked my abdomen through the material of his pants. "More."

When I stopped sucking him and withdrew my hand, he softly whimpered in protest.

I smirked up at him before bringing my fingers to my lips and sliding them into my mouth, getting them good and slick. He watched me with a hungry expression. Without breaking eye contact with him, I moved my hand back to his ass and glided a finger across his hole. After teasing him with it, I slowly pushed one inside him.

James groaned and tilted his head back.

Fuck, he was beautiful.

As I continued fingering him, I kissed along his collarbone, feeling the way his chest started rising and falling faster. I captured his other nipple with my mouth and lapped at it as I added a second finger.

"Ah! Kendall." He pressed his ass more onto my hand and began riding my fingers, rolling his body up and down. And when I touched that special place inside him, he shuddered. "Fuck. Stop. I'm gonna come."

Immediately, I withdrew my fingers and released his nipple with a wet pop. I grabbed the waistband of his pants and slid them down. James kicked them off before sitting back down on my lap.

There was a wet spot on the front of his boxers, and my mouth watered.

I wanted-no, _needed_ -to taste him.

Enfolding him in my arms, I flipped him to his back. He wiggled a little as I slid my finger under his boxers and teased the skin of his hip bone. The small dip there was to die for, and no longer able to control myself, I bent down to taste it.

He jolted and tangled his hand in my hair.

After I pulled down his boxers, his dick sprang free, slapping against the bottom of his stomach. I gripped his base, loving the meaty weight of him. I met his gaze as I stroked him.

He bit his bottom lip as he watched me.

"You like that?" I asked before teasingly licking his tip.

"Mmhmm." His slack jawed expression and the occasional twitches of his hard cock told me all I needed to know.

It'd been a while since I'd given a guy head. With Jett and all the guys before him, I'd done the bare minimum in the bedroom, wanting to just satiate my lust as fast as possible so I could go to sleep or do...pretty much anything else. Yeah, that might've made me seem like an asshole, but I hadn't seen the point in dragging out sex. There'd been no emotional connection and it'd been driven by pure lust.

Foreplay was too intimate in my opinion. Not prepping each other, but giving blowjobs, teasing touches, making out, and all of that. The act of pleasing the other person with no gain.

But with James, I _needed_ that intimacy. I wanted him writhing beneath me as I sucked his dick. I wanted to hear his pleasured cries and feel him lose control.

"Kendall." James whimpered as I swirled my tongue across his slit. "Fuck."

I massaged his tip as I kissed a trail down his shaft and toward his balls. Each of his moans was like fuel to the fire of my own need, but in that moment, all I could think about was _his_ pleasure.

"Ken, _please_." He begged as I teased his sac.

That's all I needed to hear.

I slid his cock back between my lips and added the right amount of suction. His pre-cum was salty on my tongue, and I dove in for more. My hand worked his shaft, stroking with a slight twist of my wrist, as I sucked him off.

"I'm...gonna…" James gasped as his muscled body tensed. "Fuuuuck. Ah. Don't stop."

Goddammit I was so hard. As his cries reached my ears, and he thrust his hips upward, driving his dick deeper into my mouth, I reached down and started pumping my cock. I was already so close.

When I moaned, it caused vibrations on James that completely sent him over the edge. Hot cum shot from his tip and down my throat as his body shuddered his release, and I jerked myself faster.

James lifted my head off him and watched as I touched myself.

"Shit." I panted, staring into his eyes.

And then I came apart. I rested my face on the top of his thigh as I shot strings of cum onto the bedding. James smoothed his fingers through my hair as I rode my high. Afterward, I couldn't move.

James hadn't been the one to touch me, but he'd certainly been the one who'd gotten me off. It'd been the best orgasm I'd had in a long time.

I didn't know how much time had passed before I fell asleep. When I woke up, my eyes were still groggy from sleep and my mouth was dry.

"About time you woke up." James said. He locked his legs around my waist and flipped me onto my back.

I gave him a lopsided grin as he straddled my hips. He was hard again, and surprisingly, so was I.

God, it reminded me of our teen years. We'd have sex, sleep for an hour or so, and then wake up and go at it again. Our record had been five times in one day before, with us switching between top and bottom.

"None of this means we're back together." James said, hooking his hand on my side before leaning down and nuzzling my neck.

The action pulled at my heartstrings. It was something he'd done a lot in the past when he needed comfort.

It was then that I knew that the aggressive side from earlier had been an act. James _wanted_ me, but he was trying to stay emotionally detached from me while at the same time giving in to what we both craved.

After a minute or so, he lifted up and began grinding himself on my lap. Not penetrating himself, but gliding our dicks together.

I bit back a moan.

"What if I want us to be together?" I asked, breathing heavier as he amped up my arousal.

"Too bad." He answered. He took both of us in his hand and started stroking simultaneously. "Mmm. We can do this, though."

Even though my body screamed for a release, I didn't feel right doing this while he was in a weird mindset. His mouth might say one thing but his eyes said another.

"James, we need to talk more about this. You're-"

"Shut up, Ken." He interjected, releasing his hold on us and slapping his hands on my bare chest. "I'm tired of talking. Now fuck me."

I clenched my jaw. "No."

"That's all you want, right?" He asked as tears started to brim his eyes. "To fuck me and then go back to your perfect life once you're done here."

Sitting up, I put my arms around him and looked up into his angry face. I hated that he thought I'd do that, but it also hurt because in a way… he was right. I wasn't staying in Willow.

Hadn't I just been thinking that exact same thing earlier today?

At my lack of response, James gasped.

"Wow." He said, shoving me back on the mattress before standing up. He snatched his pants from the floor and put them on. "You're a real piece of work, Kendall Donald Knight."

 _Ouch, full name treatment. He's_ really _pissed._

"You didn't let me answer." I said, rolling off the bed and approaching him.

He held his hand up to stop me. "I don't need to hear your answer. Your expression said enough. Get your clothes and get the hell out."

"I'm not leaving."

I didn't want to go back to that empty house and face the silence. I didn't want to think about how my life was falling apart and how it seemed no one cared about the real me. Everyone cared about Kendall the hockey player, but not Kendall, the goofy guy beneath the star who really just wanted to love and be loved in return. But with James, it was different.

James' brow rose. "Oh yeah? But leaving is your specialty."

"Okay, I deserved that." I said, reaching to grab him. He slapped my hand away and walked out of the room. "James, stop acting like a moody teenager and talk to me."

I was still naked, and for some reason, I felt self-conscious about it. Quickly, I slid on my boxers and pants before chasing after him. Not having been in his house before, it took me a minute to find my way around. He wasn't in the kitchen or the living room, so I tried the bathroom. Still nothing.

That's when I saw a door to the left cracked open and light shining out into the dark hall.

I walked in without knocking and saw him sitting at a desk reading over a paper. And yeah, it was probably the worst time to think about it, but he looked hot as fuck. He was shirtless and his messy brown hair hung over the rim of his glasses.

"Are you seriously working right now?"

James sighed, but otherwise ignored me. He wrote something on the page with a red pen before scanning over the next few lines.

I couldn't help but smile.

He used to do that to me every time we were having an argument. We'd bicker and then he would grab a book or homework and try to tune me out. The longer he ignored me, the more annoying I became. Poking him, tickling his sides, just anything to break through his aloof demeanor.

I had a feeling that wouldn't work on him now. He was incredibly pissed at me, and rightfully so.

"Hey, Mr. Diamond?" I asked in a innocent voice. He actually looked up at me with surprise, which almost made me laugh and break character. "About this C minus you gave me on my paper." I approached his desk and sat on the edge of it, inches from his hand. "I was hoping we could talk and work something out."

I ran my hand down his bicep.

"What the hell are you doing, Kendall?"

"If I don't make at least a B, my GPA will drop and I'll be kicked off the hockey team." I continued, still with my hand on his arm. I turned more toward him and kicked up a foot on the other side of his chair, barricading him between my legs.

"Okay. Stop." He said, grabbing my ankle and pushing it off the arm of the chair. "This isn't some game and I'm not amused."

"Are we going camping, professor?" I asked. "Because you're pitching a tent."

James put his elbows on the desk and covered his face with his hands. At first, I couldn't get a read on him, but when I saw the slight shaking of his body I knew he was trying his best to suppress a laugh. And failing.

I grinned and pushed the papers aside before scooting over and sitting in front of him. He looked up as I brought his chair closer and settled him back between my legs.

"You make it so hard to stay mad at you." James admitted, shaking his head.

"I make it hard alright." I said, waggling my brows.

He smiled, but it quickly faded. His hazel eyes searched my face. "We can't do this, Kendall. Not again."

"Why?"

James pushed back in the chair, escaping my hold, and stood up. He went over to the window and peered outside into the dark. "Because losing you once nearly killed me. I can't go through losing you a second time."

I stayed sitting on the desk, staring at him. "Not even an hour ago, you were begging me to fuck you, and now you don't want anything to do with me. This back and forth shit is confusing the fuck out of me, Jay."

"I know, and I'm sorry."

Something occurred to me. "Why did you reach out to me when I got drafted?"

"Because you were my best friend and I was proud of you." He answered, not meeting my eyes. "Going pro is all you've ever wanted."

"When I tried to talk to you more after that and gave you my number, you never called, texted, or gave me yours in return. You never got personal with any of our messages. Just small things before you stopped responding again. It's like you cast a line out to me, but you refuse to reel it in."

"So you're a fish now?" He asked in a snarky tone. "Am I the fisherman?"

"Well, you've baited me enough." I shot back. "Drawing me in, just to throw me back into the water."

He turned to me, crossing his arms. "Are you going to stay here after you get Bill's will and everything settled?"

 _Shit._

"No." I said through a tight jaw. "And it's not really fair for you to be pissed at me for it. I have a life, you know."

James watched me. "You know what? You're right. How shitty of me to think anything would be different this time."

"No need to be a smartass." I said, sliding off the desk and nearing him. "If you wanna blame anyone for what happened with us, why don't you take a look in the damn mirror?" I didn't want to lose my temper, but I was tired of him placing all the blame on me. " _You're_ the one who told me to stay at USC all those years ago. _You_ dumped _me_. So stop this fucking bitchy attitude of yours and own up to the fact that this isn't _just_ my fault."

We stared each other down, neither of us breaking eye contact.

"You should've known better, Kendall." He said. "Out of all the times we talked about our future together, you should've _known_ I didn't mean it. But instead you believed it without hesitation."

"Are you fucking serious?" I asked. "You're pissed that I didn't see through the lie? I'm not a damn psychic, James! I can't read your damn mind."

"That just shows you didn't really know me then." He spouted back.

I was speechless. I looked into his eyes and didn't see the guy I'd fallen in love with. The James I loved _was_ still in there somewhere, but a newer, more spiteful James was at the forefront.

"I didn't know you?" I asked, fighting back tears. "I know that when you'd tried to play a joke on me, you'd smile and give yourself away. You had to sleep by the wall at night because it made you feel safe. Sometimes you'd have trouble sleeping because you got into these mindsets where you obsessed over death and what happens when we die, so we'd stay up all night talking about anything and everything just to get your mind off it."

A tear escaped and ran down my cheek.

"I know that when you were scared or needed to be comforted, you'd bury your face in my neck and hold my side. Just like you did earlier tonight."

James didn't say anything, he just turned and faced the window.

"I knew you better than I knew myself, James." My voice cracked on his name, and I hated the vulnerability I felt. "Which is why I believed you. You _never_ lied to me. Not once. Not about something so important."

I waited for what seemed like forever for him to say something, but he wouldn't even look at me.

Needing distance from him, I turned and left the room.

He didn't try to stop me. No calling after me or following me out into the hall like I'd followed him earlier. It told me a lot about how different we were now. Ever since I got back, I had been the one chasing him. Not the other way around.

 _Well, not anymore._

I went to his bedroom and got dressed before finding my shoes and putting them on. After finding my jacket, I went toward the front door. Before I walked out, I looked behind me and didn't see James anywhere. Not that I expected to see him there, but I guess a part of me had still hoped.

I didn't know if I was more mad or upset, but whichever it was, I needed to be alone to work it all out.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like Kames has hit another rough patch and have had ANOTHER fight.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I really loved hearing all of your thoughts on the previous chapter, as it was a pretty big one, so thank you all so much for sharing! The next will most likely be up on Sunday, and if you're reading Delicate, the next chapter of that will be up...I guess technically later today since it's midnight here, so until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

No good came from living in the past. If you were constantly obsessing over things that had already happened, there was no moving forward from them. There was no changing what happened. Just a constant battle of _what ifs_ and _should haves_ that served no other purpose other than to torture ourselves.

So why couldn't I just let go of the past when it came to Kendall?

We were being given a second chance in a way, and I just couldn't embrace it. Because I couldn't forgive him. Because I couldn't trust him not to hurt me again.

Days had passed since I'd last spoken to him. He'd been angry-and rightfully so-when he'd stormed out of my house Wednesday night. I didn't know why I'd behaved the way I did, and to say I was ashamed was an understatement. But I knew that my irrational behavior derived from many mixed emotions.

Anger and guilt at myself for not being honest with him seven years ago, anger at him for leaving in the first place and for also believing the lie so quickly. I had buried so many emotions over the years, and seeing him just brought all of those feelings to the surface and it was just...too much.

I was also angry at all the years we'd lost. Time that we would've spent together had things taken a different turn. If we'd both made different decisions.

Usually, he would've tried calling or texting me by now. It was Saturday and still no word from him...not that I'd reached out to him either, though.

"Want me to top off your coffee?" One of the waitresses at my parents' diner asked.

"Please." I said, offering her a smile, even though I felt the farthest thing from happy.

I had stopped working at the diner after I'd left for college, but I still went there each weekend like clockwork to have breakfast. In fact, my whole life had become routine. I taught English Monday through Friday. Every evening, I graded papers and worked on the next week's lesson plans. I hit the gym about four days a week. On the weekends, I came into the diner and then went home afterward. Sometimes I'd go grocery shopping.

There was no spontaneity or mixing up my routine. My life was predictable. Boring.

Strangely enough, I hadn't considered my life boring until Kendall came back into it and I saw a glimpse of what I was missing. Excitement. Love. That spark of something new that made me look forward to waking up every day.

But was experiencing that kind of excitement worth the pain that would follow? Because there _would_ be pain...of the heartbreak variety.

Kendall had made it clear he had no intentions on moving back here or staying, and I doubted a long distance relationship would ever work out between us. Not with all the people-men _and_ women-that were throwing themselves at him every chance they got.

And yeah, that was my other issue. Jealousy.

It was such an awful trait to have, but I couldn't control it. I hadn't known I even had it until a few weeks ago. Mainly because the only serious relationship I'd ever had had been with Kendall. I'd dated guys since him, but I hadn't cared enough about any of them to be bothered by infidelity or them getting bored and moving on.

When it'd just been me and Kendall back in the day, I hadn't had to worry about whether he'd cheat on me or find someone more on his level. We'd been on an equal playing field so to speak. We'd had a direction in life, and our futures had been connected.

I felt insecure compared to him now. He was a huge hockey star and a freaking model and I was a high school teacher from a small town in Arkansas. In no universe would that ever work.

The sooner Kendall left Willow, the better in my opinion. Then we could both get back to our uncomplicated lives.

After I finished my food, I took my plate to the back of the restaurant and placed it in the sink. Mom was in the office, and I tapped on the door before walking in. I talked with her for a bit before Dad came in.

"Can you help out back?" He asked. His cheeks were pink from the cold and he was out of breath. "Beau didn't show up today to help unload supplies and I can't-"

"Dad, you don't need to do that kind of work." I said, standing up. What I didn't say was that he didn't need to over exert himself because he wasn't in the best of health. He'd thrown out his back last year. "Sit down with mom and I'll go finish up."

Once outside, I finished unloading the truck before carrying the boxes into the storage room. One of the cooks helped me sort out everything, and with both of us doing it, it didn't take too long. It was busy work that kept my mind from wandering to topics it shouldn't be wandering to.

However, when I finally got home, all I could think about was Kendall.

And since he'd been in my house, I couldn't look at the kitchen table without remembering him sitting in the chair as he ate the meal I'd cooked for him. I couldn't look at my bed without remembering him beneath me, staring up at me as I straddled his hips. I couldn't even go into my home office without recalling how he'd try to seduce me on the desk with that crazy roleplay thing.

I needed a night out. Something to break up my routine and just let loose for once. Maybe it'd help me get him out of my damn head.

XxX

Later that night, I was at a bar in a bigger city about thirty minutes away and telling myself that I'd made a good decision...even though I felt the exact opposite. I was in my mid-twenties, but I felt like I was ancient compared to the crowd getting shitfaced around me.

Since when did I become an old man who couldn't party. I'd done more partying in college than I cared to admit, yet I felt so out of place.

 _Kendall would fit in here_ , I told myself as I saw three frat-type guys doing shots a few feet down the bar from me. _Ugh. Stop. The point of this night is to forget about him._

"What are you having?" The bartender asked. She was young, probably around the same age as me, and had long black hair with red streaks. She had kind of a rocker vibe going on, but I had to admit, she was pretty.

"Do you have Angry Orchard?"

She chuckled before grabbing a bottle and popping the cap. "Didn't take you for the hard cider type."

"Yeah, I'm just full of surprises." I said with indifference, handing her my card to pay.

"Ah, I know that look." She said after swiping my card and returning it to me. She placed the Angry Orchard in front of me before leaning against the counter. "Girlfriend troubles."

"Hate to be the one to break it to you, but you're wrong again." I pointed out with maybe just a bit too much bitch in my tone.

Surprisingly, she grinned. "So some dude has you sitting at my bar and being a bitter old Betty, huh?"

"You can say that." I said, finally letting the facade slip and smiling a little. I scanned the room, seeing a large group of college-aged guys at a table in the center, drinking and being unreasonably obnoxious. A couple were dry humping each other in one dark corner of the room, and they were really going at it too. I rolled my eyes before turning back to her. "Does it ever get old playing shrink to all these drunkards?"

"Drunkards?" She asked, cocking a brow. "What, are you some old hick from the fifteen hundreds? No one says that. But since you brought it up, you're kind of included in that category."

"I beg to differ." I stated before taking a drink. The beer was both tart and sweet, and it'd been a while since I'd had one. I made a face at it before going in for another drink. "To be a drunkard, I'd actually have to be drunk."

"Well, you keep sipping on your little cider and you'll get there eventually."

"Are you mocking me?" I asked, setting the bottle down and arching a brow at her. "Isn't the customer always right?"

"Not when said customer is acting like an ass. No."

"Touche." I said with a curt not of me head. "I'm not always an asshole by the way. He just makes me so crazy."

The bartender walked a few feet away to grab the discarded shot glasses from earlier and placed them below the bar before coming back to me. "And what did this guy do to get you to leave the comfort of your home-which I assume is full of books and probably fancy art and shit, Mr. Scholar-and come out drinking when you obviously don't drink much?"

She was was more perceptive than I'd given her credit for.

"Honestly?" I wrapped my hand around the bottle and fidgeted with it. "He didn't do anything. All he's tried to do is get close to me and make up for lost time. It's _me_ who's the asshole in this equation. He makes me crazy because I'm in love with him, but I know it won't ever work."

"How do you know?" She asked before looking toward the end of the bar where that group of guys from earlier were now shoving each other around. "Godammit, hang on. Break it up, guys!"

She stood on her tiptoes and motioned to the bouncer, who was quick to act.

Since it was a small bar, there was only one bouncer, but his size alone was a good way to ward off threats. The man was a beast. He easily broke up the fight, and tossed one guy aside, who was still trying to get to the other guy.

Both drunken men were screaming obscenities at each other, and by the sound of it, one guy had apparently fucked the other's girlfriend or something. The group of them were kicked out, and I decided right then that I'd had enough of my _night out_ and just wanted to go back home.

"Hey, Shakespeare." The bartender called to me just as I slid off the stool. "Not sure what the deal is with your man, but nothing is impossible. Before I opened this bar, I was told all the time-mostly by men-that a chick like me wouldn't be able to run this kind of place. I proved them wrong. So don't say it won't ever work. If it's meant to be, it'll find a way. Fate is funny like that."

"Thanks." I said before walking out, leaving my barely touched beer behind.

 _Fate_. The word nudged something inside me.

Kendall and I used to talk a lot about fate. Just like we'd often discussed classic literature, the symbolic meanings of certain plays and poems, hockey, and happily ever after endings. In the late nights when I couldn't sleep, we'd talked about the meaning of life, soulmates, and all of that weird shit that most people never usually say out loud.

No topic was off-limits for us, though.

He'd said it had been fate that it was _my_ blue crayon he'd tried to grab when we were in kindergarten. It was the time we'd met as well as the incident that had caused our first ever fight that then led to us being inseparable. I had said it'd been his only-child-syndrome that'd caused it, basically calling him spoiled.

And that circled back around to him calling it fate.

Once I was home, I changed into a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and sat on the couch with a book. It was kind of late, but I wasn't tired. When nights like these struck, I'd read for hours and try to mentally exhaust myself so I could sleep.

I didn't suffer from full-blown insomnia, but there were times where it affected me worse than others. Sometimes it was hard to shut off my brain because I tended to obsess about things. Death being the main one. Which was the worst to die, how will the world end, and will I still be alive when it does? Even things that'd already happened and there was no changing them would haunt me, but for some infuriating reason, I still played the scenario out in my head over and over, trying to come up with different ways it could've ended.

" _Sometimes you'd have trouble sleeping because you got into these mindsets where you obsessed over death and what happens when we die, so we'd stay up all night talking about anything and everything just to get your mind off it."_

Guilt gnawed at my gut upon remembering Kendall's words from a few nights ago. He _did_ know the real me, and I was mad at myself for telling him otherwise. I'd just tried to place the blame on him because I'd hoped it would help keep my distance and help me cope with everything.

But it only made me feel worse.

My phone sat on the coffee table in front of me, and I stared at it instead of at my book. Not even The Iliad, one of my all-time favorite stories, could distract my mind enough that night.

For all the heartache I'd been through with Kendall, there'd been more laughs and good times than anything else. Before we'd been lovers, we'd been best friends, and I missed him more than words could convey.

The years apart did nothing to ease that ache.

"Stop being a chickenshit and call him." I said to myself, aware of how nuts I sounded but whatever. Giving yourself pep talks was healthy.

But right as I grabbed the phone, my courage faded and I set it back down.

I _would_ contact him.

 _Just not tonight._

* * *

I was disappointed in James. I thought that if I stepped back, he would take charge. That he'd try to reach out to me. His lack of doing so proved to me that he didn't care about me anymore, or at least proved he didn't care enough.

I'd been naive to think he'd still want me in that way after seven years apart.

He _had_ wanted me for a bit, though. I could still feel his lips trailing down my neck, feel his hands roaming my body, and feel the weight of his body on mine. His taste was seared into my memory, as were his soft sighs and breathy moans.

We hadn't lost any spark in the bedroom. That was for sure. But when it came to us trying to figure out where we were headed for our future, everything had derailed.

It was ironic and even a bit comical that _he_ was the English scholar who lived and breathed classic literature that practically screamed romance and true love, and yet _I_ was the die-hard romantic out of the two of us.

He was the skeptic who questioned everything. Questioned life and love. And me.

Just because I was going back to Kansas City didn't mean I had to stop seeing him. It would probably be hard and take a lot of work, but I thought that it would be worth it in the end. But apparently, he didn't see it that way. He believed I was nothing but a damn man-whore who couldn't keep it in my pants, as if my fame had made me throw away all of my morals.

I'm sure he'd be surprised if he knew all the offers I'd turned down over the years. Way more than I ever gave in to.

"Have a great day, Mr. Knight." The teller at the bank said after handing me back my license.

That Monday had been busy. I'd had to go down to the bank and talk to them about the house, and then from there I'd had to get the deed transferred in my name. It was a bunch of crap I didn't feel like doing, because it was just further proof that I was alone in the world. Maybe a bit dramatic, but still true.

Since James was being a stubborn ass, there was no point in me sticking around town longer than necessary. So painful or not, I just wanted to get everything over with so I could leave.

As I got back into my car-which was technically the car I'd bought for Gramps a couple years ago-my phone rang, and as stupid as it was, my heart jumped at the possibility of it being a certain brown haired, glasses wearing, infuriating asshole who I still fucking loved regardless of everything.

Nope. Not him.

"Hey, V." I answered.

"Hey. I just got home from a shoot in Milan." Veronica said. Her accent was stronger, which told me she was worried or worked up about something. Her words tended to muddle together when she talked fast. "I saw the news of you grieving a loss. Your grandpa?"

I should've been surprised that the damn reporters had somehow figured out my private business, but after nearly four years of them prying into my personal life, nothing they did shocked me anymore.

It was a miracle that nothing had been leaked out about my sexuality as of yet. Jett and I had been good at keeping our relationship private, but still. Reporters and paparazzi were like leeches who would feed off anyone or anything to get a good story.

"Yeah." I answered, having to clear my voice afterward. "I'm back in my hometown getting it all taken care of before I head back."

"I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

I smiled at her offer. "Nah, I'm okay. Thanks, though."

The media portrayed Veronica as a sexy vixen who was using me to further her own career, but that was the farthest thing from the truth. She genuinely cared about me, and I felt the same for her. We'd never slept together, no matter what the countless rumors said. I'd never come out and told her that I was gay, but she'd figured it out over time.

"Well if you _do_ need me, you call. Okay?"

"Okay." I said, putting my seatbelt on and starting the car. "How was Milan?"

As she talked about the shoot and all of the sightseeing she did in Italy, I listened and drove through town.

I wasn't sure how much longer I'd be in Willow, but I needed more groceries. Ramen noodles wouldn't cut it anymore. The first thing I planned to do when I returned to Kansas was get back to the gym.

"I met someone." Veronica continued. "And before you judge me for it, just know it's over now. But it was some of the best days I'd had in a long while. I am far from a romantic, but he made me feel something I never had before."

"I'm not judging you, V. Love is tricky. When he heart finds what it wants, it's only a matter of time before it wins."

"Has your heart found what it wants?" She asked in a knowing tone.

"Yeah." I answered, tapping the top of the steering wheel with my free hand. "But like yours, it's over."

"Why?"

"Because his heart doesn't feel the same." I said, not having the energy anymore to keep pretending. "What about you?"

"Turns out he was married."

"Holy fuck. We both need to get drunk together the next time we're in the same city. Our luck is awful."

She laughed and I heard a faint popping in the background. "I am one step ahead of you. Just opened wine and I plan to drink as much as I can before bed."

"Right." I said after checking the time. "It's midnight there, huh?"

"Yeah, a little after." Veronica answered. "So, tell about this man who refuses you. Is he crazy or just stupid?"

"Neither." I said with a laugh. "He's just stubborn. And hurt." After the light turned green, I drove a ways up the street before turning into the grocery store parking lot. "Are you really not fazed that I'm gay?"

"Oh, Kendall." She replied, and I could just imagine her shaking her head. ""I've suspected you were ever since we spent the night together in Paris. You were drunk and you wanted to cuddle with me, but you never tried to feel me up. Not to sound vain, but no single straight guy would've passed up that opportunity, especially not drunk. And since you never mentioned having a girlfriend…" She trailed off. "I'm just sad that you felt like you couldn't tell me sooner."

"It's scary." I said, finding an empty spot and parking. "I hate hiding who I am, but I don't know if I'm ready to make it public. When I do, it'll be on my terms."

"The world is a much more accepting place now, love." She pointed out.

"Not in sports." I countered.

"Stupid men and their balls." Veronica said. "They slap each other on the ass all the time. I do not see the problem."

I snorted.

"I gotta go, V. Let's find a time to meet up soon, okay?"

"Alright." She said. "Take care of yourself."

I got out of the car and began walking into the store. The end of the day in January was warmer than average, and I was thankful for it. I had on a light jacket, so it still wasn't as warm as I wanted it to be, but it was appreciated nonetheless.

One of the first things I saw when entering the store was my face on the front cover of a magazine. It was some tabloid about me having a secret lover or something.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed a shopping cart.

Seeing my face on TV, in magazines, and sometimes billboards was still kind of weird, but the glamor of it had mostly washed away. I'd never wanted to be famous, I'd just wanted to play hockey. I liked the attention and being in the spotlight when it pertained to my abilities on the ice, but the prying into my private life thing got old.

I went down the aisles and grabbed anything I thought I'd like to eat, trying to keep the ingredients kind of simple since I couldn't really cook that well. My cooking skills included grilled chicken and steamed vegetables. That was about it.

I was nearly done with my shopping before someone recognized me.

"Hey, you're that hockey player, aren't ya?" An older man asked, pointing at me. "The one all over the TV."

"Yes, sir." I said. He looked sort of familiar, but I'd met so many people over the years that it was a little hard to place them all. "I grew up here."

"Yeah, I know who you are now." He said, narrowing his eyes a bit. "You and that Diamond boy used to break into my backyard and steal apples from my tree. That one time when I caught ya, y'all threw 'em at my back window."

I smirked.

Fuck, me and James used to be hellions.

We used to be every adult's worst nightmare, especially if we'd been hyped up on sugar. We'd been a packaged deal. Wherever he went, so did I, and vice versa. Most of the hooligan type behavior had been my idea, basically making me a bad influence on the quiet and shy kid James used to be. His parents had loved me, though, and his dad had often thanked me for being a great friend to his son.

But _I_ had been the grateful one. James had made me a better person.

"I apologize for that, Mr. Henderson." I replied as I attempted for force the smile from my face, knowing exactly who he was now.

"You were lucky I was such good friends with your grandpa." He said. "Otherwise I woulda called the law on ya." His face fell, causing the wrinkles around his eyes to become more pronounced. "It's such a shame about what happened to old Bill. He was a good man."

"Yes, he was." I responded as my throat got a bit tight. "Well, uh, it was nice seeing you, Mr. Henderson."

Continuing to the checkout, my mood had drastically changed. I was no longer irritated by pesky journalists and ridiculous media. My mind was going down memory lane, remembering shopping at this same store as a teenager and even as a young kid. It had changed a little, but not by much.

After paying for the groceries, I loaded them in the car before driving back home. As I drove past a narrow dirt road, my vision blurred, and I had to wipe my eyes on my jacket sleeve.

James and I had gone exploring down that road too many times to remember. As kids, we'd walked that path, threw rocks at those trees, and challenged the other in racing games. We'd imagined our own little world and pretended we were Frodo and Sam on our way to destroy the one ring of power. We'd pretended to be pirates searching for lost treasure, and usually that treasure was a weird shaped rock or a dirty nickel someone had dropped out there.

As we'd gotten older, it'd been the road we'd driven own, pulled off to the side, and explored each other's bodies. Where we'd said our first _I love you_.

Where we promised to spend forever together.

I'd give anything to go back in time and do it all over. To refuse the USC offer and take the University of Arkansas one instead. I was certain I would've still made it to the pros no matter what college I'd attended. Attending USC had only made it a little less difficult.

 _If I could go back...I'd choose him._

XxX

Thursday afternoon, I'd just come back in from a quick run when I'd decided it was finally time to go through Grandpa's things. I'd put it off for too long. Over the last few days, I had decided to stay in Willow just a bit longer to fix up some areas of the house that needed repair, and then I intended on listing it for sale.

The decision hadn't been an easy one to make, but if coming back here taught me anything it was that staying in the past was dangerous. I wouldn't be living in Grandpa's house, and no matter how many good memories I had here, none of them would bring him back.

It was time I let it go. Let go of the house, my regrets, and of James.

I'd just gone into the kitchen to pour a glass of water when there was a knock at the door. The house wasn't visible from the main road, so not many uninvited people ever showed up. With the exception of a few Jehovah's witnesses that didn't seem to have any kind of limit to the lengths they'd go to spread the word.

I was already practicing my 'hail Satan' speech as I got to the door and opened it. But when I saw who was on the other side, I froze.

"Hey." James said, putting his hands in his hoodie pocket and looking awkward as ever. "Can I come in?"

* * *

 **Done! So yeah, this chapter was mostly Kendall and James reflecting and coming to terms with everything seperately, and it looks like another talk is coming. But which way is this one going to go? We also had an appearance from a certain someone who I'm pretty sure you all know based on the description. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will be up soon and will pretty much pick up right where this one left off.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get into it, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Side1ways, Guest, and annabellex2 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

The turning point for me had been the moment I'd started irritating myself with my ceaseless overthinking and insecurity. I wasn't proud of my jealous tendencies and horribly low self-confidence, but it wasn't something I could really control.

One too many sleepless nights were starting to catch up to me, all because of my obsessing. It was affecting my everyday life, both in and out of the classroom. Luckily, the kids were still working on their research papers, so I hadn't done any damage there, but if I didn't take care of it soon, I'd be a complete wreck.

When over a week had passed and I still hadn't heard from Kendall, I knew it was my turn to make a move. Even if he was still pissed off and told me to leave, at least I had _tried_ to do something. To chase him for once.

That night at the bar had aided in my thinking as well. The bartender had told me nothing was impossible and she'd thrown around the word _fate_. Crazy that a complete stranger could help me see things a little clearer, but it'd been the final push I'd needed to act.

"Hey." I said once he answered. Part of me expected him to slam the door in my face. "Can I come in?"

Kendall's green eyes watched me with leeriness.

I couldn't blame him. My mood had been a bit all over the place ever since he'd gotten into town. Kind of like the boy who cried wolf. Now that I'd gone there to try to fix the shithole I'd created, he believed it was some trick.

"Sure." He opened the door wider. "Um, can I get you a drink or something?"

"No, thanks." I said, offering him a tight smile. After walking into the house, I stood in the entryway with my hands in the front pocket of my hoodie. I wondered if I looked as awkward as I felt.

I turned to him and tried to ignore how great he looked. Not wearing a shirt, it was clear that hockey and his workouts had done wonders for his body. I tried to avert my eyes from those sexy as hell V lines that disappeared below the material of his sweatpants.

His expression remained guarded.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Fine." He crossed his arms, and I forced myself to hold eye contact and not look at his body. "You?"

A lie was on the tip of my tongue. I mean, it was sort of normal to say _good_ or _I've been great_ when someone asked me that question. However, I couldn't lie to Kendall, and only complete honesty would get us past this damn hurdle.

"Not so good." I answered before glancing down at the wood floor. "I've been doing a lot of thinking. Too much, actually."

"You? Overthinking?" Kendall interjected with mock surprise.

I looked up to see him smirking.

"Yeah, I know I'm awful about doing it." I exhaled and stepped toward him. He didn't react. He just stared at me, squaring his jaw in that annoyingly sexy way of his. "I owe you a huge apology, Kendall. The way I've treated you lately is appalling and you don't deserve it. What happened with us wasn't just your fault. We both played a role in breaking what we had." I searched his face and tried to get a read on his thoughts, but his guard was still up. "I'm sorry for holding a grudge against you."

Finally, his guard slipped, and for the briefest of moments I saw the pain in his green eyes. No, maybe not pain. Longing?

"I ran into Mr. Henderson at the grocery store the other day." He said, and his sudden change of topic confused me. "Remember how we used to sneak into his yard and steal apples?" Kendall grinned, but the action didn't reach his eyes. "I used to get you into so much trouble when we were kids, but you followed me anyway."

"You were my best friend. Of course I did." I ached to touch him, but I refrained from doing so. Instead, I stood in place, fighting the urge that I used to give into without a second thought.

We were nowhere near that point of comfortability.

Somewhere along the way, we'd gone from best friends and lovers to barely even acquaintances. I'd heard of other childhood friends being that way-being so close and then losing touch after high school-but it was hard to wrap my head around the fact that it'd actually happened to us.

Even harder to accept that I'd been the one to help push us to that point.

"I'm selling the house." Kendall said.

"What? Why?"

"Some things need to be let go." He answered, not meeting my eyes. "There are some areas that need to be fixed up before listing it, like a few loose floorboards and some rot damage in the back, so I'm staying here a little longer to get it done."

"And then you'll leave?" I asked, hating the way my heart clenched at the thought.

"Yeah."

More silence followed.

"Why are you here, James?" Kendall's right hand formed a fist at his side, something he did when he was nervous or agitated. "Just to apologize and ease your guilt?"

"That's part of it." I admitted. One of the many downfalls of being an over thinker was that we also carried guilt to the extreme, no matter if the mistake was big or small.

Kendall turned his back to me and walked into the other room.

The old, more timid James would've taken that as a sign to leave, but the more determined and truly apologetic one took it as a sign to try harder. I followed him into the living room.

He stood at the window, gazing out in the back field.

"What's the other part?" He asked, looking at me.

"I miss you." I managed to say around the lump in my throat. "I miss _us_. What we used to be."

"We can't ever be what we used to be." Kendall said as the same pain I felt in my chest flashed in his eyes. "Believe me. I've been wishing for a do-over of that fucking day by the lake when I left you. But no amount of regret and beating myself up about it will change a damn thing, James. So, I suggest you do what I did and just let it go."

That's when realization struck.

Kendall was right. Letting go of the past was the best thing to do. If we continued this dance of should havesand regret, we'd never move forward.

"Okay." I sat on the couch, scratching at the edge of my jaw where the slight stubble was longer than I liked.

"Just okay?" Kendall asked, flipping around to face me. "You're not usually one for so little words."

"What do you want me to say, Ken?" I peered up at him, shaking my head. "To apologize for ruining the future we'd planned? To blame _you_ for ruining it? To talk about how that one phone call seven years ago is the fucking biggest regret of my life and that I'd do _anything_ to take it back?" Tears streamed down my face. "Goddammit, Kendall, I'm at a loss here. I have this tendency to _fix_ everything, and I can't fix this."

He was beside me then on the couch, pulling me against his bare chest and pressing his face into my hair. The warmth of him only made the tears fall faster. Everything about being in his arms felt so _right_.

When he kissed me, I felt him trembling too. He brushed his fingers through my hair before resting his hand at my nape, gently cupping the back of my neck. His lips moved against mine, unhurried and soft.

We didn't say anything. Our actions said enough for us, speaking a thousand words in each pressing of his lips on mine and each of my content exhales.

It was different than the last time when he'd been at my house, when I'd done the whole angry sex thing. There'd been so much pent-up rage inside me at the time, and it'd seemed like the best way to release it all had been to bang him against the wall and devour his mouth. To fuck him with no feelings attached. I'd soon figured out that hadn't been the answer.

There was no anger present now.

I kissed him deeply as the hope for forgiveness blossomed in my chest. Forgiveness for him and for myself. We'd punished each other enough. I didn't know what the future held for us, but for the moment, I wanted to just be with him.

To get lost in him like I used to.

He kissed my jaw before moving down my neck, flicking his tongue at the skin at the base of my throat. My spot. He lay be back on the cushion.

I sighed and held him tighter, feeling the muscles on his back flew beneath my palms.

From experience, I knew he preferred rougher sex. Harder kisses, bites on his neck, and nails clawing his back. And yet, he kissed me like we had all the time in the world.

His body had definitely changed since we'd been eighteen. Back then, he'd been in good shape, but it was nothing compared to the shape he was in now. Every inch of him was perfection, and knowing the sweet guy beneath it all just made it even better.

I'd stayed in shape over the years, hitting the gym at least four days a week in an attempt to make me feel better about myself. I was in better shape than I'd been as a teenager, but I still felt insecure being with Kendall like this.

"Get out of your head, Jay." He whispered, staring down at me. He kissed my right cheek before doing the same to the left. The action was simple, but gentle. "Stay in this moment with me."

I focused on him, and the way his eyes stared into mine caused something in my chest to break.

"Make love to me, Ken." I said as I tangled my hands in his hair. "I'm tired of fighting. I just want to escape for a while."

The planes of his face softened, making him appear younger. The dam in my chest cracked wider, and I knew once it fully broke, there'd be no going back. There'd be no keeping him at a distance anymore.

He rested his forehead against mine, gripping the side of my neck with one hand and pushing his other hand under my back.

When he didn't move for a handful of seconds, I got worried. That's when I felt something warm and wet land on the edge of my brow.

"Ken?"

He answered me with a kiss, one that set me on fire. Gone were the slow and tender moments from before. We kissed like each other's lips were our lifeline, passionate and even desperate. Teeth clanked together, but neither of us minded. Only when I needed air did we break apart.

My head spun as I watched him above me.

He bit his bottom lip as he slid his hand under my shirt and pulled it up and over my head before going for my pants. Unlike him, I was wearing jeans, so it took more effort to get them off. But off they came until I was completely naked.

I grinned up at him as he stood on his knees and shrugged down his sweatpants.

"Why are you so hot?" I asked before I could stop myself.

And then Kendall, the massive goofball, flexed his arms and said in the douchey-ist voice possible, "I work out."

I laughed so hard I snorted.

The humor faded once the sight of his already hard cock came into view and our bare skin touched. My ass clenched a bit at the thought of him inside me, acting as a reminder of how long it'd been since I've been with anyone.

"You okay?" He asked, not missing a thing.

"Yeah." I said, playing it cool. But then I thought it best to be honest. "Uh, it's just been a while since I've done this."

"Really?"

For some reason that one word screamed judgement, and I got a bit defensive. "Yeah, we all can't get laid as easy as you, Kendall."

"Don't start that again." He warned, hovering above me, but not quite laying on top of me. "Your jealousy over shit that hasn't even happened needs to stop, James. Do I need to give you a detailed sheet of every man I've fucked since you just so we can move past this?"

The thought made my skin prickle. "No, thanks."

"And what about you?" He asked, sitting back on his knees. "I'm sure you haven't been a saint either."

I hated when he was right. It might've been a while since I've had sex, but I'd been wild in college. How could I judge him for doing exactly what I'd done?

Double standards sucked, and I guess I needed that reminder to get my head back on straight.

"I'm far from a saint." I responded, touching his side with the tips of my fingers. "I'm sorry. No more of that. Can we just get back to where we were before I opened my big mouth?"

Kendall leaned back down. "It's okay. I love your big mouth."

I licked my lips at the thought of tasting him again. His green eyes zeroed in on my tongue, and his dick pressed against my thigh. His mind was in the same place as mine.

"Come on." He said before getting off the couch and holding his hand out to me.

"Where are we going?" I placed my hand in his, and he pulled me off the cushion.

"To my room." He gave me a lopsided grin and led me from the living room and toward the stairs. "Just like old times, right?"

"Except we're butt ass naked now as we go through the house." I pointed out, covering my package with my free hand.

"It's not the first time. Or did you really forget the time we got wasted and skinny dipped that night, lost our clothes, and had to sneak back into the house?" Kendall chuckled.

As the memory flared to life, so did my embarrassment. "I think I tried to wipe that from my mind. What the hell were we thinking?"

I didn't receive an answer because we'd entered his old bedroom, and with the familiarity, I could almost pretend we really were back in time. I looked at the same light blue walls and white trim around the window. The same set of drawers that we'd both used the times I'd slept over, sometimes for a week at a time. The scuff of paint on the wall by his bed from when we'd been wrestling and he'd flung me against it.

So many times we'd gone to that room and got tangled up in each other.

He led me over to the bed without a word, and I lay down on the mattress, not taking my eyes off him. A smile curled the edges of his perfect lips, but if I wasn't mistaken, there was a nervousness in his eyes, as if this was our first time.

In a way, it was, I guess.

The fooling around at my house hadn't warranted the same emotion, because there hadn't really _been_ any emotion. Well, any emotion other than anger. We both seemed to feel the power of it this time, though. The intensity of our connection that I'd once believed to be lost had only been hiding under years of pent-up anger. But now that the frustration was released, the affection could finally shining through.

Kendall got on top of me and softly kissed down my chest. His tongue found my nipple, and he teasingly suckled it.

I groaned as sparks shot straight to my aching dick. As if by muscle memory, I reached behind me and grabbed onto the bars on his headboard.

He continued his journey down his chest and stomach. That sly smirk lit his face as he caught me watching him. When he started sucking me off, I couldn't contain the sharp grunt.

Shit, it just felt so good.

 _He_ felt so good.

His mouth moved from the tip of my cock, down my shaft, and to my balls. My breaths quickened as my arousal heightened. And when his tongue moved even lower, to the area between my balls and ass, I whimpered.

It was the perfect balance of teasing and pleasure.

"Still an ass man I take it?" I asked.

"Babe, I'm _always_ an ass man." He answered, sliding his arms under my thighs and lifting my lower half off the mattress.

He slowly kissed my opening, causing my hold on the headboard to increase and make it squeak. His tongue lapped at my hole as his hands massaged my ass. Eventually, he added a finger to the mix, thrusting it into me with annoying slowness. Annoying, but amazing.

"Kendall." I said with a whine in my voice, when I couldn't take it anymore.

I was prepped, stretched, and ready to be filled by him. To have our bodies joined as one.

"What do you need, baby?" He asked in that sexy voice of his. He lowered my hips and laid his body over mine.

"You."

The fantasy of the moment faded a little when he grabbed a condom and tore it open. Not that I was against condoms. I fully believed in safe sex and had always used one with past guys.

But it was the fact that he and I had never used them. When we first started having sex in high school, we'd been each other's firsts and had full trust in each other. Condoms hadn't been needed.

Having to use one now really showed how far we'd drifted. With all my past bed partners and his, there was no question of whether we needed one. I'd gotten tested and hadn't been with anyone since then, but what about him?

 _Stop dwelling on it. Stay in this moment with him._

Kendall slid on the rubber and coated it with lube before dribbling some of it on my ass and smoothing it around. Nerves etched his face, and I lifted my hand to cup his cheek. At the contact, his eyes flashed to mine and his features instantly softened.

"I feel like I'm losing my virginity all over again." He admitted, and the way he looked at me caused the butterflies in my stomach to come alive.

"Well, just as long as it's not _exactly_ like our first time, we should be good." I said with a smile, remembering how quick he had come. We'd then swapped places, and I'd done him next, not lasting much longer than he had.

He laughed, and the sound went straight to my heart.

When he pushed into me, his lips parted as a soft whimper escaped them. His sounds during sex had always been incredible, but something about them now just enhanced it.

I held his side as I gripped his upper back with my other hand. The sting made me clench my jaw and the corner of my eyes watered. He waited a moment, resting his head on mine, as my body tried to get used to him.

"You okay?"

I smiled and pressed my face against his cheek. I nodded, knowing the twinge of pain would reflect too much in my voice if I'd tried to take. Because I _was_ okay, and I didn't want him worrying.

When he started moving inside me, I held him closer as the pain started transforming into pleasure.

"Mmm." I looked between our bodies, seeing his muscles ripple with each of his movements. The discomfort from earlier was fading even more, and my body welcomed more of him. Needing more of him.

Kendall kissed my brow as he thrust deeper, but not faster.

When I caught sight of his eyes, I noticed the red, watery edges. And there went the rest of the dam that'd held me back. He was an emotional guy, but not one who actually liked to show said emotion. So when he did, it meant a lot.

I wrapped my arms more around him and buried my face in the crease of his neck, feeling my own emotions start to rise. The pleasure was strengthened by them, because it was more than just sex. It was making love to Kendall, the only guy to have ever captured my heart and still had control of it.

No amount of time or space had changed that. Other emotions like resentment and anger might've masked that love, but having him so close to me, our hearts beating as one, all the bad just fell away into the abyss of the past.

"Fuuuuck, James." He moaned, gently kicking my legs further apart and lifting my hips a few inches. He thrust into me, and the new angle hit my spot so fucking perfect that I whimpered, turning to putty in his arms. He smiled down at me, slashing those adorable dimples. "Right there?"

"Uh-huh." I answered, grabbing onto his hips and pulling him harder against me.

My orgasm slammed into me like a train, and I gave a drawn out moan as cum shot from my tip. I hadn't even had to jerk myself off, which had only ever happened with Kendall.

He smoothed his thumb along my bottom lip as his pace quickened. "You're so hot when you come."

By the way his body was starting to tense, I knew he was moments away from doing the same.

I sucked his finger into my mouth and his eyes widened a fraction. And then he was coming too. His thrusts lost rhythm as his body shuddered. Soft moans left his throat, and I gripped his shoulders, digging my nails into his skin.

Afterward, he pulled out, but he didn't move. He lifted his head and stared down at me, gliding his finger along my cheekbone and down to my mouth. His brow was wrinkled and a strange look was in his eyes.

"What are you thinking?" I asked before kissing the pad of his finger.

"This is the first time I've felt whole in seven years." He answered, and his voice rang with vulnerability. "I know it's corny as fuck to say this, but I was lost without you."

My heart melted at his words, and I nuzzled my face into him. "I was lost without you too."

"Our parting was such sweet sorrow." Kendall said in a poor attempt at a British accent.

I scooted over so he could lie beside me on the bed. "Seven years later and you're _still_ on about Romeo and Juliet?" I asked before giving a jaw popping yawn. "The story of romance that _isn't_ a romance."

He slipped one arm under my head and draped the other around my waist. "And you're still just as anti-romance as ever. I guess some things never change."

I cuddled against his chest and breathed in the smell of him. "I missed this."

His arm tightened around me as he kissed my forehead. "Me too."

Not long after that, Kendall started snoring, and I snuggled more into his hold. Now that we were in the afterglow of sex, reality was ever so slowly creeping back in.

 _This can't last forever._

But I'd hold onto it for a long as it did.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah, although things aren't completely fixed, it looks like Kames is on the mend!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I absolutely loved hearing your thoughts on the last chapter! The next one will be up sometime this weekend, so you won't have to wait too long for that.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

It was still dark outside when James stirred next to me on the bed and sat up. Still in a state of drowsiness, I squinted my eyes at him. His naked torso stood out in the soft trace of silvery light streaming in through the window.

"James?"

"Sorry, I woke you." He said before leaning down to kiss me on the lips. "I have to get back home to get ready for work. I hadn't intended to actually sleep over so I didn't bring clothes."

I gave a sleepy smile. "Guess it's a good thing you look better naked."

"I'm sure my students won't agree with you, Mr. Knight."

The amusement in his voice was so natural and gave me hope. I'd worried he'd wake up and think what we'd done had been a mistake.

"Why not? If you were my teacher, I'd totally hit on you."

"Go back to sleep, dork." He said before kissing me again. "I'll call you later, okay? We have some things to talk about."

No longer feeling tired, I sat up and wrapped my arms around him from behind. I rested my chin on the top of his shoulder and brought him as close to my chest as possible.

I was afraid that when we talked, we'd get into another fight, and I wasn't ready to go back to being angry at each other. However, having a casual fling with James was out of the question for me. Things needed to be discussed.

"I know we do."

James hugged my arm and leaned back against me. "You're tense. What's up?"

"I just don't want to lose you again." I whispered against his skin.

"Go back to sleep." He repeated softly before gently shrugging out of my hold.

I lay on the pillow and watched as he looked for his clothes. He must've remembered we'd stripped them off in the living room because he gave up his search and walked toward the door. Before he left the room, he turned back and looked at me. He didn't say anything before walking the rest of the way out.

I tried going back to sleep, but it was useless. My mind was alert and my chest felt hollow.

Why did things have to be so complicated? Clearly, both James and I still felt the same about each other. But I hadn't asked him if he even wanted a relationship. I'd just assumed he had.

Yeah. We needed to talk.

I only hoped it'd be about our future and not just rehashing the past for the millionth time.

Flipping onto my stomach, I grabbed his pillow and buried my face in it. The smell of him was all around me-the pillow, sheets, and blanket-as I lay there. Missing him. He hadn't been gone for more than ten minutes, either, which was proof that there was no going back for me.

Now that I had him again, I couldn't let him go. I'd tried to fool myself the other day by saying I'd be okay without him, but after experiencing his touch again and feeling that connection that I'd only ever felt with him, I needed him like the air that filled my lungs.

Eventually, I rolled out of bed and put on my sweatpants, shoes, and a hoodie. I'd get in a workout before taking a shower and starting the day. Before I walked downstairs, I saw that it was five minutes until six a.m. I hadn't been up that early in a while.

I yawned as I pulled my hood up and went outside. The cold air woke me right up, though. Fucking Arkansas weather. I didn't mind winter, but I was ready for Spring. Ready for new life and new beginnings.

I smiled as I started a slow jog down the dirt road. Maybe it'd be a new beginning for me and James. If we could just work out whatever it was that threatened to keep us apart.

Hockey was my life, and I didn't know what I'd do after this next season if I didn't get signed for more years. There was a very slim chance that I could get signed to another team. Plus, I had sort of a modeling career as well, but I had a feeling that would end when I was no longer playing hockey.

If my career _did_ end, would I continue living in Kansas City? I loved it there, living in my house in Overland Park. But what about James? If we agreed to try and work things out, would I just travel back and forth to see him?

I couldn't ask him to move to Missouri for me and give up his job. And with the way his work schedule was, he would have almost no time to come and see me.

The more my thoughts swirled, the faster I jogged. The antsier I became. I didn't want to choose between my love of hockey and James. Why couldn't I have both?

 _I'd already chosen hockey over him before._

"Fuck this shit." I growled to myself, picking up my pace. "No more thinking."

I tuned into the sound of my shoes hitting the dirt, the smell of wood smoke as someone nearby must've had their furnace going, and the sight of gradually lightening sky as the sun prepared to rise.

The ground was damp, the air was thin, and there was a quiet that could only ever be experienced in winter.

Following the path, I came to a small clearing. A willow tree stood tall in the center, its branches long and nearly touching the ground. The location combined with the scent of snow in the air tiggered a memory, and just like that, James was back in my mind.

" _Why is it so quiet when it snows?" I asked as James and I stood outside, watching in awe as the flakes fell from the white sky. It stuck to the grass and started weighing down the branches of the trees._

 _He'd come over to my house that morning so we could ride to school together, but right as he'd gotten there, we'd found out school had been canceled because of the weather._

" _Snow absorbs sound." James answered, holding out his hand to catch a snowflake in the palm of his glove. "But it's also because the world stops to apprecaite it too." His hazel eyes flashed to me and a smile lit his face. "People stay inside and aren't on the roads as much, and animals do the same. Wait. What are yo-"_

 _I chucked a snowball at him, hitting him square in the chest._

" _Oh, you asshole!" He exclaimed before ducking down and gathering snow in his hands._

 _A snowball fight ensued. It was intense too. And epic. So, so epic. Even while wearing gloves, my hands got cold and stung. As did my cheeks and the tip of my nose. I was having too much fun to quit, though._

 _James tried to run away as I formed a massive snowball, but I threw it and hit him in the back of the head._

" _Dude, you can't outrun me."_

" _Damn you and that superhuman arm of yours." He said, pivoting on his heels to glare at me. The scowl turned to a smile once we made eye contact. He looked around the clearing before grabbing my hand and pulling me under the branches of the willow tree._

" _What are you doing?" I asked._

 _And then he kissed me._

 _I put my hands in his coat pocket and pulled him closer, moving my mouth with his. He smelled like cedar and smoke with a hint of mint._

" _My lips are numb." I said, inches from his mouth, before we both started laughing._

 _James nuzzled my neck. "I have an idea."_

 _Curious, I stared as he pulled out a pocket knife and opened the blade. He turned to the tree trunk and started carving something. Catching on to what he was doing, I grinned._

" _This way, a part of us will always be here." James said, smiling. "No matter where life takes us, we'll always be together. Somehow."_

I stood beside the tree, running my hand across the bark. My chest warmed despite the chill in the air, as I felt the carving beneath my fingertips.

 _J & K._

In a completely fucked up way, I felt like destiny had brought me back home. To him. To have a second chance to seize what we'd lost.

When I got back to the house, I took a long, hot shower before pulling out my laptop and catching up on emails. Kelly, my agent, had sent me a contract for a shoe ad to look over. She also mentioned another shoot with Veronica that would be coming up in March. I replied to her and said that worked for me.

My phone rang as I was browsing through my social media page and replying to some fans.

"Hey, man." I answered after seeing that it was Dak.

"Dude, I did it. I proposed to her."

"Well, don't leave me hanging, you ass." I said when he didn't say anything else. "What the fuck happened? Did she say yes?"

"Yes, I did." As sweet, feminine voice said into the phone. "How are you, Kendall?"

"Hey." I said to Stephanie. "I've been okay. Doing much better than I was. Congrats on the engagement. Just _please_ tell me he didn't put the ring in a pizza?"

Stephanie laughed, and Dak muttered something I couldn't make out. A rustling sounded on their end of the line.

"I didn't put the ring in a damn pizza." Dak said. "I took her out to eat at her favorite restaurant and had it placed on top of her dessert. It was romantic as fuck."

"I'm really happy for you guys." I placed my laptop on the coffee table and leaned back on the couch.

"Thanks, man." He sounded so damn happy, and he deserved that happiness. He was one of the funniest and most good hearted guys I knew. "You okay? And don't bullshit me. Your voice is doing that thing where you say one thing, but I know your goofy ass too well to not hear the sadness in it."

Ever since I'd come across the tree James had carved our initials into, I'd felt off. I'd thought I had my whole life planned, but now I wasn't so sure.

"Honestly, dude. I'm not sure." I admitted, pressing my palm into my left eye. A pain throbbed on that side, and I suspected it was due to stress. "I have one more season with the team, and I don't know what I'm going to do after that. I-"

"You'll get signed again." He said with a hopeful tone.

"I doubt it. After my ACL injury last season, I haven't been at my best on the ice. I mean, you've seen it, Dak. I'm still fast, but not like I used to be."

"You can be a free agent if that happens and another team will pick you up." Dak countered.

"Maybe." I said. "I have a lot of thinking to do."

"I'm here for you, okay?"

"I know." I sighed and stared up at the ceiling. "So, do you two have a date for the wedding yet?"

We talked a little longer, and I was sure to keep the focus on him and Stephanie. I wasn't in the mood to talk about my problems, mostly because I was still trying to hold onto the happiness from the night before when I'd been with James.

When I got off the phone with Dak, I saw that I had a text from Jett.

 **Jett:** _You're a fucking asshole. It's been weeks and I haven't heard a word from you._

I was about to text him but then I thought it best to just call him and get it over with faster.

"About time you called me back." Jett answered with a lethal amount of venom in his voice.

"I'm sorry." I said, and I meant it. I should've returned his calls weeks ago. You couldn't just ignore your problems, and it was about time I faced one of mine. "Things have been a little crazy lately."

Jett sighed, his tone softer when he spoke again. "Look, I understand that you were upset that day, and I shouldn't have acted so heartless. I was just upset because you'd been gone a while, and right when you came home, you had to leave again."

A tic started in my jaw.

"I asked you to come with me, Jett. You were just too preoccupied with our trip to care." My heart thumped harder as anger seeped through my veins, and I needed to rein it in before I blew up at him. "But that's in the past."

"Okay. So, are you coming back soon?" He asked. "There's a cruise to the Bahamas in a few weeks that I would love to take you on. It'd give us a chance to clear the air and make up."

"Jett… we're not together anymore." I reminded him, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. "I have no intention of getting back together with you. I only called you back so we could end things on good terms. I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea."

"The wrong idea?" He spat back. "For three months we've been fucking in private like I'm some dirty secret of yours. You kept telling me you'd come out eventually and for me to just be patient. And now you just dump me? You're an asshole."

I was about to apologize-again-but he hung up on me.

"Dammit!" I tossed my phone beside me.

I'd never wanted to hurt Jett. As selfish and high-maintenance as he was, he wasn't a horrible person. Just spoiled. I took no pleasure in breaking his heart, but I just couldn't give him what he wanted.

Not when my heart belonged to someone else.

The grandfather clock in the corner of the room went off, and the sound of its chime was nostalgic. When I was little, I'd sometimes sit in front of it and wait for it to go off. Before it gave the time, it played an almost eerie melody.

Eleven o'clock.

Since I'd woken up so early that morning, I'd already done a sweep of the house and checked for any areas that I thought needed fixing. I'd also gone through a few things in various rooms and started a donation pile.

I hadn't touched Gramps' more sentimental items yet, but I'd at least gotten a start on it all. I'd done so much, and it was _only_ freaking eleven a.m.

I'd go insane if I had to stay here all day.

I grabbed my phone and texted James.

 **Me:** _Hey. Are you allowed to have visitors for lunch?_

 **James:** _Maybe… why? You're aware that if you show up here, you will be mauled by teenagers, right?_

I laughed as I started texting back.

 **Me:** _I can take it ;) What time is your lunch? I'll bring us food._

He said his lunch was at noon, so I got off the couch and jogged upstairs to make myself look more presentable.

When I'd gotten the call about Gramps and packed things to come here, I'd tried to plan ahead and bring a few outfits, but I'd ended up staying way longer than I'd anticipated. I'd had to order some clothes online and have them delivered about a week or so ago since I had outgrown the clothes that were still here.

I flipped through the shirts hanging up in the closet and grabbed the sky blue one before pulling it over the long sleeve shirt I already had on. After checking myself in the bathroom mirror and deciding I could go another day without shaving, I ran a small amount of product through the top of my hair.

I was excited at the thought of going back to my old high school. It'd be weird going back as a visitor instead of a student. Even weirder would be seeing James as a teacher.

 _Fuck, I bet he's hot when he lectures._

And with that thought, I decided to wear my jeans instead of the athletic pants.

* * *

"How many sources do we have to have for the paper again?" Joel asked.

"A minimum of four." I answered. "Make sure you list them in MLA format in the works cited page at the end." His blank green-eyed stare told me all I needed to know. "I'll email you the MLA style instructions again."

"Thanks, Mr. Diamond!" He turned around to his computer and typed something in the search engine.

Joel was on the hockey team and was one hell of an athlete, but he didn't apply himself in his studies as much as I wished he would. Daniel, his best friend who was also an athlete, was in my first period English class, and they reminded me so much of me and Kendall that it was difficult for me to get on them too hard.

I'd had them both in the same class the year before, and they'd been the class clowns, always disrupting the lectures with silly comments and even pranks.

On the days I had lunch duty, their table was always the most rambunctious.

My phone buzzed, vibrating on the desk at an ungodly volume and causing most of the students to turn and look at me.

"Uh-oh, Mr. Diamond is breaking the _no phones in class_ rule." Kevin said, creating a chorus of _oohs_ throughout the room.

"Sorry!" I said, holding my hands up in surrender. "I forgot to put it on silent. You all do your work and leave me be."

They laughed before going back to talking amongst themselves. By the look of it, only a few were actually working on their paper. The rest were just surfing the web.

I waited a minute or two before grabbing my phone, putting it under the desk, and opening the message from Kendall, totally acting like a teenager trying to text in class without the teacher knowing.

He wanted to have lunch with me. My stomach fluttered at the news.

It was crazy, but it felt like he and I were falling in love all over again. The spark of excitement, the way my heart beat faster at the thought of him, the sneaking around. When we'd had sex the night before, it had felt like the first time.

It was public knowledge that he'd gone to school here. Hell, there was even a picture of him hanging up in the glass case in the hall. But he'd never come back to town before. The kids were going to flip out when they saw him. Which was still weird for me to grasp. That he was a celebrity.

To me, he was just Kendall. The biggest goofball in the universe, but one I loved more than anything.

I had to remind myself that so many other people loved him too. As far as role models went, he was a great one to have. Responsible, dedicated, good humoured, and talented. He was proof that if you worked hard enough, you could reach your dreams, and you didn't have to sell your soul or toss out your morals to do it.

We still had things to discuss, but I knew I couldn't ask him to leave hockey. What kind of person would that make me if I asked him to give it all up? I could still keep in touch with him after he went back to Kansas City, but I didn't know if a relationship could continue.

"Remember that your papers are due next Friday." I announced after the bell rang and the students started getting up and leaving the computer lab.

I quickly checked my phone for any new texts before slipping it in the side pocket of my laptop bag and standing up. It was noon, but I hadn't gotten another message from Kendall of whether he was here or not.

That's when I heard the screaming.

It sounded like freaking Matthew Mcconaughey was spotted in the hall or something by the squealing girls. It didn't take much thought to put two and two together.

Leaving the computer lab, I saw a thick crowd of students gathered around the main office. Kendall was smack dab in the center, towering over most of them, with the exception of the taller guys. He grinned and talked to them, juggling a sack of something in one hand while signing things with his other.

"Kids, give the man some breathing room." Griffin, the principal, said to all the students. He'd been the principal when Kendall and I had gone to school too, and he'd given both of us detention more times that I could count. "Go to the cafeteria for lunch. I'm sure Mr. Knight will stick around for a while."

A few students left, but the majority of them continued to talk to Kendall, who didn't seem to mind. Daniel and Joel were amongst the crowd of kids, and I watched their faces light up as Kendall explained something to them.

We made eye contact as I approached. Even with all the people around-and in between-us, it felt like we were the only people in the hallway.

He said something to the kids before patting them on the backs, walking toward me. He had a sticker stuck to the front of his shirt that read _visitor_ , and I inwardly laughed.

As if anyone would mistake him for anything else.

"Hey." Kendall said once in front of me and held up the bag. "I bought us lunch. I hope you still like Thai food."

I was aware of all the eyes on us, so I didn't pull him in for a hug like I wanted to do. Yeah, friends hugged, but I didn't want to chance anything. For his sake. Most of my students didn't even know he'd been my best friend in school, so a lot of them gawked.

"I do." I answered. More students gathered around, clearly not aware of the phrase _personal space_. "Uh, we can eat in the teacher's lounge."

"Cool. Lead the way, Mr. Diamond." Kendall winked, and I rolled my eyes. We turned and started walking to the lounge. Griffin repeated to the students to go to the cafeteria, and grumbling followed his demand.

"You know you're gonna have to visit with them some after lunch." I said as we walked down the hall. "Otherwise there's going to be some very depressed kids. It's not every day their idol shows up at school."

"Yeah, I planned on it." He replied with a kind smile. "It's still weird to be looked up to like that. Like I'm some kind of hero."

He looked too handsome. That movie star smile and lean body. But it was more the softness in his green eyes that warmed me from the inside out.

"To a lot of them, that's exactly what you are." I said, opening the door to the teacher's lounge.

The lounge wasn't that big, but there were a few small tables, a coffee maker, and a copying machine. There was no one else in there, and I was thankful that we'd have privacy. We sat at the table near the window and unpacked the food. He placed a white takeout container in front of me before taking out his.

"It's been a while since I've had Thai." I said before opening the lid. The smell of chicken fried rice made my stomach growl. "Thank you."

"No problem." He took a bite of his chicken lo mein and stared out the window as he chewed. "Lunch isn't the only reason I wanted to see you."

"Oh?" A weird feeling settled in my gut.

His green eyes moved to mine. "I need to know what you want, James. Last night was amazing and was the happiest I've been in a long time. But if you don't want this...if you don't want me...please tell me. Because I can't just do the casual thing with you. I love you too goddamn much for that."

Suddenly, I wasn't that hungry anymore.

"Do we have to figure it all out right now?" I asked, knowing it wasn't what he wanted to hear, but it was all I could give him. "I know I said this morning that we needed to talk, and I meant it. But I've been doing some thinking of my own. You're the one that said not to think too much about the future and to just live in the moment. Can't we just...take this one day at a time and see where it goes?"

Seconds passed-maybe minutes-before he nodded.

"Okay." He said. "You're right."

We ate in silence, and he seemed sadder than he'd been earlier. I couldn't blame him for wanting answers, because I wanted them as well. I just didn't want to jeopardize what little time we had together by arguing.

"Ken?" I asked, and he looked up at me. "I love you too by the way. I'm not sure what the future holds for us, but what I _do_ know is that I want you. That's all that matters to me right now."

Kendall smiled and reached across the table, placing his hand on mine. When someone opened the door, he jerked away, though. It was a reminder that he still wasn't out, and even though I shouldn't have been, I was a little hurt by it.

Logan, the math teacher, looked at us with wide eyes before smiling and saying hi. I returned his smile, hoping I didn't seem rude by not chatting with him. We were good friends and normally sat together at lunch. He heated up a bowl of soup before leaving the lounge. Once he was gone, Kendall and I made small talk as we finished eating.

I told him about my parents and how they wanted him to come into the diner again sometime. They'd said he'd come in there several times after Bill's funeral to see them, but it'd been a while since he had.

He told me about a hockey buddy of his who'd just proposed to his girlfriend. I'd read about Dak before and I'd seen a lot of pictures of them together online. They also playfully bantered back and forth on social media.

It was nice to talk and get to know him better. Learning about his life and hearing stories of things he'd experienced while traveling. But it started becoming uncomfortable as I realized how inadequate I was. He'd met people and seen places I'd only ever dreamed of, and yeah, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a slight envy about it all. He'd traveled the world, hung out with supermodels and celebrities, and already experienced so much in his life.

Whereas I'd just been frozen since the day he'd left, not really moving forward with my own life.

Kendall had been right all those years before in saying he'd go on to make something of himself, while I stayed in this town, never going anywhere or doing anything extraordinary with my life. I was a nobody, just like he had said I would be. But… I _had_ made something of myself. Being a teacher was amazing. But it was nothing compared to him.

The more he talked, the more my chest ached.

What could I possibly give him that he didn't already have?

* * *

 **Done! So, more Kames interaction this chapter along with a minor appearance from Logan! Clearly, Kames still has a few things to work out.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will more than likely be up by** **Wednesday, maybe sooner. Either way, you won't have too long of a wait.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get into things, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, Guest, winterschild11, annabellex2, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy! :)**

* * *

February arrived with a bang, that bang being a massive snowstorm. Kendall had invited me to stay over the night before, and when we woke up the next morning-still naked and cuddled together-the light coming in through the window was white instead of the usual golden stream from the sun.

After I got out of bed, taking the sheet with me, I looked outside and watched in wonder as the snow covered every inch of the grass. It was still coming down hard, too.

Kendall stirred on the bed, and I turned to see him on his side, staring at me with heavy lidded eyes.

"What are you looking at?" He asked with his voice heavy from sleep.

"Take a look for yourself." I said, motioning to the window.

Accepting my challenge, he got up and walked over to me. His dick was at half-mast, and even though we'd pretty much had sex all night, I already wanted more.

"Damn." He said once seeing the snow. "The weather guys actually got it right this time. Good thing I got some groceries yesterday. Doesn't look like we'll be going anywhere anytime soon."

I put my arms around him, wrapping the sheet around him too.

Our dicks touched as he leaned closer, and I softly moaned against his mouth as he kissed me. Knowing there wouldn't be any school for me today, I moved him back toward the bed, sucking on his tongue like I wanted to do to his cock.

He growled deep in his throat before falling back on the mattress and taking me with him.

We spent another hour in bed, getting lost in the warmth of each other's bodies. He fucked me hard and fast the first time, and then we lazily kissed afterward, giving ourselves time recoup. Then he made love to me, unhurried and passionate.

It showed both sides of Kendall so well. The wild side and then the softer, more romantic one.

I loved both of them equally.

I wanted to believe that I could keep him. That we wouldn't allow anything to tear us apart again, neither distance nor careers. But the clock was ticking. Him being in Willow was only temporary.

I didn't know how much longer he planned to stay. We hadn't talked about the future since about a week and a half ago when he'd had lunch with me at school. It was the unspoken thing that drove a wedge between us in moments when I caught myself thinking about it. I suspected his mind was often in the same place as mine, though, by the way he'd hold onto me sometimes as if I was leaving.

Or he was.

"Can we just stay in bed all day?" He asked in a husky tone, nuzzling his face into my neck before pressing a kiss there.

"That sounds great to me." I answered, turning my face into his hair and smelling his comforting scent. It was a mix of his cologne and something that was uniquely him.

"Good." He said before tugging me closer.

He sucked at the bottom of my throat, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, tilting my head back. My breathing quickened as his hand smoothed up and down my chest. He tweaked my nipples as he continued nipping at my throat, and I moaned.

He didn't try for more than that, though. Instead, he placed one last kiss to my neck and one on my lips before laying his head on my chest and closing his eyes.

Kendall was so cuddly after sex, and an ache hit my heart as I held onto him, wondering how long I'd get to keep him this time before he left again.

When we finally got out of bed around noon, we showered before going into the kitchen to make something to eat. I was starving and my stomach roared its discontent as I opened the refrigerator and looked inside.

"How do you feel about eggs, bacon, and toast?" I asked, thankful he'd gone to the store the day before.

One look outside the window above the sink told me there was no way we could go anywhere. Well, unless we hiked through the snow. Which actually could be fun. We'd done it quite a few times when we were kids. We'd had some pretty epic snowball fights too.

Kendall came up behind me and slipped his arms around my waist, kissing my nape. I melted against him, tilting my head back and resting it on the side of his.

"If you don't stop, we'll starve." I pointed out as I felt his dick poke my ass. "Now shoo."

"You did _not_ just tell me to fucking shoo." He said with a scoff.

For emphasis, I grabbed the spatula from the stove and flipped around to face him. I gently tapped it against my open palm, arching a brow at him.

He put his hands up. "Fine. I'll shoo. Like a damn dog."

"Good boy." I said, suppressing a laugh upon seeing the incredulous stare he gave me for that remark.

It didn't take long for me to make breakfast, and once I was finished, we sat down at the table near the patio doors and ate. We watched the snow continue to fall and talked about old times. Not the parts of the past that would stir up drama again, but the parts that made us laugh so hard I nearly choked on a piece of bacon.

"Remember his face?" Kendall asked through his laughs before he scrunched his face up and mimicked Mr. Henderson. "You damn kids better get off my lawn or I'm gonna call the law!"

I laughed and wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes before busting out into another fit of giggles.

I'd forgotten how easy it was to be with Kendall, but he was reminding me more and more each day. He'd only been back in Willow for about a month, but I already forgot what life was like before then. As if I'd been merely existing and not actually living. My life was simple. Predictable and lacking all spontaneity. And I'd been completely okay with that.

Until I remembered what it was like to be with Kendall.

Suddenly, I felt like my old self again, as if Kendall's presence gave me back a piece of my soul. My missing piece. That piece had been torn from me when he'd left seven years ago, and it'd taken every ounce of strength I had to carry on without him.

"I don't want this day to end." Kendall said after we'd eaten and crawled back into bed. He pulled me into his arms.

I couldn't fight my thoughts anymore.

"What happens when you leave?" I asked, forcing back the wave of sorrow weaving through my chest. "Our lives are too different, Ken. I want to have this. I want to have you here with me forever, but that can't happen, can it?"

Kendall looked at me for a minute before sitting back and getting off the bed.

I instantly missed his weight against me. It was as if the blanket had been yanked off me, and I was left there missing its warmth. He walked toward the door, and I watched grooves in his naked back move as he did. The two dips in his lower back sat right above the sexiest ass I'd ever seen.

"Kendall?"

In the doorway, he turned, and his face had dramatically changed from the vulnerable expression to one of frustration.

"Why do you have to be like this, James?" He shook his head and looked down at the hardwood floor. "Why do you always have to bring up such fucking depressing things when all I wanna do is enjoy being with you? The last time I tried to talk about the future, you shut me down. And now you wanna talk about it again? Make up your fucking mind because I'm losing mine trying to keep up with you."

I got off the bed and neared him before grabbing his hand. I half-expected him to yank away from me, but then I reminded myself that was a move _I'd_ make, not him.

"You don't want to be with me, do you?" He asked, lifting his gaze and focusing on me. His usually green eyes appeared darker.

"That's not true." I said, stepping closer. "But it'd be stupid to not at least _consider_ where this is going. I mean, think about it, Ken. I have a life here just like you have one there."

"You know that's a bullshit excuse." He snapped, letting go of my hand. "Guys on my team have girlfriends. Fuck, some of them even have kids. They all make it work. Yeah, my summer is a full schedule of training and workouts, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't make time to see you."

I pictured the kind of life he talked about. It wasn't totally impossible. Difficult, yes. But not undoable. However, I still didn't see it working out long term.

One thing he seemed to forget is that those guys on his team actually LIVE with their girlfriends and kids.

Kendall would still live in Kansas City, and I'd live here in Willow. All of that traveling back and forth to see each other would get tiring. Not only physically, but emotionally as well. Because there'd be too many goodbyes and not enough time between them to ease the heartache.

"Okay. Then maybe we should just take this one step at a time." I suggested, grabbing his hand again. "See where life takes us. I won't mention it again."

Kendall raised our joined hands and kissed my knuckles. "Have faith in me, Jay. Relationships aren't easy. They take effort, and yeah, sometimes they're fucking hard. But we have to at least try. Don't give up on me. I don't want to lose you again."

"I don't want to lose you either." I whispered, too emotional to talk any louder. My chest fluttered and my bottom lip trembled uncontrollably.

One thing I knew for sure?

Losing him again would shatter me completely.

* * *

"Some advice I can give you is don't neglect your studies." I said to the group of athletes hovering around our table at lunch. "Most guys think athletics is all that comes into play, but they want leaders in the pros, both in the classroom and on the ice. If your grades aren't there, they doubt your determination."

"Well, shit." Joel said, crinkling his brow. "I'm fucked then. And not in the fun way."

"Hey. Language." James chastised him.

"Yeah, watch your profanity." Daniel said, trying and failing to contain his laughter as he shoulder-bumped his best friend.

For the past two weeks, I'd started having lunch with James almost daily at the high school, and within that time, I'd talked more to his students. A lot of them were still starstruck, but for the most part, once they'd hung out with me a bit and saw that I was just a regular guy, they'd begun to relax more and not look at me like I was God or something.

Well, the girls still looked at me like that, which admittedly, weirded me out a little. But I was somewhat used to fan girls. I didn't get as much attention as a rock star or movie stars, but since I'd done the Under Armour photoshoot, I'd definitely been thrown more into the spotlight.

Other than my career in hockey, the modeling had sparked most of my fame and put me in the public eye, causing me to appear in magazines and on billboards. I'd never get used to girls approaching me with posters of me in just my underwear wanting my autograph.

Signing hockey pucks and hockey sticks was one thing. Signing pictures of me all sexed-up and with my junk almost falling out was another.

"Are you really dating Veronica Castro?" Another kid asked whose name I _think_ was Seth. "She's so freaking hot."

James averted his gaze at the question, and a heaviness settled in my stomach.

I'd told him Veronica was just a friend and that she and I had never had sex, but his insecurity made him still have suspicions I was lying. I guess I couldn't really blame him, especially with all the reports out there and the fact that I never publicly denied dating her. But it still hurt that he didn't fully trust me, and I knew that when the time came for me to leave, it'd cause another fight. Because he didn't trust me enough to do the long distance thing.

"We're friends." I answered, wanting to finally put the rumors to rest. "But we're not together."

"You must get a lot of hot chicks all the time." Another guy said as if it was something to be admired. For teenage boys it was, I supposed. "And to just go through them all, a different one every night. Dude, I wanna be just like you someday."

I looked at James, who was paying extra attention to his salad and avoiding eye contact with me. If the roles were reversed, I'd probably be upset too, hearing about all the people he'd been with.

"Some guys do that." I said, regarding the group of boys. "Fame comes with all kinds of temptations. But I'm actually seeing someone right now, and not to throw away my _cool_ card, but they're the only one I want. So as awesome as it is to get lucky, a real relationship is even better."

James looked at me then, and the awed expression in his hazel eyes nearly made me forget where we were and kiss him.

"That's so romantic." Kelsea, one of the cheerleaders, said, resting her chin on her hand and staring at me with big, dreamy eyes. "She's a very lucky girl."

Just like that, the sadness returned on James' face. One day I'd find the courage to publicly come out, and when that day arrived, I'd kiss him in front of the whole world if it made him happy.

When lunch was over, I walked with James back to his classroom. Kids high-fived and knuckle-bumped me as we went down the hall.

"Just like when we were in high school." James chuckled with an amused shake of his head. "No matter what, you'll always be one of the cool kids."

"I can't help it that I'm so lovable." I said, winking.

Entering his classroom, I saw that there weren't any students in there yet, so I sat on the edge of his desk.

"They're going to miss you when you leave, you know." James said before grabbing a marker and writing the day's assignment on the board. After capping the marker, he placed it back on the tray and faced me. "So will I."

Sadness crept up my spine.

The topic of me leaving had been the one thing we'd avoided.

For weeks, we'd just lived in our own little bubble. Our own reality, not worrying about the following day and just living in the moment. He'd helped me go through Gramps' things, and instead of hiring someone else to come in and fix the parts of the house that needed it, I'd been gradually working on it to give myself something to do during the day when I wasn't at school with him.

But it couldn't be avoided forever.

"I'm still here now." I said, closing the distance between us. I didn't pull him into my arms like I wanted to, because students started entering the classroom, but I subtly brushed my pinky against his.

"I know." He answered in a sad tone. "I'm just trying not to get too comfortable. I'm not stupid enough to think this will last forever."

As he greeted some of his students, I walked to the back of the room to get out of the way. I normally didn't stay long after lunch, but there'd been times when I stuck around for the rest of the school day, playing teacher's aide.

Recently, I'd been dubbed _One Who Passes Out Assignments_ and _Gatherer of Papers_. I was kind of a big deal like that.

"Today we're going to read more in Tartuffe." James said, standing at the front of the class and looking sexy as fuck as he bunched the sleeves of his shirt up at his elbows. "But first, can anyone tell me the literary period when Moliere released the play?"

Kevin's hand shot up. "The Enlightenment."

That kid was always the first to raise his hand.

"And what was that?" James asked.

"It was the age of reason." Kevin expanded his answer. "Instead of focusing on blind faith, it emphasized logic and scientific details."

"Correct." James said with a smile. "Tartuffe is the name of one of the main characters in the play who was thought to be a pious man. The name also translates to 'hypocrite,' which you can imagine caused quite the conflict back in the day, angering the church to such an extent that the play was actually banned. Moliere stated, however, that his play was not an attack on religion, but on hypocrisy and the ridiculousness of blind faith."

Seeing James in action was an incredible sight. And a massive turn on. My dick began to fill, and I quickly adjusted myself.

James' eyes met mine, and I smirked. He went back to teaching, but not before I saw the small upturn of his lips as well.

The shy parts of him were nowhere to be found when he was teaching. He appeared confident and relaxed. He was patient and kind, and he really made his students think critically about the work instead of just giving them the easy way out. He'd loved classic literature so much when we were in school, and I was so happy that he'd found his calling. We'd both found ways to make careers out of our passions.

That thought got me thinking again.

Careers. The future. My off-season in hockey, which was basically my vacation time, lasted until the end of April when workouts began. They weren't mandatory, but by that time, I was usually ready to jump back into the hockey scene. That gave me about two more months before I had to make any decisions.

I had a photoshoot with Veronica coming up in March, though, that I hadn't mentioned to James yet. Mostly because of his jealousy toward her. I wasn't sure how I was going to approach that subject.

We'd been so damn happy lately, and I didn't want us to go back to not talking to each other. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

XxX

"You want another plate of pancakes?" James' mom, Brooke, asked after approaching our booth in the corner of the diner.

"No, thank you, Mrs. Diamond." I answered, putting a hand on my already stuffed stomach. "Any more and I won't be able to fit into my hockey uniform."

James rolled his eyes as he took another drink of coffee.

"What?" I asked. "It's tight."

"You're tight." He immediately shot back in a sarcastic voice just like we used to do all the time when we were younger. Only this time, it kind of bit us in the ass, and we blushed.

I was definitely tight. The only guy I'd ever let fuck me was James, and it's been a long time since that's happened.

Brooke looked back and forth between us before smiling and walking to another table to refill someone's drink.

James' routine on Saturday was to have breakfast at his parent's diner, and I'd started joining him. In fact, I'd noticed that a lot of his life was routine. Even though he hadn't come out and told me about it, I got the impression he avoided most people. He had a certain schedule he stuck to, one that mostly involved him being alone.

He was afraid to put himself out in the world, and I knew it was because of me. He didn't have to tell me he was afraid of people hurting him. It was clear in his daily life of shielding himself from new experiences. From things and possibly even relationships that'd excite him.

Once upon a time, I'd known him better than I knew myself, and I liked to think I still did to an extent.

"What do you wanna do today?" I asked after taking a drink of orange juice. "Besides me, that is."

James tried-and failed-to stop his smile. "I really need to hit the gym. But after that...I don't know. I'm still reading over the kids' research papers, so I might work on that some."

I nodded before glancing out the window at a red cardinal that had landed on a low-hanging branch. It pecked at something before flying off again.

After the snowstorm we'd had about two weeks before, the weather had begun to feel more like spring, although some days were still chilly. The high was going to be in the sixties today with blue skies and lots of sun. The perfect weather to do something outside. Maybe to get James to be more spontaneous too.

"Okay." I said, returning my gaze to him. "We'll go to the gym after this, and then you're mine for the rest of the day. No more working on school shit or being a hermit in your little cave."

His lips twitched. "I feel like I should be scared. You're not going to throw me into a den of lions or something, right?"

"I haven't decided yet."

"In that case," He said before taking another sip of his coffee. "Let's get the check and get out here."

* * *

 **Done! So it seems that Kames is happy at the moment, but they're kind of dancing around the topic of Kendall leaving again. Plus, we got more of Kendall at the school with James!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will be up sometime this weekend, so you won't have too long of a wait for that!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hello again everyone! So I ad planned on posting this either tomorrow or Sunday, but I felt the urge to post so...here we are! :P**

 **Before we get strated, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and annabellex2 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I'd once thought that working out with Kendall back in high school was tough, but it was nothing compared to working out with him now. He pushed me hard and didn't let me slack off at all. I was in the best shape of my life, but I still had a little trouble.

"Mercy!" I said with a pained chuckle, bending over and resting my hands on my thighs. "I think I'm dying."

"It's good for you, babe." He said before slapping me on the ass.

The action shocked me, and I looked around to see if anyone else noticed it.

There weren't many other people in the gym, and the people that _were_ there were too preoccupied with their own workouts to notice us. Weekends weren't normally busy anyway. The busiest day seemed to be Monday, and then business just dwindled off as the week went on.

Once Kendall was done killing me with our workout, we went back to my place and showered. I didn't like showering at the gym. It was just one of my things.

"Wear comfortable clothes." Kendall called out to me from the other room. "None of that button-up shirt crap you wear to school."

"Yes, sir." I mocked him as I grabbed a plain T-shirt off the hanger and a pair of old jeans.

All of a sudden he was behind me and tugging me against his chest. "I'll show you _sir_." He whispered at my nape, sending shivers down my spine. Before he pulled away, he nipped the skin on my shoulder with his teeth.

I turned to face him, arching my brow. "Dude, I might bottom, but I'm not a damn submissive. So you can just can it with all of that dominant shit right now." I moved toward him, loving the way his eyes watched me with an excited gleam. "If memory serves me right, there was a time when I used to fuck _you_ into the mattress. Maybe I should remind you of that later."

Kendall's expression went from entertained to seductive in a split second. He used to love when I took control, and by the way his green eyes seemed to darken a little, I suspected he still did.

Without allowing myself to over-analyze it like I did with everything, I charged forward and took his face in my hands before crashing my lips to his. He gave a surprised grunt and his arms slowly came around my waist. We toppled backward on the bed, and then he was kissing me back, swirling his tongue against mine.

I didn't think I'd ever get enough of him.

No, I _knew_ I wouldn't. Kendall was a part of me-the better part, actually-and when he left again, I'd… _No, I won't obsess over something that hasn't even happened yet._

"Mmm, James." Kendall clutched onto my ass and pulled me between his legs. His sweats did nothing to conceal the tent he was pitching. "Fuck me."

"What about your plans?" I asked, grinning between the kisses I placed on his throat. My voice was a lot steadier than how I actually felt.

"Fuck the plans." He grumbled before squeezing my ass cheeks in his hands. "I need you inside of me."

There wasn't any arguing with that, and I was more than willing to give him whatever he wanted.

I had topped since him, so it wasn't exactly anything new, but I was still nervous for some reason. Because it was with him, the only guy who ever mattered. However, my eagerness outweighed the nerves.

I kissed him, tasting the mint from his toothpaste and fusing my tongue with his. He was warm and fit perfectly against me. Pulling back from his mouth, I took off my glasses and placed them on the nightstand beside the bed. I could see well enough without them and mostly just used them for work, so he was only slightly blurry.

I caressed the stubble on his jaw before moving down his neck and to his collarbone.

His green eyes didn't leave mine as I slipped my fingers under the waistband of his pants and began sliding them down, past his thighs and farther until they were completely off.

Since he'd been in Willow, the slight tan that he had had faded a little, but there was still a faint line from where he wore his briefs. He was still amazing, and looked better than anyone had the right to.

We'd had so much sex in the past few weeks that I should've been used to seeing his body and feeling his touch, but it still felt like the first time. Every time. The thrill of being wrapped around him, succumbing to the pleasure of our tangled limbs and warm kisses, felt like home.

Once he was naked, I took my time playing with his ass.

He kept jerking at first, as if he wasn't used to the feeling. But when he relaxed, I wet my finger between my lips before slowly pushing it knuckle deep into his hole.

"Damn." He groaned, tilting his head down to watch me.

Loving the sounds he made, I kissed his dick as I continued fucking him with my finger. His cock twitched against my lips and grew bigger as it hardened. I teasingly licked around the crown before lazily running my tongue across his slit.

Kendall gasped and gripped a handful of my hair. Pre-cum drizzled from his tip, and I used to my other hand to dip my thumb into it and rub it around.

The sounds he made drove me wild, and I was so hard I quietly whimpered. I shoved down my pants as I continued thrusting my finger ito him and started stroking myself.

"I love when you touch yourself." Kendall confessed with a lopsided grin.

I angled my finger upward inside him, rubbing that bundle of nerves and causing him to close his eyes and moan.

After opening him with one finger, I added a second. I wasn't sure if he'd bottomed a lot-and honestly, I didn't want to think about it because my jealousy would arise again-but just in case he hadn't, I wanted to do everything in my power to make it as painless as possible.

"I'm ready." He said, still watching me as I worked him with my fingers. I was up to three fingers now and had been at it for a while. Sweat covered his chest and his breaths were sharp. "Get up here."

Obeying him, I slid back up his body before capturing his lips once more. I felt his heart beat hard against mine, and I looked down into his eyes, fighting the sudden wave of emotion crashing through me.

Within the time we'd been back together, we hadn't really said we loved each other, with the exception of once. It was something I knew we still felt, but the actual saying it was difficult. Maybe because we loved what the other _used_ to be, and we were getting to know who we were _now_.

Falling in love all over again. And boy was I falling.

Kendall stroked my jaw and held my gaze as I moved his legs apart with my knee and settled between them. He didn't say anything, but the look in his green eyes said more than his words could anyway. That he felt the same as me.

After I put on protection and used lube on both of us, I placed my tip at his entrance and gradually pushed forward. Fuck. He was still tight, even after all the prep.

His brow scrunched as he squeezed his eyes shut, and his body tensed.

"Try to relax, Ken." I said, resting my forehead on his and cupping his nape.

He nodded but didn't answer. After inhaling, he slowly released it, and on his exhale, I pushed a little deeper.

"Fuck that hurts like hell." Kendall said through clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry." I said softly before kissing his temple, his cheekbone, and finally his lips as I broke through the tight ring of muscle fighting against me. When he buried his face in my neck and sharply sucked in, my heart ached. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No." He said, tightening his arms around me. "I'm okay."

Kissing him, I penetrated deeper before withdrawing a little and thrusting back inside. He felt amazing around me, so tight and warm, but I didn't let myself give into the pleasure until I knew he was really okay.

Only when his winces turned to moans did I let myself do the same. Reaching between us, I found his dick and started pumping it.

"God, James." He threw his head back on the pillow and peered up at me with half-lidded eyes. "That feels so good."

I gave him more, driving my hips forward harder than before, hitting him deeper and expelling from him more moans and whimpers. As more of his pleasured sighs reached my ears, I drove into him faster.

"Mmm, right _there_." Kendall panted and his chest was slick as our bodies moved together. "I'm gonna come."

He cried out as his release slammed into him, and I felt hot jets of cum shoot up my stomach.

The hold on my own orgasm started slipping. My spine tingled followed by my balls drawing up. I was close.

Kendall grabbed my hips and helped my movements by pulling me harder inside him, staring up at me with heavy, bedroom eyes and parted lips.

And then I went over the edge, coming so hard into him that I saw spots in my vision.

"Ken." I moaned, giving him another slow thrust as I filled the condom.

"That's it, baby." He said before sucking on my earlobe.

I couldn't move for several seconds. My heart beat wildly and I felt lightheaded.

Kendall held my lower back with one hand and cupped my nape with the other before turning me over. I stared up at him and felt a breaking in my chest. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but for some reason, the words just wouldn't come out.

No amount of _I love you's_ would change the fact that he was only here temporarily. That he'd go back to his life and I'd continue staying frozen in mine.

"Why are you doing that?" He asked in a husky tone.

"Doing what?"

"Looking at me as if you're ready to say goodbye."

I went to respond, but couldn't find the right words. There _weren't_ any right words for our situation. So, instead I kissed him, reveling in the taste of him, the softness of his lips.

I didn't want the very likely reality of our future to take away from the beauty of the present. Whatever happened later would happen, and I wasn't going to waste any more of the time we had left together.

A soft groan left his throat as he returned the kiss and tangled his fingers in my hair. I got the feeling his thoughts mirrored mine.

XxX

Sitting in class that following Monday morning, I kept getting distracted by thoughts of Kendall and the incredible weekend we'd spent together.

We never got around to actually doing anything Saturday, other than enjoying each other between the sheets. I hadn't minded that, and Kendall hadn't either. We'd made love, taken a nap, kissed, and then made love again before finally getting out of bed and making dinner. After we'd eaten, we had cuddled on the couch while watching a movie.

But then our lips had found each other once more, and we'd ended up making love there too instead of watching the movie.

On Sunday, we had woken up and eaten breakfast before going on a hike through a trail in the woods. The path had twisted all throughout the woods, going up small hills before going back down, winding and turning. It'd taken us most of the day to travel the whole trail before wrapping back around to where we'd parked my car.

The long walk had given us the chance to talk about things. _Really_ talk about them, and not just skirt around certain issues. We still hadn't discussed our future as a couple, but we'd talked about his career and where he feared it was heading.

"My contract expires next February." He said as we'd stopped on a hill, overlooking the valley below. "I have one more season."

"What does that mean for you?"

Kendall shrugged. "Not sure. There's still the chance they could extend the contract, but I don't have much hope for that actually happening." His eyes focused on me. "Hockey's all I've ever known, James. All I've ever been good at. Without it...I don't know." He turned away from me and began walking down the hill. "I'm nothing."

I strode forward and grabbed his arm, turning him around to face me. "That's not true, Ken. You are _everything_. Even when you leave hockey, even when you aren't a star athlete anymore, you still have purpose. What about your modeling?"

Something flashed in his eyes before he averted his stare.

"We should get back to the car." He said. "It's getting late."

I wasn't sure why, but his whole demeanor had changed at the mention of modeling. There was something he wasn't telling me, but I hoped he'd eventually tell me. Whatever it was.

As I sat at my desk and waited for my next class to start, I replayed it all again and tried not to get my hopes up about his expiring contract.

If Kendall no longer played pro-hockey, there was nothing keeping him from staying in Willow. We could build a life together.

But how much would it crush his spirit in the process?

I'd be a horrible person if I just let that happen for the sake of my happiness. When you loved someone, _truly_ loved them, you'd sacrifice anything if it meant they were happy. Kendall would be miserable settling for a simple life, one where he had a regular nine to five job and couldn't play hockey.

I knew then that even if I _could_ go back to that day seven years ago when I'd broken up with Kendall… I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. As much as it'd hurt me, I'd done it so he could live his dream.

I'd set him free so he could fly.

And I refused to be the one to clip his wings now.

* * *

 _One Week Later_

"Everything looks in top notch condition." The inspector said as he approached me. "I'd suggest maybe another coat of paint on the deck just to add to the appearance, but the condition of the place is great.'

Usually, the buyer would pay to have the house inspected, but I thought it'd help the house get a better price if I did it myself. So that way, the buyer would know of any issues up front and be willing to pay for it. Not that money was an issue for me, but I just hated the thought of the house not getting what it deserved.

"Thanks." I said, shaking his hand.

"You should have no issue selling the place, Mr. Knight. It's a beauty."

After he gave me the inspection sheet and I paid what was due, he got in his truck and left. I walked down the steps of the front porch before turning around and looking at the house.

It really was beautiful. A two-story manor with maroon paint, decorative columns, and a vast amount of windows to let in the light of a gorgeous sunny day. A sunroom set off to the left, connected to the house by a breezeway lined with ivy. The house was made up of several different styles.

There was a terrace out back that Grandpa had worked on a lot through the years to make it look like some kind of enchanted garden, with a small fountain in the center and flowers and smaller trees all around it.

"What are you doing, Kendall?" I asked myself as I took it all in.

I hadn't listed the house for sale yet, because I'd wanted the repairs to be done first, as well as the inspection. But I couldn't deny that I'd purposefully put it off over the past month. As if some part of me knew it was a mistake.

After walking to the terrace, I sat down on the cushioned bench and looked out over the backyard. Even though it was technically still winter, the weather had shifted to an early spring. It was the twentieth of February and in the upper fifties. A somewhat chilly breeze blew, but the heat of the sun helped balance it, and I only needed a long-sleeved shirt instead of a jacket.

I checked the time on my phone and saw that it was almost eleven-thirty. If I wanted to make it on time for lunch with James, I needed to get moving. As I went back into the house and put on a different pair of pants, I thought about how James had been acting a little off lately. Or maybe that was just my paranoia at play because I still hadn't told him about the upcoming photoshoot with Veronica.

Which I planned to tell him about. I just hadn't found the right moment.

I arrived at the school with only two minutes to spare and went into the main office.

"I was wondering if you'd be here today." Camille said as I walked through the door. She was the receptionist and always seemed to have a big smile on her face. It was pretty infectious.

"Yeah, I left a little late." I answered, leaning on the counter and winking at her.

"Always the charmer you are." She chuckled, shaking her head before handing me the sign-in sheet. "You know the drill."

I signed my name and the time I got there before taking the visitor sticker from her and slapping it on my chest.

"Don't cause any trouble now." She said, giving me a stern look before breaking out into a smile.

"You never know with me." I said with a smirk before leaving the office and going down the hall.

Students greeted me along the way, and a few of the athletes fist-bumped me. One of the girls squealed and waved before running to her group of friends and giggling. I'd come to know a lot of the kids, and the way they looked up to me was kind of endearing.

Daniel, one of the hockey guys, was probably the one I was closest to. He may have been a hockey player, but that wasn't the only reason we were close. He was a genuinely good kid, and I got the feeling that he didn't have the best home life. When I sat with him and talked at lunch, it seemed like it made his whole day. And it was kind of an amazing feeling to be able to have that impact on someone.

Funny that when I attended here, I couldn't wait to leave...and now I enjoyed being back.

James was in his classroom, and his back was toward the door. He talked to Joel, another student I'd gotten to know, and I snuck up behind him.

Joel caught sight on me and nearly gave me away with how his mouth instantly went into a smile, but he looked back at James and avoided looking at me.

"You just need to apply yourself more." James told him in a gentle, but serious, tone. "You're a very smart kid, and you're a great writer. But you have to actually do the work to pass my class."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Diamond. I'll do better."

"Don't apologize to _me_." James countered, handing Joel a paper with a big red D- on the front. "It's a disservice to yourself. You had some great ideas in this, but you skimped on the research and gave me Wikipedia sources after I specifically said that those were unacceptable." I was only a foot away now. "Kendall, I swear to god, you better rethink what you're about to do."

"Damn it!" I groaned before moving to stand beside them, crossing my arms. "You have eyes in the back of your head."

"He does!" Joel chimed in. "He always catches me and Daniel passing notes in class. It must be his teacher super powers."

"What's this I hear about a D?" I looked at Joel. "Man, you're better than that."

Joel looked down at his feet and shifted his weight. "Yeah, I know." He brought his hand up and rubbed at his neck before dropping it again and folding his research paper in half. "Is there anything I can to do to make it up, Mr. Diamond? Like a bonus points assignment or something?"

"I'll think about it." James said, clearly softening up to the kid. "Now go to lunch. We'll talk about it later."

Joel nodded, bumping my fist before leaving the room.

"Kid needs to stop fooling around so much." I said with a grin. "Maybe then he'd be able to focus on his work."

"Huh?"

"Oh come on, James." I nudged his shoulder. "Did you seriously _not_ see the freaking hickey on his neck? There were, like, three of them actually."

"I didn't really pay attention." He answered, turning to straighten the stack of papers on his desk. "I was too busy worrying about his future."

I admired his toned forearms before taking in the the way the dress shirt he wore was so fit around his biceps that it looked like the material would plit if he wasn't careful. My mouth watered, and I suddenly had images of me pushing him on the the desk and ripping that shirt off, kissing down his smooth chest and down to his belly button, where I'd swirl my tongue and…

"Ken?"

Snapping out of my fantasy, I focused on his sweet hazel eyes. "You ready to eat lunch? I didn't have time to stop and grab us something, so I guess school food will have to do. Unless you want to leave campus for lunch."

James narrowed his eyes. "What were you just thinking about?"

I shrugged and fidgeted with one of the markers in the tray by the board, finding them suddenly fascinating.

"You want to fuck me against this desk, don't you?" James asked, and when I looked back at him, his arms were crossed over his chest and he had a knowing look in his eyes.

"Maybe."

When James smiled, it was like everything was made right with the world. The flash of pearly white teeth and the crinkling in his right cheek was a sight for sore eyes. A lopsided grin that hit me square in the heart and traveled down to my throbbing dick.

"Come on, Romeo." He said before walking toward the door.

"Does that make you Juliet?" I asked, wiggling my brows.

He turned and scoffed. "Definitely not. If we'd be anyone from Shakespeare's world, it'd be Beatrice and Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing, because of our joking around and battle of wits."

Warmth spread through my chest at a memory from so long ago. A text that I'd sent him on the last morning before everything went to shit.

"I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest." I quoted from the play.

James' gaze softened. "You remembered."

I stepped toward him and took his hand. "I never forgot."

* * *

 **Done! So this chapter was pretty much another Kames-fest. But we also had an appaearance from Camille and Joel, as well as the reveal that Kendall has become close with Daniel.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up, but I plan on having it up before the weekend is over. :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter time!**

 **Before we get started, I would like thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to RainbowDiamonds, Side1ways, winterschild11, Guest, and annabellex2 for reviewing!**

 **I'm sure this chapter will make a certain someone very happy. You know who you are. :P**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I stayed the rest of the work day with James, sitting in his classes as he lectured about Tartuffe and prepared the kids for an upcoming quiz. So much was on my mind, mainly the decisions that I needed to make. The incident with the house earlier kind of knocked me off my axis, deterring me from the path I'd been taking.

I wasn't quite back at square one, but I was pretty damn close to it.

 _What ifs_ fluttered through my head in an endless torrent.

What if I accepted this as my last season with the Mavericks and officially retired from hockey? I could still do modeling and anything else on the side. What if I left the bigger city life behind and moved back to Willow? I could live in Grandpa Bill's house, just like I knew he'd want me to.

What if my life with James, along with the happiness we'd found over this past month, could last forever? We could finally have the life we'd always wanted.

Sadness coursed through me as I thought about my life without hockey, though. It was a huge part of me. It'd be like a musician completely giving up on music, an artist laying down his brush for good, or a writer laying their pen to rest, never to weave another tale.

That's what giving up hockey felt like to me. I could live without it, but a piece of my heart would leave too.

"Kendall?"

I looked up to see Daniel standing in the doorway to the English classroom. School had just ended a few minutes before, and it was only me and James left in the room.

"Hey, kid." I said, walking over to him. "What's up?"

"I was wondering...and it's only if you're not busy or anything...but I wanted to know if you'd be okay with helping me train today?" Daniel fiddled with his hands, and he wasn't looking me in the eye. I got the impression he was used to adults letting him down. "I know hockey season is over, but I've been hitting the workout room daily, practicing for next year."

James packed up his messenger bag, putting folders of papers he needed to grade in it before closing the flap. He smiled at me and gave me a quick nod, as if to encourage me to do it.

"Sure." I said, clapping Daniel on the back. He'd told me before that he wanted to continue hockey in college and aim for the pros one day. "It's never too early to prepare for the college scouts. Work on putting together your game film. They're already looking at potential candidates, so now's the time."

"Awesome." He beamed at me before nervously moving his fingers through his black hair. "I just want to make senior year great, you know? To get into a good college and get out of this town."

Daniel reminded me so much of myself that I was momentarily taken aback. There was pain behind his words, as if it wasn't just a desire to get out of this town, but a desperation to escape something within it.

"I'll do all I can to help you, kid." I looked at James. "You want to work out with us?"

"No, thanks." James replied, placing the strap of his bag over his shoulder and walking out of the classroom with us. "I need to grade these assignments. You guys have fun."

Daniel started heading down the hall, and I regarded James.

His expressive hazel eyes held my gaze, and even though no words were spoken, I felt an indescribable love deep within my chest. He softly smiled, as did I, before I turned to catch up with Daniel.

"Does your coach not stay after school to help you guys train?" I asked as we entered the locker room. I kept a bag of gym clothes in my car and had brought them in to change into.

"Sometimes." Daniel answered, going to his locker to change. "He sorta doesn't care about us."

"What do you mean?" I pulled on some basketball shorts and a black shirt before sitting on the bench and tying my sneakers.

"He's old and his heart isn't in it." He closed his locker before sitting beside me and putting on his shoes. "It's sorta hard to be passionate about the game when your own coach doesn't give a fuck."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I said, hating that for him and the rest of the guys.

We stood and left the locker room. The weight room was just on the other side of the door, so we went inside and started stretching.

"So how long have you and Mr. Diamond been friends?" Daniel asked as we warmed up.

"Since we were five." I answered, smiling as I thought back to how I'd stolen James' crayon in kindergarten. "We grew up together. People started calling us the twins because we were always together. No matter where he was, I was there too."

Daniel's brow crinkled as he stretched his hamstrings. "So why did you guys stop talking?"

Regret stabbed into my chest, just like it always did at the mention of mine and James' falling out.

"We just went different paths, I guess." Before I let myself travel down that treacherous road again, I changed the subject. "That's enough warming up for now. Let's go and work on some drills."

However, Daniel didn't let the subject drop that easy.

"Was is because he's gay?" He asked, standing up and placing the weights back on the rack.

"What? No." I hadn't known James' students knew his sexuality. He'd told me he'd come out to his parents, which had filled me with guilt at the thought of him going through that alone when it was something that I had promised him we would do together, but I didn't know the whole town knew. "Why did you ask?"

"I don't know." Daniel said with a shrug. "People here talk, you know? And not all of them are as open-minded about things. Mostly older people." He looked at me, and the intense hurt in his eyes made my stomach turn. "My dad likes to have his friends over a lot, especially on game days, because they all sit around his huge flat-screen TV. Doesn't matter if it's hockey or baseball, just as long as it's sports and they can drink and pig out. He's a huge fan of yours."

I wasn't sure what exactly he was getting at, but I understood his need to talk to someone. It was clear in his posture and the defeated look in his dark eyes.

"He wasn't too happy that you joined the Mavericks." Daniel added with a humorless laugh. "But he uses you as an example to me, telling me that someone from our small town made it all the way to the pros, so I need to do the same."

"You can." I said, squeezing his shoulders. "But only if that's what _you_ want to do. Don't live your life to please others."

"I want to." Daniel said. "It's just...I don't know. You remember when that one baseball player came out a year or so ago? My dad went totally off the deep end, cursing and saying really awful things about him. He says bad things about Mr. Diamond too, which is how I found out he's gay. Dad said all gay people should be banned because we, um, they're against nature. They don't belong."

Yeah, I didn't miss his slip-up.

I was at a major crossroads right then. Daniel had basically told me he's gay and was afraid of his dad, afraid of coming out, especially in the world of sports. I wanted to reassure him, to tell him to be himself and forget about everyone else. But how could I give him advice on the matter, when I was still hiding who _I_ was?

"I'm sorry." Daniel said, shaking his head. "That was a lot to lay on you. Um, let's go practice."

"Wait." I reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him from walking away. "I didn't leave James because he's gay. In fact...I…" Fuck. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't make them come out. I wanted to tell Daniel the truth about me, because I _knew_ that information would help him, but I was still too much of a coward. "I left because I got a better offer. Him being gay had nothing to do with it."

"How many active players do you know who are out?" He asked, not looking hopeful.

"None." I said, hating the way his face fell at my answer. "All of the guys I know who are only came out after their contracts were up."

Daniel nodded. "That's what I thought."

"You know you can talk to me, right?" I said. "If there's something going on at home, or whatever, you can talk to me about it."

"I really just want to practice." He responded, heading for the door.

"Okay." I followed him outside.

The sun was bright, but not too hot when combined with the slight chill in the air. A few other guys on the hockey team were on the field going over drills before practicing them on the ice, and at our approach, they jogged over and high-fived me. I loved seeing them out there. With the season over, it really showed who was the most dedicated on the team.

Years ago, that'd been me. Every chance I got, I'd been out there working on drills, pushing myself farther and farther, knowing that hockey was all I'd wanted to do with my life. And I wasn't going to give that dream up for anything.

 _Or anyone._

"Is it okay if we join?" One of the other players asked. "It's not every day we can get tips from a pro."

I looked at Daniel to get his okay since he'd been the one to ask me first.

"Sounds great." Daniel said, sending a smile my way for getting his okay. "We can work on some new plays for next season."

There weren't enough guys to make two fulls teams, but we made it work. We spent the next hour and a half practicing. The kids were excited, and a little nervous at first, to be working with me. After a while, though, they stopped with the nerves and star struck looks and really got their heads into the game.

Honestly, I loved it. I'd never known that teaching could be so much fun. And rewarding.

There was one play that I had the guys run several times, and the first time they got it down, the sheer expression of joy and pride on their faces touched something in my chest. Like I was really making a difference in their lives.

I wondered if that was how James felt with his students.

Afterward, I walked with Daniel to the parking lot. I wanted to say more about what we'd been discussing earlier, but I was at a loss for words. I couldn't come out to him and say it was okay to be yourself, when I hadn't done the same in my own life.

To the world, I was still the guy who was hooking up with the hottest female model in the industry.

"Thanks for everything today, Kendall." Daniel said once at his truck. "It really meant a lot to me and to all the other guys too. You're a cool guy."

"No problem." A thought struck me as I walked toward my car, and I turned back to him. "Let me see your phone." With his confusion on display, he handed me his phone. I plugged in my number before handing it back to him. "If you ever need to talk, about anything, give me a call, okay?"

He nodded. "Thanks. I will."

When I got home, I called James and asked if he'd come over.

After the talk with Daniel, I felt like the worst person in the world. I didn't deserve to be comforted, but I needed it. He must've sensed something in my voice, because he agreed without hesitation, even though he had a lot of papers to grade.

He dropped it all for me.

Once James walked through the door, I pulled him into my arms and buried my face in his hair. And just like that, the broken pieces inside of me started to mend.

* * *

When March arrived, I realized just how comfortable I'd been in mine and Kendall's relationship. Way too comfortable. It was hard not to be.

Kendall had been my best friend ever since kindergarten. We'd grown up together, and as our hormones started raging as teens, we'd experimented with each other, only to discover that we were two halves of the same whole. Soulmates.

With him back in Willow, with us spending all sorts of time together this past month, I'd let my guard down, the one that used to remind me of how temporary all of this was.

But as he sat across from me at the table that Sunday morning, laughing as he told me a story about his friend Dak during some after-party they'd attended, I knew I wouldn't have given him up for anything.

Even if I only had him for one more week, one more day, one more second...it'd be worth it just to know a world where he was with me.

"And then the drunk asshole fell into the pool, taking me with him." Kendall continued before finishing off his coffee. He stood and grabbed his cup before looking down at mine and grabbing it as well. "I'll pour us another cup."

I watched the muscles in his back flex as he walked to the coffee pot, and the view caused heat to spread to my groin.

I felt like a teenager all over again with my near constant state of horniness. Kendall just had to enter the room, and I'd instantly sport a hard-on, like he was the Boner Whisperer or something.

"I need to tell you something." Kendall said, and his voice lacked the playfulness he'd had from his story. He carried our coffees back to the table, placing mine in front of me before taking a seat.

The sudden seriousness put a stop to my lustful thoughts and instead put an anchor in my gut. "Okay."

"I have a photoshoot coming up." He said, looking at me with apprehensive eyes. "I'll have to travel to Florida for a few days."

That was all? Not as bad as I feared.

"Oh, that's cool." I said, lifting my cup to my lips and taking a sip. "When is it?"

"I have to be there on the nineteenth, and it'll only take like a day." Kendall answered. He lightly tapped his fingers on the table. "It's for a line of new swimsuits that's going to be released in May."

I smiled. "So you're going to be all wet and sexed up, modeling a speedo in the ocean?"

Kendall chuckled. "I don't know what I'll be wearing. I just wear whatever they tell me to. But probably."

Tension rolled off him, and I knew there was more he hadn't said yet. Was he about to tell me that he wasn't going to return to Willow after the photoshoot? That he'd just fly back home and jump back into his old life?

"Just spill it, Kendall." I said, tired of guessing. "I can handle it, whatever it is."

 _I hope I can, anyway._

Kendall sucked in a breath before slowly exhaling, rubbing at the back of his head. "I'm not doing the shoot alone. It's with Veronica."

At the mention of her, my scalp prickled and the tops of my ears heated. I _hated_ the spike of jealousy. It was such an unappealing emotion, but it wasn't something I could always control. And the girl hadn't even done anything to me to warrant the feeling.

 _Other than possibly fuck the love of my life. The bitch._

"Babe?" Kendall reached across the table and took my hand in his. "I was afraid to tell you because I know you still think we had something going on, but I swear to you, nothing _has_ and never _will_ happen, between her and me. She's a close friend. Nothing more."

My heart hammered against my ribs, my pulse ran through my veins like fire, and I forced myself to take deep breaths.

"I'm sorry." I finally managed to say, squeezing his hand. "I hate being like this."

I hated that Kendall hanging out with supermodels just made me feel even more insecure. Made me question-again-why he'd want to be with someone as average as me when he could be with them.

"I understand why you're like this, though." He said, focusing on our joined hands. "You're afraid I don't need you anymore because I have everything. But without you, James, I _don't_ have everything. No one compares to you. I wish you'd have more trust in me than that."

I stood and went over to him, turning him to the side so I could kneel between his legs. I pressed my body to his and nuzzled my face in to his neck. His arms came around me, and I breathed in his scent, finding comfort in it.

"I do trust you." I whispered against his skin. "If you say nothing's going on between you and her...I believe you."

"Good." Kendall said, pulling back a little to look at me. He stroked my unshaved jaw before adjusting the glasses on my nose. "Because I want you to go with me."

"What?"

"It's during your spring break, right?" He questioned, moving his hand to my shoulder and tracing the lines of muscle there. I nodded and his smile widened. "We could do my photoshoot and then maybe do some sightseeing before we head home."

My stomach fluttered, and I leaned closer to him. "You said _home_."

Kendall's green-eyed stare didn't leave mine. "Yeah, I did."

I wasn't sure what he meant exactly, but for once, I didn't question him. I pressed my mouth to his, and he opened for me with a soft moan. Our tongues danced, and as the taste of him exploded all around me, I gave in to the feeling. He pulled me from my knees and scooted his chair back before placing me on his lap.

With the new position, I grinded myself up and down his firm body, tangling my hands in his blonde hair as we continued kissing.

This. This was home. In Kendall's arms.

"Make love to me." I whispered against his neck after breaking away from our kiss.

As he picked me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist and held onto his neck. I wasn't exactly light, but he had little trouble holding my weight. He carried me down the short hallway and to my room before laying me on the bed.

I looked up at him and ran my hand along his collarbone, loving the softness of his skin.

He took off my glasses and set them on the nightstand before crawling on top of me and kicking my legs apart.

Unlike the past handful of times Kendall made love to me, this time was tender and slow, taking his time and dragging it out. Time seemed to stop as he drove his hips into me, hitting me in all the right places.

A moment of bliss turned to more. Countless. A sea of moans and sighs.

Sweat coated his chest, and as he moved his body into mine, he hit that sweet spot and I felt myself coming undone.

"Let go, baby." He said, hugging me to his chest as I came apart in his warm embrace.

I shuddered as my orgasm hit me, adding to the slick wetness between our bodies. Only after I'd finished did Kendall let himself fall over that edge too. I held onto him and kissed the side of his head as he filled my ass and groaned.

And what made it even greater was not having to use a condom. We'd both recently been tested, and since we were exclusive, we both agreed it was what we wanted.

Afterward, we peeled apart and showered. He kissed my nape as I stood beneath the water, and I pushed against him, reaching back and holding his side. Nothing happened in the shower, with the exception of intimate kisses and gliding of fingertips across sensitive skin.

Once we were showered, we changed into clean clothes and cuddled on the couch for a lazy Sunday.

We spent an equal amount of time at his house and at mine. In fact, for the past month, we'd spent every night together. It was to the point where he had a stash of clothes at my house and I had a stash at his, along with a spare toothbrush and deodorant, although the jerk had a habit of just using mine.

As we searched for movies to watch, Kendall told me about how his coaching sessions with Daniel and the other hockey guys were going. He'd started regularly working with them after school, two days a week. Sometimes more if the weather was nice. The excitement on his face as he talked about it told me how much he loved coaching them.

He also mentioned how he still hasn't listed Bill's house for sale. That confession made me remember his comment about _home_ earlier. I didn't want to get my hopes up, because it'd hurt way too much if they came crashing down, but maybe he'd decided not to sell the house at all.

"When we're in Florida." Kendall said, draping his arm around my shoulder. "We can stay that whole week, if you want. The shoot will only take a day or so, but we can use it as a mini vacation or something."

"Don't you think people will talk if you bring me along?" I asked, running my fingers up and down his arm. Going to Florida with him was going to be amazing, and I was way more excited than I let show, but people liked to talk. If Kendall showed up with me at his side, then they'd _really_ talk.

"I'll just tell them you're my friend." He answered before pressing his face against my neck. "It's not a big deal."

I stopped caressing his forearm as his words smacked into me like a train. The reality of them.

Even if we _could_ find a way to make our relationship work after he went back to Kansas City...was I really prepared to be some secret he kept locked away? To be _just_ his friend when we went out to dinner or to parties. Would he still flirt with girls to keep the act going and to prevent people from suspecting the truth?

"Do you ever plan to come out, Ken?" I asked, no longer paying attention to the movie on TV.

"Eventaully. But not for a while." He answered after several seconds. I shot him a look and he shook his head. "Don't look at me like that. It's not that simple, James."

"Why not?"

"Because it's just not accepted yet in sports. Okay?" He was visibly frustrated now, and he stood up from the couch. I knew he was _really_ upset when he started pacing. "Don't you think I _want_ to? I've fucking obsessed over it for years. But it's not that cut and dry. Players have only come out _after_ they retired."

"So your plan is to wait until your contract is up?"

Kendall nodded and his gaze burned into mine. "I know it's not what you want to hear, and I know that it's in no way fair to you...but will you wait for me?"

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. We hadn't talked much about our future, and there he was diving right in.

"Yes." I answered. Staying a secret would hurt like hell, but it wouldn't be forever. "It won't be easy. But like an awesome guy once told me, relationships aren't easy. They take effort, and sometimes they're fucking hard. But we have to try."

The tense lines in his face relaxed, and he strode forward, taking my face in his hands. His green eyes staring into mine. No matter how many times I looked into his eyes I felt like I'd get lost in them if I wasn't careful.

"I promise you that one day I will shout to the world how in love with you I am." He said, moving his thumb along my cheek. "Just not now."

I rested my head to his. "Okay."

He had a hold on me that no one else ever had.

Or ever would.

* * *

 **Done! So we got more Kames this chapter, along with a little more of Daniel! It also looks like James it going with Kendall to Florida and will finally meet Veronica!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will be up sometime this week, I'm just not exactly sure when just yet. :P**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It's that time again!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, annabellex2, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James was afraid of flying. He'd never expressed that fear to me before, and it seemed like _he_ hadn't even known about it until we were sitting on the plane, waiting for it to take off.

"Fuck, I'm going to puke. Or have a panic attack. Or die." James said, holding my hand so tight that the circulation was being cut off. "Probably all three in that order."

"Relax. I've flown countless times and nothing bad has ever happened." I tried to reassure him. "Breathe, James."

We were in first class, so we weren't too crowded, which I was thankful for. Being surrounded by a lot of people would've only enhanced James' anxiety and feeling of being trapped.

"I need a drink. Or five." He said before deeply inhaling and slowly exhaling. His hand still squeezed mine.

"Once the plane is in the air, you can have as many drinks as you want."

"That doesn't exactly help me now, Sherlock." He snapped, closing his eyes and leaning his head back on the seat.

I tried to suppress a smile, but he was just too fucking adorable when he was grumpy and I ended up smiling anyway.

"Is he okay?" The stewardess asked me, motioning to the still anxious James to my right.

"Yeah, he'll be fine." I answered. "This is his first time flying. When you can, will you bring him a strong drink, please?"

"Of course, Mr. Knight." She answered. She sent a sympathetic smile James' way before her stare briefly flickered to our joined hands and she walked down the aisle.

As horrible as it was, I had the urge to jerk out of his hold once I noticed her stare. But I didn't. He needed me too much. It was a painful dose of reality, though.

With Jett, I'd never held his hand in public-never even had the desire to-so hiding my sexuality had been hard, but not really painful. He meant very little to me, so keeping him secret hadn't affected me one way or the other.

Hiding James, though? I hated it, and I could only imagine what he was feeling.

I hated feeling like I couldn't hold his hand on a plane in fear of how others would perceive it. I hated not being able to pull him into my arms whenever I wanted, just to give him a light kiss or just to feel his heartbeat against mine.

"Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." James said once the plane prepared for takeoff.

"This is the scariest part." I told him, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

Yeah, I failed to mention that landing kind of sucked too, but we'd get there when it was time. No sense in freaking him out even more at the moment.

"I don't know if I can do this, Kendall." James opened his eyes and frantically looked out the small window beside him. I'd tried telling him the window seat wasn't the best idea since he was already anxious, but he hadn't listened to me.

"Babe." I said, not giving a fuck if someone heard me call him that. "Look at me." His hazel eyes found mine, and the fear reflected in them was like a stab to the gut. "You're okay. We're okay."

"But what if an engine fails?" He asked as his hands started shaking. "What if-"

"Don't think about that." I interjected, holding both of his hands now. "Recite Shakespeare."

"Huh?" In that moment, his confusion outweighed his fear.

Good. I was already working.

Kendall Knight: the master of distraction.

"Act one, scene one of The Tempest." I said, not taking my eyes off him. When we were in high school, James liked to randomly break out into quotes from his favorite Shakespeare plays. When he got nervous, he did the same. The Tempest was one he really enjoyed. "The play begins with a raging storm on the sea and men are freaking out on the ship. What happens next?"

James swallowed and his gaze started to dart back to the window, but I took hold of his chin and turned his face back to me.

"Jay? What happens next?" I repeated.

"The master calls to the boatswain." He answered in a shaky tone. "But a sorcerer was using illusion and magic to conjure the storm, therefore, the ship was already doomed."

He continued telling me the events of the play as the plane started moving. He didn't let go of my hands, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he talked faster. When he would stop talking, I'd ask him another question. Just as I suspected, once the plane was in the air, he relaxed a little.

The stewardess brought him a drink, and he took it. He usually wasn't really a drinker, but he clearly needed it.

"Thank you." He said after we'd been traveling for a few minutes. "Sorry I freaked out."

"It's okay." I said, nudging his shoulder with mine. "Flying is actually fun once you get used to it."

"Not sure I'll ever be _that_ comfortable." James replied with a chuckle. "But it's not as bad as what I made it out to be."

"It'll all be worth it once we get there." I said, pressing my leg to his. It was a subtle movement that no one around would think twice about, but I needed to feel closer to him.

Surprisingly, he ended up falling asleep on the plane, and he didn't freak out at all when we landed in Florida.

We were staying at a luxury resort, and once we were off the plane, a car picked us up at the airport to take us there. The photoshoot was taking pace at Cape Florida beach on Key Biscayne, which was only seven or so minutes from the hotel. We'd arrived a day early, so we could relax before I had to work.

As we drove through the town, I took in the sights, but none were as breathtaking as James. His face lit up as he looked out the window, and his excitement enhanced my own.

I'd traveled to countless places-for hockey games, vacations, and for modeling gigs-so I was used to the glamor of it all. However, I had to remind myself that James had never left home. He'd told me that the farthest he'd ever traveled was to go to Missouri a handful of times over the years, which was only about three hours from Willow.

So all of this was new for him.

I made a mental note to spoil the hell out of him from now on. I had more money than I even knew what to do with, and I could think of nothing better than to spend it on him. Not just on this trip, but on all the others I planned to take him on in the future. Because I refused to let go of him ever again.

Even when my season with the Mavericks started up again in a few months, I had faith we'd make it work between us.

When the car got to the hotel, the driver helped us unload our luggage, and I paid him a very generous tip for his help.

"Wow." James said as he looked toward the entrance. "Do you always stay in such fancy places?"

"Maybe." I smirked before nodding ahead and grabbing my bag. "Come on."

XxX

The resort captured the essence of a tropical island with the most beautiful sparkling blue water and white coral sand beaches. Our hotel room had a balcony that overlooked the ocean, plus a floor to ceiling window on the other side of the room that gave the same breathtaking view.

James was sitting on the balcony, wearing sunglasses, no shirt, and looking fucking delicious. The breeze coming off the water ruffled his hair a little bit, and he tilted his head back, soaking up the sun.

"What's the plan for today?" He asked, not moving from his spot.

"Well, the shoot isn't until tomorrow." I answered, walking closer and kneeling beside his chair. We had a corner room, and it was more secluded than others. I doubted anyone could see us. I leaned forward and gently flicked my tongue over his nipple. "We can do whatever we want."

James shuddered and gripped my hair before running his hand down to the center of my back. "Mmm. I wonder how we can pass the time."

It didn't take us long to figure it out. I lay on top of him, moving my body on his sun-warmed skin. He smelled like coconut from his tanning lotion and berries from the fruit he'd been eating earlier.

After making out on the balcony, we moved to the bedroom and collapsed together on the soft mattress. Fuck. It was a rare kind of heaven, being entwined with James. Each kiss was with purpose, each touch was beyond the physical.

"I want you to fuck me." I said as he kissed down my chest.

His hazel eyes flashed to mine as a smile lifted the corners of his mouth. "I can do that."

Even though I loved topping, I really enjoyed bottoming for him too. Since we'd gotten back together, I'd done it more and more. It was an equal give and take between us. Exactly how I liked it.

We spent the following three hours in bed, and by the time we finally entangled from each other, the sun was setting. And it was a gorgeous sunset. The water looking like it was on fire as areas of the now dark water were glowing with various shades of orange.

"I'm starving." James said after we'd showered. He grabbed a shirt, and I got a glimpse of the sexy V-lines disappearing beneath his jeans before he pulled it on.

Unable to stop myself, I tugged him to my chest and kissed him. Maybe because I knew once we left the privacy of the room, I wouldn't be able to hold or kiss him until we were alone again. Not without outing myself to everyone, including all the paparazzi who were more than likely waiting in the hotel lobby to catch a glimpse of me and Veronica, who was arriving later tonight.

"I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be." I whispered in his ear, still holding him close. "I know that it hurts, but I swear it won't be forever."

James kissed the base of my throat before running the tip of his nose up the side of my neck and to my ear, sending shivers along my skin. "I'm not going anywhere, Ken. Coming out is scary. It sure as hell was when I did it, and I just came out to my parents and a few college friends. You have to come out to the whole damn world. It's not fair, but it is what it is."

I did my best to push down the discomfort I felt at the thought of him having to go through coming out alone as we took the elevator down to the ground floor before going toward the restaurant in the back. There were a few restaurants, one for more seafood type dishes, one to get burgers, and the other was Mexican food. In the mood for fajitas and margaritas, we decided on the latter.

It was an outside dining experience. A thatched palapa roof covered the tables and tiki torches, fire pits, and plush lounge chairs were placed throughout. With the setting sun, it couldn't have been a more perfect time to eat out there either. The oceanfront view, picturesque decor, and Caribbean type atmosphere made it both elegant and serene.

And just like earlier, the beautiful scenery was forgotten as I looked at James.

Instead of his glasses, he'd chosen to wear contacts, which gave me a better view of his gorgeous hazel eyes and long, dark lashes around them. His hair was swooped a bit on top, giving him that messy bedhead look that seemed to be the 'in style' with most fashion models these days. He looked better than them all, in my opinion. He wore shorts that showed his sexy, lean and toned calves and a short sleeved button up shirt that was made casual with it hanging open and revealing the simple white shirt underneath.

The waiter came right over to take our drink order, and even though he tried to hide it, I saw how excited the guy was to see me.

"What can I get for you and your friend, Mr. Knight?" He asked with a huge, welcoming smile. He looked to be younger than me, so probably twenty-one or just a year or two older than that. Or perhaps his wide-eyed innocence just made him appear that way. "We have many drink specials, but we're known for our tequila."

I ordered us the house special for the night, and once the waiter walked away, I leaned in toward James.

"This is sort of our first official date since we've been back together, huh?" I said, fighting the urge to reach across the table and take his hand.

"Yeah, it is." James agreed before narrowing his brow. "We've been together for over a month and you're just now taking me out somewhere nice. You have a lot of catching up to do, Knight."

Unlike when Jett used to say shit like that, I knew James was just playing around. The amount of money I had meant nothing to him. Our bond went way back before any of that anyway.

"The nerve of me, right?" I responded.

James grinned in response.

We ordered fajitas, and over dinner, we talked about anything and everything. Just anything that popped into our heads. It was freeing in ways I couldn't even describe.

Talking to James-getting into that sexy, intelligent mind of his-was an experience all of its own. He told me about plans he had for his English classes next year, introducing them to more classic works and learning about all the different literary periods. And yeah, he totally nerded out as he explained it all.

"I've been thinking about what I want to do after my contract is up." I said after wiping my mouth with the cloth napkin. James looked at me with a somewhat anxious expression. "I want to move into Grandpa's house."

I had thought about it over the past several weeks, and I kept coming back to that one decision. Sure, I liked living in Kansas City, but it was just a house. Just a town like any other.

But with James? I had a home.

"What about Kansas City?" He asked, truly surprised, as if he couldn't believe I'd chosen a life with him over one that got way too lonely, even while I was surrounded by crowds of people. "Willow is nothing compared to that."

"That's not true." I held his gaze, wishing he could feel what I felt deep in my chest. If he could, he would never question my decision to stay with him ever again. "You're there."

James didn't say anything at first, but various emotions flickered across his face. Shock, joy, and even a little sadness.

"So...this is really happening?" He asked. "You and me. A real future together."

I nodded, closely watching him. I was sure to anyone on the outside looking in, we'd probably look like we were having an argument by how serious we both were.

"I don't know what I'll do career wise." I said, feeling a stirring of nerves at the thought of not having something to fall back on. "But what I _do_ know? I'm tired of living a huge life that seems so small because you aren't with me. It's lonely, and although it can be incredible at times, at the end of the day, most people only want me because of what I represent and don't actually want me for _me_."

James took a drink before looking down at the table, visibly mulling something around in his head. Then, he looked back at me.

"I don't want you giving up hockey, Ken. If the Mavericks don't extend your contract, stay in as a free agent and maybe some other team will pick you up." The seriousness in his eyes was reflected in his tone as well. "I want you to live in Willow more than anything, but you don't have to give up your dream to do it."

I saw his yearning for the kind of life I'd talked about, the kind of life we had planned when we were younger. And yet, he was putting all of that aside because he thought I was giving up something for him. Maybe I was. Hockey meant a lot to me, and I'd fucking miss it.

 _But I'd miss him more._

"Let's talk about it later, okay?" I said, trying to lighten the mood. "Tonight, I just want us to enjoy ourselves and live in the moment."

James smiled. "Agreed."

After we'd eaten, we went over to the lounge area and drank a few margaritas. With the sound of the surf up ahead, as well as the soft music playing from the back patio, it was romantic and absolutely perfect. Well, it would've been perfect if I could've held him while we enjoyed it all, but just being beside him was enough for now.

A perfect date, followed by an even more amazing night.

* * *

I awoke to the sound of waves and a warm body wrapped around mine. The sun streamed in through the balcony doors and a light breeze blew the white see-through curtains that hung around the doorframe.

Kendall sighed in his sleep and pulled me closer to him, my back to his chest. His left leg was over mine and his right arm was under me. I couldn't escape even if I wanted to, which I didn't. Not in a million years.

After we'd gotten back to the room the night before, we had went and sat out on the balcony and talked more about what we'd started to at dinner. He seemed set on moving to Willow. And it wasn't as if he couldn't still play hockey if he moved there. He'd be gone a lot, sure, but we'd make the time when he was able to come home worth it.

He could keep his luxurious house in Overland Park to stay when he had to be in Kansas City, and during his offseason he could stay in Willow, with both of us flying back and forth in between to see each other, even if it was just for a weekend. That way, he could still do what he loved, and we could be together.

A compromise, which was important in order to make relationships work.

I tried not to obsess over the fact that there'd be more days I _didn't_ see him than days that I did, with the exception of his offseason which lasted three months. Four tops. I tried not to think about his side of the bed being cold because he wasn't lying beside me during most nights in the summer, fall, and some of winter.

I knew Kendall was awake when his breathing changed, and his arms tightened around me. He pressed a kiss to my nape before slowly moving his hips forward.

I grinned against the pillow. "Good morning."

In one swift movement, Kendall moved me onto my stomach and pushed my legs apart with his knee, lying on top of me. His hard dick poked against my ass, causing my own to stiffen. Morning sex was like a ritual with us. It'd been that way when we were teenagers, and it was still the case.

I pushed backward, rubbing my ass on his cock. Teasing him.

Kendall growled before biting at the back of my neck. "I'm gonna fuck you into this mattress. Would you like that?"

God. I loved when he talked like that. He had a passionate love making side, and then he had a wild, animalistic, rough fucking side that thrilled me just as much.

I felt his weight shift off me as he leaned over to the bedside table, but then he was back in place and running a lubed finger across my hole. I was still a little stretched from the night before, so it didn't take him long to get me ready and aching for the rest of him.

"Fuuuuck." He said on a breathy gasp as he breached me. He gripped the front of my hip and propped me up an inch or so on the bed before moving farther.

It stung a little before I moaned with the pleasure of it, of being filled so completely.

I hung my head forward on the pillow, but Kendall wasn't having that. He grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my head back up before gently grabbing my throat, still fucking me. I braced myself on the dipping mattress with my other arm and shifted more to my knees.

"Mmm. Fuck me, Ken." The feel of him driving ito me was intoxicating. I needed more. I needed all he had to offer. "Harder."

My dick hardened even more as Kendall fucked me deeper. I reached down and started jerking myself. I groaned as I worked my tip before stroking my pulsing shaft.

"I love when you touch yourself." He grunted in the sexiest lust driven tone, holding me in place as he glided in and out of my tight heat.

Kendall quickened his pace when my moans became a slur of intelligible words. His groans added to the chorus of mine, and his balls slapped against my ass faster. When he gripped the side of my hips and pounded into me harder, the hold on my orgasm slipped and I cried out as wave after wave of pleasure crashed into me.

His fingers dug into my sides as he began to lose his rhythm. "God damn, James. I-" His words were cut off by a drawn-out moan as he let go of his release.

Kendall collapsed beside me on the bed before pulling me back into his arms. We lay there, trying to catch our breaths and come down from the clouds he'd shot us to.

"Now _that's_ what I call a good morning wake-up call." He said in a husky tone.

I laughed. "You're such a dork."

"You love me, though." He leaned forward and kissed my shoulder blade, letting his lips liner on my skin a moment before pulling away.

"Yeah, I do." I flipped to my other side, watching as he got off the bed and walked toward the bathroom, still naked and sexy as hell. "What time is the shoot today?"

"Noon-ish." He answered as he opened the closet and grabbed a shirt and shorts. His green eyes focused on mine as a sly grin spread across his handsome face. "Wanna take a shower?"

I looked at the clock by the bed. "It's already after ten. If we get in that shower together, there's no way you'll be on time."

"Fine." He said with a pout before walking into the bathroom, leaving the door open. The shower started seconds later, and I heard the water hit the curtain as he stepped inside the tub. "Hey, Jay?"

"Yeah?" I stayed on the bed, not wanting to let go of the post-orgasm haze just yet.

"I want you to meet Veronica before the shoot." He said, and I didn't miss the hesitance in his voice. "That way when we're shooting together, you'll know it's just work and not...well, you know."

I had tried to put it out of my mind that their photoshoot would more than likely be very intimate, but having him basically verify it caused that damn spike of jealousy again. I'd thought I would just stay in the hotel while he worked and just see him after. But he really wanted me to go, and I didn't want to disappoint him.

Dammit.

"Jay?"

"Okay." I said, sitting up and rubbing the back of my neck. I walked into the bathroom and pulled back the curtain. Shit, Kendall was too beautiful. The way the water rolled down his toned body and glistened on his skin, how it darkened his blond hair a little. I nearly forgot why I even went in there. "Guess I'll take that shower after all."

He smirked and stepped back to make room for me. "I'll keep my hands to myself. Mostly."

Right after I stepped inside, his arms came around my waist, and he kissed down the back of my neck.

"Liar." I said.

Kendall answered me with an adorably sexy laugh, and just like that, I didn't think about anything other than how amazing it felt to love and be loved in return.

* * *

 **Done! So this is the first part of Kames' vacation, which will take place over the course of the next few chapters.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter, James will finally meet Veronica! I'm hoping to have that up soon, so hopefully you all won't have too long of a wait for that.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hello again everyone! So, I was originally planning on waiting until this weekend to post this, but...here we are! :P**

 **Before we get started, I would like to give a huge thank you to everyone that read last chapter! I would also love to give a huge thank you to Guest, winterschild11, Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, and annabellex2 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Veronica was staying in the nicest suite in the hotel, one with an oceanfront view, living area, and one and a half bathrooms. Not surprising. Models were usually spoiled and demanding, and I knew this supermodel from the UK with her fucking perfect hair and body wouldn't be any different.

And yeah. Maybe I was judging her way before I knew her, but whatever.

"Can you at least _try_ not to look like you're going to kill her?" Kendall asked as we approached her room. "V is an amazing friend."

"You call her _V_ , huh?"

"Stop." He said with a laugh. "As much as I'm kinda enjoying this jealous side of you, it's misplaced in her."

He knocked on the door and, not even five seconds later, it opened to reveal the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my life.

I'd seen pictures of her before, but she was even more stunning in person, which was rare for the modeling world where Photoshop was a model's best friend. She had flowing, wavy blond hair, blue eyes, and the kind of natural beauty that didn't really require any makeup. Even dressed in a simple pair of shorts that showcased her long, tanned legs and a pink tank top that pronounced her-probably fake-boobs, she looked like she was ready for the runway.

"Kenny!" Veronica exclaimed before throwing her arms around him. "I missed you!"

She seriously called him Kenny? What the hell? _V_ and _Kenny_.

Damn pet names.

After their hug, she welcomed us inside and closed the door. Her suite was even fancier than I assumed it'd be. Very open and bright, with floor to ceiling windows to give the most spectacular views of the ocean, a large balcony that could've probably hosted up to fifteen or so people, a bedroom with a king size bed, and a separate sitting room.

"V, this is James." Kendall said, placing his hand at the small of my back. "My boyfriend."

It was one of the first times he'd ever called me that, and I inwardly melted. And then it hit me that she knew he was gay. He'd actually told someone. He had failed to mention that to me, and it made me wonder what else he hadn't said.

"It's very nice to meet you." Veronica said, stepping forward to embrace me. Barefoot, she was as tall as me. She was like a super sexy Amazon warrior or something.

"You too." I said returning her hug.

After meeting her and seeing how she was with Kendall, the red flags that labeled her as a threat slowly started disappearing. They weren't completely gone, but they were significantly lessened.

"We need to go." Veronica said, lightly touching Kendall's forearm. "A car is waiting downstairs." Eh. The arm touching brought some of the threat back. She looked at me. "You're joining us, right?"

"Yeah." I answered, shoving my hands in my pockets. Awkward didn't even begin to describe how I felt.

She grabbed her sunglasses and slipped on a pair of stiletto heels before we left her room. As we walked down the hallway, she chatted about her trip from London to Florida, and some crazy fan that had ambushed her at the airport.

Kendall told her about my freak-out on the plane, and instead of laughing at me like I'd expected, she looped her arm through mine and told me about _her_ first plane experience where she vomited all over the seat in front of her.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about, love." She said, still holding my arm as if I was her escort. "Oh, and during my first show, another one of the models loosened the heel of my stiletto, so as I was walking down the runway, it popped off and I fell face first in front of all the cameras and viewers. Well, it wasn't _proven_ that she loosened it, but the bitch was a jealous hag who was mad that I'd taken her spot for Chanel."

Kendall walked on my other side, so I was in the middle. Which was...also unexpected. I thought I'd be the third-wheel between them and be ignored most of the time, but Veronica talked my ear off and seemed sincerely interested in what I had to say.

"You teach high school English, right?" She asked once we got out of the elevator and were walking through the lobby. She continued holding my arm, and some of the people around us did a double take once they recognized who she was. Then, they pulled out their phones and pointed them our way.

"Yep." I answered in a tight tone, feeling suddenly nauseous. I wasn't used to the attention.

When we got outside, there was a car waiting for us. The windows were tinted and a driver stood on the sidewalk, moving to open the door to the backseat. Veronica got in first, then me, and Kendall last.

Once inside the privacy of the car, Kendall rested his hand on my knee. He said something to Veronica, and she answered, but all I focused on was the comfort of his touch. It was as if he knew I was freaking out on the inside, and it was just second nature for him to reach out to me.

As we drove, I gazed out of the window in awe. Florida was beautiful. Yeah, it was way more crowded than I was used to back in Willow, but it had a nice charm to it. At least the areas I'd seen anyway.

The location was only a few minutes away, so the drive didn't take too long.

Right when the car pulled into the lot, a crew was waiting for us. Well, waiting for them. Veronica was ushered off to a huge tent set up on the beach, where I guessed she'd be dolled up and dressed for the shoot.

Kendall was taken to a different tent, and I followed close behind him. Some woman with dark hair and a too serious expression was at his side, talking really fast and giving him instructions.

"Kelly." He said, putting his hand up. "Take a breath. Relax. Everything's fine. This isn't my first rodeo."

Ah, his agent. He'd told me about her before.

The makeup and hair teams got a hold of him right when we entered the tent. They guided him to a chair and sat him down. Someone dabbed foundation on his nose and cheeks before smoothing it in. They didn't spend too much time putting makeup on him, only adding a layer of foundation, a bit of concealer, and a little blush before handing him off to the hair person.

Kendall looked over at me as the man doing his hair ran some product through the top of it. He lifted his brows and stuck his tongue out, making me snort out a laugh. He was such a goofball.

"Who are you again?" Kelly asked, narrowing her eyes slightly at me as if she'd just now noticed I existed. "Oh, right! You're the friend. Please try not to touch anything, okay? The equipment is expensive."

 _The friend._

"Kelly." Kendall said, all traces of the humor he'd previously had was nowhere to be seen. "James isn't five."

"Sorry! I'm so sorry." She said before sighing. "I swear, I'm not usually like this. These things just always stress me out."

"Then just relax and take a chill pill." Kendall said before the hair stylist grabbed his head and turned it back the other way. He hadn't said it in a harsh way. Just in a Kendall way.

Kelly became less stressed, though, so it worked.

After his hair was done, some woman instructed Kendall to undress, and I was a bit caught off guard by it. He stripped down in front of like seven people...like completely naked. He didn't look embarrassed or anything either. That same woman then handed him a pair of swimming shorts.

My mouth watered-and my pants became a little tight-as he put them on. Crazy how Kendall could look just as sexy putting clothes _on_ as he did when taking them off.

The makeup team swarmed Kendall again once he was dressed, touching up areas on his chest and areas on his legs. He was already shaved, but they highlighted parts of him and gave him a sun-kissed glow.

I didn't think he needed any of that, but whatever.

When we left the tent, I breathed in the amazing air, a mix of ocean and coconut.

Cape Florida was known for its beautiful sand, historic lighthouse, and spacious beach, a great alternative for people who wanted a more tranquil beach experience. The area had been closed off because of the photoshoot, but even farther out, I still didn't see many people. Just the scattered couple or two and a handful of families with kids.

It looked like a true paradise as I stood on the shore, overlooking the emerald colored water and admired the bursts of diamonds as the sun hit its surface.

No sight was more beautiful than Kendall approaching me, though. His smile was brighter than a thousand suns and warmed me to the bone.

That warmth dissipated _just_ a little when Veronica approached in her itsy bitsy bikini that left very little to the imagination. Her long blonde hair had a beach-wave to it and her lips looked extra plump and shiny.

The photographer was already set up where he wanted them to pose, and he shouted out some instructions. The rest of the crew acted and helped make his vision possible. I was told to step back and get out of the way, so I moved behind the set.

No one was rude to me. Just busy, and I understood that.

Jealousy aside, the shoot was interesting-and yeah, fucking sexy-to watch. Kendall stood facing the camera with an 'I'm going to fuck you senseless' expression and Veronica hung off him. After a few frames, they shifted a little.

His arm rested on her lower back as she bent back a little, arching her back.

"Face him." The photographer said, still looking into his lens. Veronica did as he said. Their sides were camera, so there was good view of both of them. The bathing suits were on display, as well as the gorgeous scenery behind them. "Beautiful."

Kendall wrapped his arms around her and a few shots were taken with them staring into each other's eyes. Veronica turned her face toward the camera, and Kendall continued looking at her before leaning forward and resting his forehead on the side of her face.

Fuck. It looked so intimate. And if I didn't know any better, I'd say they actually looked like they were in love. Well, in lust at least.

No wonder rumors were spread about them being a couple. Their chemistry was on fire.

However, the jealousy was no longer that strong. I knew how Kendall felt about me, and there wasn't a doubt in my mind about us. Even as I watched him get cozy with someone else.

As the photographer gave Veronica some direction, Kendall looked at me. His brows were pulled together. I smiled in an attempt to help ease his worry. He mirrored my smile, and it seemed to add to his confidence, as if he'd been holding back before that point.

Not wanting to distract him anymore, I decided to walk the shoreline, going toward the lighthouse on the opposite end.

Everything was so peaceful there, and I felt a kind of happiness deep within my soul that I'd never felt before. Maybe it was because the uncertainty and worries and anxiety I'd previously had was washed away, like the tide coming ashore had seeped into me as well and took away my worries.

Kendall and I were together and we had a plan for our future. And while he wasn't open about us yet, that was only temporary.

I didn't mind waiting for him.

Once I was at the lighthouse, I turned back around and looked at Kendall on the beach. He was too far for me to see him clearly, but I didn't have to. Even with the distance between us, my heart felt whole.

* * *

The past had a way of coming back and biting you in the ass. That was a hard lesson I'd learned. First with the fallout with James, that we were thankfully now over and had moved on from. But then there was another piece of my past that I wasn't exactly proud of.

Jett. The guy was a lot more persistent than I'd believe.

What sucked more was I never told James about him. I hadn't seen a reason to. Jett was just some dude I'd casually fucked for a few months. We had hung out at my place and sometimes at his, but we'd never been a real couple. At least not to me. There wasn't a point in rehashing that to James. It wouldn't do anything but create conflict between us, and we'd been through enough drama to last a lifetime.

I didn't want to do anything to fuck it up with James. Not when I just got him back.

So when I got a text from Jett later that day, after the photoshoot, I was more than a little agitated.

 _Jett: I saw all over Twitter that you're in Florida and some asshole guy is with you._

I hadn't really checked my social media in two days, so I clicked the app and scrolled through it. At first, I saw a lot of posts from Dak, and I smiled at seeing them. He and Stephanie looked really happy as hey vacationed in Greece.

I kept scrolling through my feed.

Yep. Sure enough, there were photos taken of me, James, and Veronica from earlier that morning in the hotel lobby, with hashtags like #ModelsInTheWild and headlines like 'Kendall Knight and Supermodel Veronica Castro seen with very attractive unknown friend.' There were even some pictures taken yesterday when James and I had eaten at the Mexican grill.

None were telling that James and I were together. We'd both been careful not to hint at anything in public. But Jett clearly suspected.

 _Me: The only asshole in this equation is you. Why the fuck are you even texting me? What I do is none of your damn business._

 _Jett: Enjoy it while you can._

Heat spread to the tips of my ears. He was seriously threatening me? With what?

 _Me: What's that supposed to mean?_

 _Jett: You'll see._

"Everything okay?" James asked, walking up to me. Veronica was beside him.

We'd decided to walk around the beach after the shoot and take a tour of the historic lighthouse. The three of us had laughed and talked a lot, and I'd been relieved to see James and V getting along so well. They talked even more than I did. We ate a late lunch at one of the restaurants nearby and were now getting ready to head back to the hotel. Veronica was heading back to London first thing in the morning.

"Yeah." I answered, putting my phone in my pocket. "Ready to go?"

James wasn't fooled, but he didn't press on me on it.

As we got into the car, I fought waves of apprehension. A prickling traveled along my arms and legs before digging its claws into my nape. A weight settled in the pit of my stomach after reading those texts.

Jett was threatening me, but I had no idea what he planned to do. Maybe they were empty threats, and he was bitter that I was living my life just fine without him.

An idea struck me, and I leaned forward to get the attention of the driver.

"Can you stop at the nearest liquor store, please?"

"Yes, sir." He said before changing his course.

"The liquor store?" James asked, arching a brow.

I looked at Veronica. "Remember when you called me and I said we'd get drunk when we're in the same city again? I'm a man of my word." I put my hand on James' knee and grinned. "And don't worry, babe, I'll get you some apple juice."

"It's not apple juice. It's apple ale." He responded, covering his face with his hands. "God. You're such an ass."

"Only sometimes." I said, winking at Veronica.

"Whoa." She said, putting her hand up. "That's more info that I needed."

After I got the booze, we went to the hotel and up to Veronica's room. Mine and James' room was closer, but hers was a lot fancier and had more space. Not to mention we'd probably get a little loud once we started drinking, and her room was away from everyone.

Keeping my word to V was only half the reason I wanted to drink that night.

The other-and bigger-reason was the fact that I was becoming more and more nervous about the whole Jett ordeal. He was high-maintenance and kinda money grubbing, but I'd never thought he was cruel. Or spiteful.

"Here's to men." Veronica said, holding up her third-fourth?-glass of wine. "And their sticks."

James nearly spit out his drink. Veronica laughed and patted him on the back as he coughed.

"Hell, I'll toast to that." I said before clinking my glass to hers. I already had a couple beers in me at that point, and I was onto my favorite Jack and Coke combo. So feeling buzzed and not giving a fuck about anything, I leaned over and kissed James. Fuck he tasted good. "But your stick is my favorite."

"Um...thanks?" He chuckled.

"You guys are so cute." Veronica said, watching us with a dreamy expression. We were on the small loveseat in the living area and she was on the chair in front of us with her legs pulled up under her. "I want that, someday."

"He's my everything." James said, leaning against me and laying his head on my shoulder. He'd had a few drinks too by the way his words were slightly slurred. "This above all...to thine ownself be true."

"That was beautiful." Veronica said.

"That was Hamlet." I said, grinning like an idiot. "James breaks out in random Shakespeare quotes, just so you know."

"You love it." He said, nuzzling into the crease of my neck.

"Yes, I do." I kissed the top of his head and let my lips linger there for a moment.

Warmth coursed through my body, and it had nothing to do with the alcohol. V and I made eye contact, and I realized just how comfortable I was with showing affection for James in front of other people.

With time, hopefully I could do the same in public, in front of everyone, and not care what anyone said.

I asked Veronica about her love life, which the set into motion an epic tale of her last few sexual conquests. One of them involved a guy who spoke very little English, and she couldn't speak Russian, and yet, they'd still understood each other enough to fuck all over the town, the backseat of a car, the dressing room at one of her shoots, the sitting room in a fancy theatre, and of course her hotel. Many...many times.

"Do you plan on seeing this sexy Russian again?" I asked, resting my cheek on the top of James' head.

He was almost asleep by his even, slow breaths.

"No." She said before yawning. "I'm sure my prince is on his way, but I don't mind kissing a lot of frogs in the meantime. Especially if they can kiss like _that_."

We talked for another hour, but we were exhausted from the long day. Around midnight, we agreed it was time to say goodnight. I gently shook James awake, and he rubbed at his eyes. He wasn't used to wearing his contacts, and having fallen asleep with them still in must have irritated his eyes.

"Damn these things to hell." He groaned before getting off the loveseat.

I rested my hand on his lower back, suppressing a smile. He was too adorable when he was grumpy. He said goodbye to Veronica, and she gave him a huge hug.

"It was amazing meeting you." She said.

"You too." He replied. "I have a feeling this won't be the last time we see each other."

His words touched my heart, and yeah made me all mushy and shit. He knew how close me and V were, and he respected that. I wanted him to be included in all aspects of my life. Career, friendships, and everything in between.

"I miss you already Kenny." Veronica said, hugging me. "I'll let you know when my plane lands tomorrow."

I guided James back to our room because he was still pretty drunk, and I hated how I kept checking our surroundings to make sure no one was around. He deserved more than what I could give him at the moment, but I'd make it up to him one day.

Once we were in our room, I stripped him out of his clothes and put him in bed. Lying beside him, I pulled him to my chest and held him. I moved my hands through his hair, loving how silky it felt.

He snuggled against my neck, finding his favorite spot. "Ken?" He asked in a sleepy voice. "Sorry I was a sourpuss about Veronica. She's nice. I like her."

A sourpuss. I grinned.

"It's okay, Jay." I said, still brushing my fingers through his hair.

"Ken?" He asked again, cuddling more against me. "I love you."

Fuck he was too cute, and maybe it was because I was a little buzzed and sleepy, or maybe it was just because I was in love, but I tilted his chin up and softly kissed him, fighting the surge of emotion trying to spill out.

"I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is that not strange?" I said, quoting another scene from Much Ado About Nothing, one said by Benedick. If James could quote good ol' Shakespeare, so could I. That was the one play, other than Romeo and Juliet, that I knew a lot of.

"Benedick had a good way with words." James pointed out, laying his arm over my stomach.

"Yeah. I'm not as awesome as him and not nearly as poetic, but here are some words from me." I moved my hand to his back and glided my fingertips up and down his spine. "I never stopped loving you. Even after one year passed and then two. Five more years and all the way up until I saw you again in the hospital waiting room, I still loved you. And I always will."

James didn't respond. Then I heard his soft snores and knew he was out like a light.

I tightened my hold on him, feeling both afraid and like I could rule the world. Sad but also happy. All differing and conflicting emotions that didn't quite make sense.

But love never did.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like things went well with James meeting Veronica. But it also looks like there's trouble on the horizon regarding Jett. On the plus side, Kames is happier than ever and in a good place, so that's good. Right? :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will be up this weekend and will contain more of Kames vacation!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It's time for another chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, Side1ways, kamesliver1997, and annabellex2 for reviewing!**

 **I'm pretty sure a couple of you are going to say 'I told you so' or 'I knew it' after this chapter (You know who you are), but I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

When two days passed and I hadn't heard anything else from Jett, I relaxed and put it out of my mind. He was all talk and no action. James and I were enjoying our mini-vacation for Spring Break, and I didn't like wasting time worrying over Jett and all his bullshit.

That Thursday, we were at the beach. James had loved Cape Florida so much that we decided to go back to spend the day. We'd only gotten to enjoy it a little when I had my photoshoot, so it was nice being able to be there without all the hassle.

The warm, but no too hot, temperature made it the perfect beach weather.

After swimming for a while, James and I laid out a beach towel and were soaking up some sun. We'd stopped at the grocery store and bought an ice chest, bags of chips, and some stuff to make sandwiches, and I grabbed a Gatorade.

"Want one?" I asked.

James lay on his back, wearing his sunglasses, and he didn't answer me. He was either sleeping, ignoring me, or he hadn't heard me. Being the little shit I was, I got a piece of ice from the cooler and tossed it on his bare chest.

"What the hell?!" He exclaimed, sitting up and lifting his shades to glare at me. "Do you _want_ an ass whooping?"

"Oh, I'd like to see you try." I said, smirking at his challenging tone.

For that moment, I forgot that I wasn't allowed to be myself. I forgot about hiding and keeping my love for James from the world.

I lunged at him and seconds later, we were in a wrestling match on the warm sand, laughing and grunting as we tried to get the upper hand on each other. Damn, he'd become strong. It wasn't as easy to beat him anymore. He flipped me on my back and tried to pin me down, but I twisted his arm, causing him to lose his grip.

"It's not fair." He said, trying to regain his hold on me. "You being ambidextrous sucks."

"Why?" I rolled him over to his back and pushed his arms into the sand above his head. "Because you still can't beat me?"

He stared up at me, panting as he fought to catch a breath. "You're insufferable."

When I felt him grow hard beneath me, I snapped to my senses. I quickly rolled off him and checked our surroundings. No one seemed to be around with the exception of a family I'd seen exploring the lighthouse earlier.

James sat up and looked out over the water. His saddened expression told me his thoughts without him having to voice them.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

He shrugged but didn't say anything. He stood and went back into the water.

I didn't follow him, sensing he wanting to be alone. I watched him, though, feeling a pining deep in my chest. One that craved to run up and pull him into my arms, to kiss him as the tide rolled around us.

I almost said _fuck it_ and did it anyway. But then fear took over, keeping me in place. Keeping me from living my best life.

After another hour in the sun, we were both feeling drained and decided to pack up and leave. The drive back to the hotel was a quiet one, mostly because what we wanted to discuss couldn't be said in front of the driver. When were back in our room, however, I crushed my lips to his, holding the back of his neck and guiding him backward to the bed.

James moaned against me before swirling his tongue with mine.

"Wait." He said, pulling back. "We should talk."

"I don't want to." I said, running my nose up the side of his neck before sucking on his earlobe. My dick filled, and I grabbed James' ass, moving my hips into his. "I just want to make love to you and forget about the world."

James' eyes flickered to mine, and he leaned forward, softly kissing me. One soft kiss turned into two, before we fell back on the mattress.

I ran my hand under his tank top, tracing the lines of muscle on his abdomen, and he glided his fingertips along my spine.

That's when my phone started ringing.

I ignored it at first, not giving a fuck about anything except for James. But then it rang a second time. Then, a third.

"Answer it." James murmured against my mouth. He gently squeezed my ass, which of course made me want to continue ignoring everything else for a while longer. "I'll still be here when you get off. Then you can get _me_ off."

I kissed down his throat and grinned at his words. "Oh, baby. I'll make you scream my name."

The fifth ringing of my damn phone interrupted our moment, and I growled in frustration. With a huff, I flipped off of him and charged toward the beach bag that had my phone tucked into the side pocket. A quick glance at my screen showed one call was from Dak and the rest were from Kelly.

"Hey, what's up, Kelly?" I answered, not hiding my irritation at all.

"What's the point of having a damn phone if you don't answer it, Kendall?" She spat back, reminding me why I hired her as my agent in the first place. She didn't really take my shit. "First thing I need to know, is it just a rumor or is it the truth? Second, if it's the truth, why didn't you at least tell _me_ about it? It seems like a publicity stunt, but these things spread like wildfire and-"

"Whoa, slow the fuck down." I interjected, suddenly feeling anxious at hearing her panicked tone. "What the hell is going on?"

"Ah, shit, you haven't seen." She sighed, and I could just see her pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Seen what?"

James got off the bed and neared me. He looked worried, which was telling of how _I_ must have looked. He put his hand on my back, running soothing circles over my shoulder blades.

"Go to any social media site, and you'll find it." Kelly answered, not sounding happy about it. "You're already trending."

"Ken?" James searched my face. "Fuck, you're pale. What's wrong?"

"Can you pull up Twitter?" I asked in a voice that didn't even sound like me. It felt like a boulder was slowly crushing my chest, and my breathing became labored.

I had a good idea of what the news was, and I was close to a fucking panic attack.

James-still looking worried-nodded and got out his phone. He went to the app and was quiet as he scrolled through the news. Then, he froze, and with a widened gaze, he looked back at me. His mouth opened like he was about to say something, but he snapped it shut and just handed me his phone.

With a shaking hand, I grabbed his phone and read.

 _Kendall Knight, the gay athlete!_

 _Star hockey player and model outed!_

 _Kendall Knight's secret lover?!_

Post after post talked about it, most with witty headlines. Other posts were from people following the news, all using the hashtag GayInProHockey. Some mocked the situation, some supported me, and others spewed hatred.

I felt sick as I scrolled through them all, and when I couldn't take it anymore, I tossed James' phone on the bed and ran to the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time before I puked.

"Kendall?" Kelly said in my ear. "It's going to be okay. I'll take care of this. Say it's just a rumor and nothing more. From what I've seen, there's no proof or anything. Just a lot of he-said she-said crap."

"Where did it start?" I finally managed to ask, standing up and walking to the sink. I washed my hands-which wouldn't stop shaking-and wiped my mouth.

"The source is anonymous." She answered. "One of the gossip magazines published it front page this morning, and since then, it's just blown up. The article mentioned that the next issue will have the full story. But like I said, it could just be a gimmick to draw attention to their shitty magazine."

"It's the truth." I said, feeling like I was going to be sick again. I fought it, though. James stood in the doorway, looking just as anxious as I felt. "Fuck. I don't know what to do. I know who did this, but I don't how far he plans to go with it."

So that was what Jett was warning me about a few days before. The bastard had been taunting me with it.

"Okay." Kelly said, now calmer than before. Probably because she'd picked up on my stress. "I need you tell me everything. Who, what, when, whatever. Got it? And then we'll figure out how to go about this."

I agreed and started talking. James' hand on my back helped me a lot, and I found myself leaning more against him as I told Kelly everything.

It didn't go unnoticed how James intently watched me as I talked about Jett, something I never told him. As far as he'd known, I hadn't been involved with anyone.

And what a fucking way to tell him.

I left out the more intimate details, wanting to tell them directly to James later if he wanted to know. But I admitted how long I'd been with Jett, that it wasn't serious on my part, and how I'd ended things with him back in January.

Once I got off the phone with Kelly, I felt like the walls were closing in on me. Crazy how everything could just go to shit in a matter of hours. My private life was exposed, and I was both pissed the fuck off and stressed out about what it meant for my career going forward.

I _hated_ that someone's sexuality was such a big freaking spectacle. It never made headlines when a celebrity was straight, so why the hell should it when they were gay or bi? What angered me beyond words too, was that it hadn't been _my_ decision. That I'd been outed before I was ready.

Needing fresh air, I went out onto the balcony and deeply inhaled, held the breath for a few beats, and then slowly exhaled.

I looked at the world below me, the people on the beach who were laughing and having a great time, the ones getting into their cars to go out to eat or to return home, and the ones just walking down the shoreline, hand in hand without worry.

How was it that everyone was going about their day, when I'd just had my whole life flipped on its axis?

* * *

I'd never seen Kendall like that before. So quiet and in his head. He was out on the balcony, standing near the rail and staring out over the ocean. After an hour or so, he moved to the lounge chair, but he didn't talk to me.

I was still trying to process it all too, but for different reasons.

I didn't care that he'd been in a relationship with some guy before going back to Willow. Over the years, I'd had some flings here and there too. What hurt was that he hadn't told me about this Jett guy. He probably didn't want to upset me-because let's face it, I _did_ have jealous tendencies-so I couldn't really blame him for keeping it quiet.

But it still hurt.

"We should eat dinner." I said, breaking our two hour long silence. "It's getting late."

"I'm not hungry." Kendall said in a flat tone.

I got on my knees in front of his chair and looked up at him. The setting sun gave his blond hair an orange glow, and his green eyes appeared brighter, but somehow darker at the same time.

"What am I gonna do, Jay?" He asked in a voice that was no longer detached but now shaking with his emotion. "Other than my fear of what would happen to my career if I came out, the other thing that held me back all these years was that I didn't want to be _known_ for my sexuality. So many athletes make headlines because of it, become even more famous sometimes, but for all the wrong reasons. I want my hard work to be what puts me in the spotlight. Not because I fuck men."

I understood where he was coming from. When I first came out, everyone looked at me differently too. And I was a nobody.

Kendall had it way worse. The reveal of his sexuality would be the one thing about him that anyone talked about now, and that wasn't right. He was a damn amazing athlete, but if seeing it happen to other celebrities was anything to go by, hardly anyone would discuss his career as a hockey player and would only talk about his sexuality for weeks, maybe even months to come.

Paparazzi would be hell-bent on catching a shot of him with a guy so they could post it on all the tabloid covers and every gossip page online. Christian groups would probably start their 'holier than thou' shit and start trying to get him fired by saying they're going to boycott pro-hockey or something if he continued to play. I'd seen those same groups trying to do that to television networks that portrayed a gay character, so I wouldn't put it past them to do that with the sports industry too.

"I'm going to order room service." I said, despite his objection.

I called down to the restaurant and ordered food. Medium cooked steaks, baked potatoes, dinner rolls, and beer. Maybe carbs would help Kendall feel better. I sure as hell knew they did that for me.

We didn't say much as we ate, but I kept looking at him.

"I'm okay." He said in a way that hinted at the opposite. "Really."

"You know you can sue this Jett guy, right?" I pointed out. "I don't know a lot about the law, but when you were sitting on the balcony earlier, I did some research on my phone. There's a thing called a private facts claim, and sexuality is covered under it. You just have to prove that-"

"I don't want to take him to court over it." Kendall interrupted, shaking his head. He finished chewing his bite of steak before washing it down with some beer. "That won't make any of it go away. Once it's out, it's out. Making a huge legal scene will just give it that much more attention. And Jett loves attention." He put his face in his hands before scooting his chair back and standing up. He paced the room before lashing out and punching the bathroom door. "Fuck! I was so fucking stupid!"

"Ken!" I went over and grabbed his arms, trying to prevent him from going through another punching fit. I'd never seen him so out of control before. To be honest, it was a little intimidating. "Calm down."

"He was a journalist!" Kendall growled and shrugged out of my hold. He was less aggressive, though, now that I was not even a foot in front of him. "When I met him, I knew he worked for some bullshit gossip column. He said he was the person that got dirt on celebrities and all of that shit. That should've been a red flag for me, but it wasn't. I was just happy to find a guy who was okay with keeping our hooking up private. Well, so fucking much for privacy, huh?"

Not knowing what else to do, I brought him to my chest, hoping that being held would help alleviate some of his anger. I held the back of his head with one hand and had the other at his lower back.

Kendall pushed his face against my neck and his arms slowly came around my waist. When his body began to tremble and a soft cry reached my ears, my heart broke. I kissed the side of his head, down his cheek and jaw, and down to the top of his shoulder.

"It shouldn't have been like this." He said, tightening his hold on me.

"I know." I ran my fingers through his hair, hating how useless I felt. Kendall was hurting and there was nothing I could do to make it better. "We'll get through it together, okay?"

He nodded before burying his face more into my neck. Hot tears dripped on my collar.

I wished I could just kiss his pain away, but it wasn't that easy. Sex didn't solve everything. And with him so upset, sex was the farthest thing from my mind. I just wanted to hold him, and if it were possible to take all of his pain onto myself, I would in a heartbeat.

"I don't think I can go back." Kendall whispered after several minutes. "I can resign from the Mavericks this week. That'll give them enough time to train my backup and get everything in order before the season starts. I'll just stay with you in Willow. I'll go back to Kansas City to pack up my things and work out the whole moving thing, but then I'm done."

They were the words I'd wanted to hear for so long. But upon actually hearing them? They didn't sit well with me.

I didn't want him to give it all up, especially not for a reason like that. When the time came for him to leave hockey, I wanted it to be his decision because he was ready, not a decision he made out of fear.

"You can't run from this, Ken." I said, stepping back so I could look at him. His forehead creased and he was about to say something, but I placed my finger to his lips. "As much as I want you to come home, this is something you need to face. Don't let Jett win. Make a public statement or something about it. Show him that instead of beating you down like he wanted, he helped empower you to be true to be who you are."

Indecision brewed in his eyes.

"I'm not sure I can." He mumbled against the fingers that were still on his lips.

"You'll never know until you try." I said in a steady tone, believing with all my heart that he could do anything he set his mind to. He'd already proven he was capable to turning dreams into reality. Embracing the incredible man he was would be no different.

Kendall kissed the finger against his mouth. I moved my hand aside, but he caught my wrist before I pulled away completely.

"I love you." He said, bringing my hand up to cup his face.

His stubble tickled my palm, and I smoothed my thumb along his cheek. Staring into his green eyes, I felt as if my whole world was right in front of me. In his gaze, in the feel of his skin on mine, the sound of his voice. The beating of his heart against mine.

It felt surreal to love someone so much. I'd loved him when we were younger, but what I felt for him in that moment was greater than love. It was all-consuming and powerful, striking me in the center of my chest like lightning and then fanning all throughout my body and sinking into my bones.

"I love you too." I said, moving my hand from his face and down to take his hand. "That's why I'm not letting you just give up without a fight."

"You're right. I don't need to run from this." Kendall said, and even though trepidation still lingered in his gaze, his voice was steady. "I'll call Kelly tomorrow and figure out the best way to go about it. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being my voice of reason."

We were supposed to fly back to Willow the next day, and with recent events, I wasn't sure if that was still the plan. Would I be going back home alone? If so, when would I see him again?

As I was in my head, Kendall walked over and grabbed his phone.

"I wouldn't do that." I said, approaching him and taking it from his hand. "Seeing it all will just upset you further."

"I know." He answered, plopping down on the bed and slinging an arm over his eyes. "I just hate not knowing. It's fucking killing me. I can't focus on anything but what they're saying about me."

I sat beside him, resting my hand on his inner thigh.

"It doesn't matter what they're saying, Ken."

"Can we stop talking about it for tonight?" He moved his arm and studied me with sad eyes. "Tomorrow...I don't know. Everything will change. I just want to hang onto this moment with you for as long as I can."

 _Maybe sex couldn't fix everything...but it couldn't hurt._

I crawled up his body and grabbed his arms, pinning them above his head. He gave me a shit eating grin as he looked up at me with a seductive gleam in his eyes. I kissed him deeply. We'd fucked a lot this past week, but I wanted to make love to him.

I broke the kiss to remove his pants and the rest of the clothing separating us.

His cocky smile faded as he took in my expression, and he lifted his hand to brush my knuckles along my jaw. Our lips met again, and he entwined his fingers in my hair. I melted against him, chest to chest, mouth to mouth, and heart to heart.

I took my time prepping him, loving the sounds he made as my fingers moved inside of his heat.

"Jay." He moaned, gripping my shoulder as I lay between his legs. "I need you. All of you."

When I entered him, he wrapped his arms around my neck. I kissed his temple, his cheek, his jaw, and then his lips, fusing our tongues as his body welcomed more of me.

Nothing felt more perfect than it did right then.

Whatever happened tomorrow would happen. There was no stopping the inevitable. But for one of the first times ever, I wasn't worried about our future. Even if he went back to Kansas City or anywhere else as he sorted this out, I knew he'd always find his way back to me.

* * *

 **Done! So...yeah. Jett's an asshole, what else is new? Thankfully, James was there for Kendall. But how are they going to move forward from this?**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter more than likely won't be up until this weekend, but there is a slight chance that it'll be up a little earlier.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hello again everyone! This chapter is long overdue, but it's finally here!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to give a thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Kelly was a rock star. No, better than that. She was a damn superhero. Magazines, online blogs, sports journalists from all over...they were all reaching out and wanting an official statement from me. People were chomping at the bit to be the first one to have an exclusive interview. Kelly took the calls and the messages and handled everything with so much poise.

James had to return to WIllow because Spring Break was over, and he had to be back at school that Monday, but I texted him constantly. I hated not having him with me, but I didn't plan on being gone for long.

What really touched me was when my teammates all reached out to see how I was doing. A huge part of me had been worried about what they'd say. How they'd treat me. After hearing from them, I was ashamed I ever thought they'd reject me for it. Not all seemed welcoming, but most of them did.

"Man, I'm so fucking pissed at how it happened to you." Dak said as we sat in my living room back in Kansas City. "Do you feel any relief now that it's finally out in the open, though? I mean, you've struggled with how to come out for a while."

Dak's dark hair was a little longer now and hung a little in his brown eyes, giving him a surfer look. His vacation had given him a nice golden tan, and if the small peeks of his ass were anything to go by, he didn't have any tan lines. We were dressed in our gym clothes, having just finished working out in my home gym.

I hadn't wanted to go to the public gym just yet, not until all of this shit blew over.

"In a weird way...yeah." I answered before taking a drink of Gatorade. "I've wanted to post about it, but Kelly told me to wait and not confirm or deny anything yet."

"How's your guy handling it?" Dak asked, and something about his words made the butterflies go wild in my stomach.

"James is okay." Just the mention of him had my heart aching again. Not even two days apart and I was already going through withdrawls. "When all of this is over, I'm moving back with him. We'll make the distance work for this next season, but then I'm leaving."

"I'm being replaced." Dak admitted, not meeting my eyes. "Some twenty year old is dominating the combines, and I heard that the Mavericks made him an offer for my spot. I don't know if I'm upset or not yet. I don't think it's fully sunk in."

"I'm sorry, man. That really sucks." I nudged his leg with mine. "But hey, we had some great years together. Our replacements won't have our awesome bromance." I added, hoping to cheer him up a bit.

"True." He said with a laugh. "Funny how rumors were spread around that you and I were fucking, but no one even batted an eye over it."

"I think Veronica had a lot to do with that." I said as it suddenly clicked in my head. "She's probably the only reason I was able to stay hidden for as long as I was."

"Fuck." Dak brushed his fingers through his shaggy bangs. "I don't even know what I'm gonna do after this."

"Me either." The topic was sobering. "I'm not good at anything else."

"I was thinking of going into broadcasting or journalism." He said as he scrunched his brow, bouncing his knee. "Just something to stay in sports, you know? Stephanie and I want to have kids someday, so I don't want a job that will keep me away from home too much."

We had a long talk about our careers after that. As much as I didn't want to think about the unknown of my future, I needed to get all my worries out of my head.

Money wasn't much of an issue for me. I didn't get paid as much as some of the more notorious players, but I was definitely paid more than the average. The money would only last so long, though, and even if I was financially set forever, I hated the thought of just sitting around the house all day with nothing to do.

Stephanie came over that afternoon, bringing several bags of groceries.

"Since you're not exactly leaving the house right now, I wanted to make sure you had food." She said like the sweetheart she was.

"You're amazing." I pulled her in for a hug and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you."

Stephanie was gorgeous. Long brunette hair, almond shaped brown eyes, and full lips. It was no wonder why Dak had fallen all over himself the first night we saw her in a club. After a few drinks, he'd had enough courage to actually approach her, and the rest was history. But it was her good heart that was the most appealing, in my opinion.

"So what's the plan?" She asked as we sat at the table, eating the Chinese takeout she'd brought with her. "Does it really have to be this massive covert mission where you stay cooped up at home like some damn witness protection type shit? You're gay. So what? Why is everyone losing their shit over it?"

Dak grinned at her. Yeah, the girl had a mouth on her.

But she had a point.

"Not sure." I said after swallowing a bite of chicken fried rice. "Kelly is working it all out and told me to stay low for a few days. Supposedly, the magazine that leaked the news is publishing an article tomorrow, so she wanted to wait until after that to act. That way, I know what I'm up against before I make a statement."

I refused to even say the fear out loud, but I was afraid Jett had recorded us fucking or taken pics of us together and was going to release them. Knowing how much of an attention-seeking asshole he was, I wouldn't put it past him.

"I didn't have to come back to KC, but I thought it was the best thing to do." I continued. "I wanted to talk to our coach and some of the other guys. Plus, I wanted to give James some space while I sorted this crap out."

"Tell me about him." Stephanie said with a sweet smile, resting her chin on her hand.

Dak rolled his eyes and slung his arm around her shoulders. But as I started talking, his expression changed. He couldn't fool anyone. As much as he pretended otherwise, he was a total sap at heart.

"I think we've bugged him enough for one night." He said after another hour had passed. "We should get going."

After seeing them out, I locked the door and turned to look at my too quiet living room. Damn it was lonely. I couldn't wait until I was back home with my man. Checking the time, I saw it was close to eleven. James was probably already asleep.

On school nights, he went to bed early. I really wanted to call him and to hear his voice, but I decided to just text him instead, so he'd see it when he woke up in the morning.

 _Me: Hey, babe. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I'll be back in a few days. Love you._

After I sent it, I had another idea, and I pulled up a search engine to look it up. I wasn't as great as James with remembering exact quotes, but I remembered there was one from Hamlet that I really liked.

Finding what I wanted, I copied the text and sent it to him. It was one about stars and fire, and the sun. And how he should never doubt my love.

I brushed my teeth before crawling into bed. I was still wide awake, and after thirty minutes of me flipping around and punching my pillow to fluff it up, I sighed and grabbed my phone. The temptation was way too much. I'd refrained from checking any of my social media ever since James told me not to, but the urge was too great.

I instantly regretted it.

 **Hockeyguy86:** _Hey, Knight. Gays are disgusting and need to stay out of hockey. I'm tired of having your sick agenda shoved down my throat. Seek mental help for your sickness._

There were a lot of interactions on his post, and I was afraid to look at the thread at first. But once again, curiosity won, and I clicked it. A lot of the responses were in support of me, which made my eyes water.

 **MavericksFan:** _Hockeyguy86, sounds like you need to stop worrying about things being shoved down your throat and start focusing on removing the stick from your ass. Kendall, I support you! Love you man._

I stopped looking after that, not ready to face anymore yet. My skin was pretty thick, and I wasn't a stranger to criticism. For years, I've had people say I sucked as a hockey player. In my modeling, I'd received comments saying I was ugly and things like that. It never bothered me. But something about this just made me emotional.

I needed James. He always had a way of calming me down and making me forget about things for a while.

XxX

The next morning, I woke up later than I'd intended.

Since it had taken me so long to fall asleep, I slept in until almost eleven. The number of missed calls and text messages from Kelly, Victoria, James and Dak told me something huge was happened.

 _The damn article is out._

Goddammit, I didn't know if I even wanted to look.

Needing just a few minutes of normality before everything went to shit, I went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. I debated on adding some whiskey to it, but then common sense won that argument. Getting wasted wouldn't solve anything, and I needed a clear head for dealing with whenever waited for me in the real world.

Fuck.

I drank half of my coffee before my nerves became too much, and I snatched my phone from the kitchen counter. I read James' good morning text to me and smiled as he commented on the Hamlet quote. But that smile faded as I read the ones sent after that.

 _James: Ken? Are you okay? I just read the article._

 _James: Kendall Knight, wake your ass up right now._

With my stomach in knots, I scrolled to Kelly's name in my contacts and called her.

"About time you called me back." She said in a huff. "Have you read it?"

"No." I answered, feeling like I was going to be sick. "How bad is it?"

"Let's just say that Jett guy is a total douche-canoe." Kelly spat into the phone. I was glad that rage wasn't directed at me. "I just emailed you the link to it, so you don't have to hunt it down. Not that you'd have to look far to find it anyway. Call me back once you've read it and we'll make a game plan."

A lump was wedged in my throat, and it felt like I was being stung all down my arms and legs by a hundred tiny bees. My shaking hands made it difficult to open up the email, and my finger hovered over the link.

Once I read it, it'd be real.

 _Here goes nothing._

I clicked the link and snarled when I saw Jett's photo appear at the top of the article. In it, he was wearing a nice shirt and a fake ass smile. I'd never understand how I didn't see it before, how he'd just been using me. Maybe it was because I always tried to see the good in people. After taking a deep breath, I scrolled down the page.

My blood boiled when I started reading.

 _ **Checking the Hockey Star**_

 _ **By Jett Stetson**_

 _There are many positions when it comes to hockey. When it comes to checking, there are rules that have to be followed. No hitting in the head (what about rubbing it?). No hitting too low (I'd say middle way down is perfect). And no roughing (And boy, let me tell you he sure knows how to rough a man up)._

 _Little did I know that in order to check Kendall Knight myself, all I needed was a flirty smile and twenty minutes in an upstairs closet where he showed me other positions he excelled in._

I had to stop reading because I nearly threw my phone against the wall. Once I'd composed myself enough, I continued reading and became angrier by the second.

Jett went on to talk about how I'd insisted on keeping him a secret, but then he laid out all of our intimate details right there on the page, even going so far as to describe how rough I was in bed. He talked about our sex life without actually going into graphic detail, but the way he described it left little to the imagination.

At the bottom of the article was a picture he'd taken of us when I'd been kissing his neck. I had no idea when he'd taken it, but we were both shirtless and our messy hair and glistening skin was telling of what we'd been doing moments before the picture was taken. Honestly...it looked like we were actually a loving couple.

I was embarrassed, appalled, and livid.

And the worst part of it all was knowing that James had seen it.

I barely made it to the bathroom in time before I puked, which was more of a dry heave since all I had in my stomach was a little bit of coffee. Tears stung my eyes after I was done, and all I could think about was how upset James must be after reading all of that crap. And after seeing that damn photo.

I couldn't believe Jett had stooped so low and betrayed my trust like he had.

It all suddenly became too much.

A sob tore through my throat as the tears became impossible to hold back, and I started crying harder than I had in a long time. I hadn't cried so hard since Grandpa had died. I stayed in a pathetic lump on the bathroom floor for minutes. Maybe even hours. I didn't know. I'd tried to be strong for a while, but I didn't have the energy for it right then.

Eventually, I pulled myself together and showered, hoping the steam from the hot water would help soothe the newly tensed muscles in my neck and shoulders.

I thought on how to go about this, wondering what would be the best course of action. Going on a talk show or something as outrageous as that was definitely not in the cards for me. I didn't want all of that attention on something so personal.

Clean and with a newfound determination, I pulled on a pair of sweats before leaving the bathroom. I found my phone and dialed Kelly's number.

"I was beginning to worry about you." She answered in a relieved tone. "Are you okay?"

"I think so." I said, walking over to my balcony and peering outside. The clouds had rolled in and thunder rumbled in the distance. "I want to make a statement. Not anything huge or televised, but I want people to know my story. Not the bullshit Jett blabbed about in that article."

"I'll make some calls." Kelly said as rustling sounded on her end of the line.

We talked for another ten or so minutes as she filled me in on what she intended to do, agree to an exclusive interview with one of the big magazines that had reached out wanting one. Fight fire with fire. But unlike Jett's fire that had been meant to destroy, mine would be purging the bad in hopes of starting over fresh.

Around four that afternoon, I called James.

"Hello?" He answered, sounding anxious.

I felt bad for waiting so long to return his call, but I'd dreaded the conversation. I was afraid we'd get into another massive fight and I'd lose him. Again.

"Hey." I said, holding the phone with one hand as I rubbed at the back of neck with the other. "How was school?"

"Good. The week after Spring Break is always tough, because the kids aren't ready to be back." He responded with a light laugh. "So I went easy on them. Sort of. How are you?"

"It depends."

"On what?" James asked.

"On how _you_ are." I said, battling the knots in my stomach. Fuck I couldn't stand still, so I paced my living room. "Kelly and I figured out our next step, so I'm still pissed, but I'm coping with it. But knowing that you read that shit just kills me, Jay. I swear, Jett never meant anything to me. Seven years later, and it was still _you_ that had my heart. I never got over you, and I-"

"Ken," James interjected. "It's okay. Really. The only thing that bothered me about reading that article was the fact that that asshole took your private life and blasted it for the whole world to read. I _know_ you love me. And I trust you."

I was surprised by his response.

When I first got reacquainted with him back in January, he'd been so closed off from me. When I'd tried to get closer to him, he'd let his fear and insecurity get in the way. But once I'd broken through the walls of his doubt and showed him I wasn't going anywhere, he put all of that aside.

"I can't wait to come home to you." I said, feeling truly content for the first time that morning.

Once I knew James was okay, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

"So you're really moving here?" He asked.

I looked around my empty house. Not one lacking materialistic items-I had a plethora of shit I didn't need-but one lacking warmth and love. One that was missing that special someone to come home to, sleep beside every night, and wake up to each morning.

"Yeah." I answered, knowing there was nothing I wanted more in that moment. "I'll keep this place during the upcoming season, but then I'm leaving KC."

James was quiet for a handful of seconds before he finally responded. "Are you sure that's what you want, Ken? I don't want to be the reason you give up your life, you know? We'll make it work if you decide to stay there."

"I'm not giving anything up." I said, missing the feel of him in my arms. Being lovesick fucking sucked. "Now stop trying to change my mind and face the facts, babe. You're stuck with me."

It didn't matter where we went, as long as he was by my side, I had everything I needed. Home was not a place, but a feeling, and James was the only place I wanted to be.

* * *

Rain fell outside the classroom window, hitting the rooftop and pouring down onto the sidewalk. Deep puddles formed in the grass, and certain areas of the road had standing water. Some of the creeks had flooded, making it dangerous to travel though some of the backroads, and with the high school being more in the country, it made it harder for some of the students to make it to school on time.

Everything was so green-the dense wall of trees not too far from the building, and the grass. The dark sky only enhanced the green hue, causing it to stand out in a world of gray. Spring had officially arrived. And with the new life, there was a cleansing that came before it.

In other words: rain. Lots of it.

I sipped coffee at my desk as I continued watching the rain fall.

Unlike some people, I actually enjoyed rainy days. Where others saw gloominess, I found peace. I needed moments such as these to gather my thoughts, and I had a lot on my mind.

Kendall had done an interview with a big magazine, and it should be hitting the stands-and of course, basically everywhere online-today. He'd told me some of the things he was going to say in the article, and I was so damn proud of him for being so open. But I was nervous for him as well.

This was a huge deal, and just like everything else that blows up in the media, the world was going to have something to say about it.

The first bell cut off my musings and minutes later, students began entering the class like a horde of lazy zombies. April was just another month closer to summer break, and most of them looked to have that _I'd rather be in bed_ mentality, eager for those summer days of sleeping in and spending the day outside with friends.

Daniel took his seat, and he wasn't his usual cheerful, talkative self. His blank expression during my lecture that morning only confirmed my theory that something was wrong.

"Daniel? Can you stay for a minute?" I asked once class had ended.

He shrugged. "'Kay. What's up?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing." I said, leaning on the edge of my desk and crossing my arms.

"So Kendall is gay?" He asked, finally looking at me. "It's all over the internet."

 _Oh, shit._

"Does that bother you?"

"He should've told me." Daniel snapped as his eyes started to water. "I thought he was my friend."

"He is." I said, my heart aching a little at hearing the pain in his voice. "Kendall cares about you and the other guys a lot. He loves helping you all train and hanging out at school."

"Then why didn't he tell me the _one_ thing that could've helped me not feel like a freak?" Daniel responded, even angrier now. "I basically told him that I'm...that I'm…" He looked around, making sure no one else was around before leaning in and continuing. "...gay. And instead of telling me that I wasn't alone, he didn't say a damn thing." Students for my second period class started shuffling in, and Daniel stepped backward, shaking his head. "I gotta get to class, Mr. Diamond."

He turned and left the room.

When Kendall came back to Willow, he'd need to have a talk with Daniel. Daniel had become attached to Kendall over the months, and from what I gathered, he didn't really have a good role model at home. His dad was known to be a drunk, and it was heartbreaking to think of the things that kid had to go through.

At lunch, I was finally able to pull up Kendall's article on my laptop and read it.

I'd have to buy a hard copy of it at the store later. He was front and center on the cover-which was in black and white-and he leaned against a white wall. His blond hair was styled in a classy way. Dressed in a white shirt and a dark jacket pulled over it, he looked more like a movie star than a hockey player.

I scrolled down the page until I saw the link to his interview and clicked it. My heart hammered in my chest and my palms began to sweat. I didn't know why _I_ was nervous. Maybe it was more due to excitement.

Kendall wasn't backing down from the devastation of being outed against his will. Instead, he was embracing it and using it was an opportunity to tell his own story. One I suspected a lot of younger men who were struggling with coming out would find courage in reading.

The article started off with Mark Harris-the writer-talking about the events of the past few weeks and how there'd been various rumors circulating about Kendall's silence on the matter. So many people wanted answers, and his silence had done nothing but add fuel to the fire.

 _And now he's here to tell his story._ The article read.

 _Mark: First of all, thank you for agreeing to the interview. I know it's not easy to have your personal life on display like this._

 _Kendall: No problem. Thank you for having me._

 _Mark: So, everyone wants to know...is it true? Are you gay? And if so, why did you feel the need to keep it quiet all these years?_

 _Kendall: (Nervous smile as he runs a hand through his hair) You just cut right to the chase, huh? Yes. I'm gay. I wish it would've been my decision and on my terms to come out, but I guess that's why I wanted to do this interview. Not just to confirm one way or the other that I'm gay but also to explain why I didn't come out sooner._

 _Let me start by saying this. I am_ not _ashamed to be gay. That was never the issue. What held me back all these years was my fear of how people would react, not just in my everyday life but also in my career._

 _Mark: That's a powerful statement. Do you feel that's what happens to other celebrities?_

 _Kendall: Not only with celebrities, but everyone. The world is so obsessed with who's sleeping in whose bed. And if you're different-I hate using that word-then you're made into a spectacle. I didn't want to be Kendall Knight, the gay hockey player. I just wanted to be Kendall. To be known for what I did in life, and not narrowed down to who I loved._

 _Mark: Speaking of love...is there a special guy in your life?_

 _Kendall: (Smiles) Yes. There is. I'm not going to say more about him just yet, but he's the main reason why I'm even here right now. He gave me the courage to face all of this, and I'm so thankful to have him by my side. Despite the recent turmoil, I'm the happiest I've ever been._

 _And to any young guy or girl who's reading this right now, struggling with your own truth...know that you aren't alone. You belong in this world, and you deserve to be happy too._

After finishing the rest of the article-that went on to discuss Kendall's goals for the future and his relief at finally being able to be himself-I debated on calling him, but with lunch already being so short, I decided to go to the teacher's lounge to heat up the lasagna I'd brought instead.

Standing in front of the microwave always seemed to last ages. Waiting for my food to heat, I smiled as I recalled parts of Kendall's interview. How he'd mentioned being in love. I was thankful he didn't call me out in the article, and I knew it wasn't because he was ashamed of my 'nobody' status, but more so because he didn't want to invade my privacy like his had been.

All of my coworkers seemed to know, however, by the sly smiles they gave me as I stood in the teacher's lounge.

The math teacher, Logan, was sitting at the small table by the window and reading something on his tablet. Out of all the faculty at the high school, I was closest to him. We shared a love for the classics, which was how we started talking over the years. Oftentimes, we'd sit at lunch and discuss ideas to get the students more engaged in learning and bounce thoughts off each other.

"Mind if I sit?" I asked, motioning to the empty chair across from him.

He jumped and hid the screen off his device. "Oh, of course I don't mind. Sit."

Pressing my lips into a line, I sat down and tried not to laugh. "You're reading Kendall's article, aren't you?"

"That obvious, huh?" He asked as a sheepish expression crossed his face. When I nodded, he gave a defeated sigh before taking a drink of his iced tea. "Is it crazy to say that I already kind of knew? After seeing you two together these past few months, it was clear as day."

I didn't think Kendall and I'd been _that_ obvious, especially in public, but it wasn't surprising that Logan had picked up on it. He was very perceptive.

"That man looks at you like you're the sun and he's just the planet circling it." Logan said, regarding me with a warm smile. "It's not every day you find someone like that."

For the rest of the day, I was in a sort of haze. Just like Kendall had said in the interview, I'd never been so happy. Being a major worry wart, I often thought of everything that could go wrong when things were going great in my life.

Like when Kendall and I'd been eighteen and talking about our future of going to the same college and spending our life together...and then having it all just crash and burn. It was just second nature now for me to worry and stress.

But I no longer felt that way about Kendall.

Call it fate or call it coincidence, but finding each other again after all these years and both of us still having that spark, I knew we could make it through anything.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah, looks like despite Jett being a bit of an asshole, Kames are moving forward and are stronger than ever!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I promise you won't have to wait as long for the next chapter! :P In fact, the next chapter will be up within the next few days.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another new chapter.**

 **Before we get into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, Guest, winterschild11, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing! :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"I can't believe we're doing this." I said to Kendall, who was currently adjusting the camera on his laptop, giving me a close-up view of his bare torso.

"Well, believe it, baby." He replied in that sexy voice of his. "I've never had cam sex. How the fuck does this… oh, okay. Got it."

He sat back on his bed and smirked at me as he reached into his shorts and touched himself.

I took a deep breath. "You know, we could just wait until Friday when you're actually here."

 _Only two more days and I'll be able to touch him for real._

"Ah, come on, Jay." He bit down on his bottom lip as he continued to slowly tug on his dick, which was stretching the material of his shorts in a mouthwatering way "It'll be fun. And so hot."

He was right. It was definitely hot. I was so damn hard that I half expected my pants to rip in half. Having Kendall right _there_ but not _actually_ there was one hell of a tease.

"Fine." I said through gritted teeth, unable to deny him anything.

"Now sit back a bit so I can see you." Kendall demanded, leaning against his headboard and turning his head toward the camera. His laptop was on the nightstand beside his bed, giving me a side view of him. "And take off those pants, soldier."

"Soldier? No. We're not roleplaying. Stop it."

Kendall laughed. "Okay, whatever. Just take off those fucking pants."

I did as he said-well, commanded-but I was sure to do it _very_ slow just to add to his anticipation. I knew it was working when I heard his frustrated grumble.

It's been nearly two weeks since we saw each other last, and I'd jacked off more in our short time apart than I had in months. He just brought it out in me, made me crave him like I'd never craved anyone else, not even when I was going through guys like crazy in college.

I grabbed the bottle of lube from my bedside drawer and drizzled a little in my palm before gliding my hand up and down my dick.

"Mmm, that's it." Kendall said on a moan, watching as I stroked myself. His movements mirrored mine. "Turn more on your side so I can see you better."

I obeyed and grinned at him as I paid extra attention to my tip. With my other hand, I reached down and cupped my balls, sharply inhaling as the pleasure took over my senses.

Kendall's furrowed brow and the way he chewed his lip as he watched me was so fucking sexy.

Something about doing it on camera just added to the allure of it.

"God, I wish you were here." I panted before tilting my head back with a deep groan. My eyes were hooded as I watched him on the screen, pumping his hips up into his closed fist. His stomach began to glisten with sweat.

Shit. That sight alone almost had me coming undone.

"What would you do if I was?" He asked, opening his mouth in a small O as his breath quickened with his strokes.

"I'd slowly take your cock in my mouth and tease your slit with my tongue."

Kendall's eyes widened, as if he hadn't expected me to go along with it. I was a bit surprised at myself too. Dirty talk had never been my strong point.

Getting even more aroused, I described everything I'd love to do to him. First, suck his dick and make him crazy with lust, then straddle his hips and ride him all night, fucking him so good he'd forget his own name.

"Fuck, James." Kendall exclaimed as his body tensed.

His abs tightened as white ropes of cum shot from his thick dick and onto his stomach. He moved his hand up and down his slick shaft, going slower as he squeezed his crown on the up-twist of his wrist. "Mm. Fuuuuck."

Seeing him orgasm-and hearing the sexy, raspy sound he made while doing so-brought me closer to the edge, and I bit down hard on my bottom lip as a spark shot down my spine. My balls tightened and my throbbing dick unloaded on my abdomen, pulling throaty moans from me as I jerked myself faster.

Out of breath and feeling like I was made out of jelly, I looked over at him. He had a lopsided grin on his too handsome face, doing the impossible by looking heart achingly adorable and sexy as fuck at the same time.

"We should do this, like, every night I'm not there." Kendall said, running a hand through the mess he'd made on his stomach. "All throughout my summer training and into the playing season."

"Well, I plan on making it to a lot of your games." I pointed out, wondering if it was possible to have a heart attack after an orgasm. My heart was racing like crazy. "As much as I can, anyway. So it'll be a lot of hotel room sex, I'm sure."

"I'd like that." Kendall smiled and pushed his hand under his pillow, flipping on his side and facing the laptop. "Not just the sex, but the you being with me part."

Yeah. I liked it too.

* * *

 _Several Days Later_

I sat in the sunroom of Grandpa Bill's house-well, I guess it was technically mine now-and closed my eyes as the spring breeze moved the wind chimes hanging outside the door. Most of my things had been moved from my place in Kansas City, with the exception of the furniture and some clothes I'd left for where I used the house during my hockey season. I had bought new furniture and a king sized bed after I'd gotten back in town days ago.

I was home.

Before that moment, I wasn't sure how it'd feel moving back to Willow. I had suspected I'd be happy, of course, because it's where James was, but actually being there and knowing it wasn't a temporary stay but a forever one, I saw things differently.

Most people would be eager to leave the clutches of small town life, and there I was thinking of nothing I'd love more than to sit in that room with James by my side as the years passed. Growing old together.

I'd lived the glamorous, big time life. And it was nothing compared to spending the rest of my days with the one person who made me feel whole. Or at least that was the plan.

I needed to ask him to actually move in with me first.

The sun was hot, making it feel more like early summer than spring. The humidity was high too, which only added to the heat and made me feel weighed down. I had missed it.

It was April, and I only had a few weeks before the offseason workouts began back in KC. Since James was a teacher, the last day of school in May meant he got a summer break as well, so he could some stay with me for a while. We wouldn't have to be apart as much as we'd thought.

My phone buzzed, and I pulled it from my pocket, smiling when I saw the text.

 _James: Hey, stud. You coming to the school for lunch?_

 _Me: Yes, your majesty. Anything specific you require for your meal?_

 _James: ...are you my Knight in shining armor now?_

I grinned, having way too much fun with this. After shooting another text to him-confirming that yes I was, in fact, a Knight. Both figuratively and literally-I left the sunroom and walked down the breezeway toward the house. I checked myself in the mirror hanging in the hall before grabbing my keys and going back outside.

In the days following my coming out article, I'd received a lot of support from people. Some I knew, but most I didn't. A few of the comments had stung, like one from a gay high school kid who was upset I hadn't donated to any LGBTQ charities and how I hadn't attended any Pride events in years past. I planned to change all of that and be a voice for the community, but it didn't change the fact that it had taken me so long to do so. The price of hiding who I was had been bigger than I'd thought, not only to myself, but to those who looked up to me.

Like Daniel.

I'd tried talking to him the other day when I'd arrived back in town, but he hadn't wanted anything to do with me. His anger was justified. When he opened up to me that day in the workout room at school, I _should_ have done more to help him. Even if it'd meant telling him the truth about myself.

I stopped to pick up lunch before driving to the high school. After finding a spot to park, I walked into the building and went to the office as usual.

"I was wondering when you'd show up again." Camille said when her eyes landed on me. "You know the drill."

I signed in and slapped the visitor's sticker on my chest, talking with her for a bit before leaving the office. The energy in the hallway was different than it usually was. Not in a bad way, but just...different. I received way more high-fives than usual, even from the more introverted kids who used to just look the other way when I passed them.

One kid, a guy with long black hair and heavy black eyeliner, fist bumped me and said, "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked, stopping by his locker.

"You were right. We _do_ deserve to be happy." He answered, looking down at his feet as a shy smile lifted the corner of his mouth. "Just...thank you for the reminder. Life isn't as shitty anymore. I hate all jock sports, but you're a role model to a lot of kids now. Freaks and jocks alike."

Then, he shut his locker and walked away.

Such a small interaction, but one that impacted me beyond words. My eyes stung and my chest tightened as I continued down the hall. I'd been called a role model before...but to know I'd helped a kid who was struggling with accepting himself? To know I'd made a difference in someone's life?

That helped me forget about all the negative shit that had been spread around about me lately. The hatred from religious groups, and some of the hockey fans who didn't like the fact a gay player was on the ice with their team.

I'd _just_ come out to the world, and the world expected a lot from me.

By that kid who'd just said I'd made _his_ world a little better did the same for me.

James wasn't in his classroom, so I went to the teacher's lounge. He was standing at the window, holding a can of soda in one hand as he talked to Logan. He hadn't seen me yet, so I took a second to check him out. He was wearing his glasses, which added to his sophisticated look of a dark gray button-up shirt and slacks.

But his greatest asset was his smile, one that made my heart beat just a little faster.

His hazel eyes then focused on me, and it was like time slowed down.

Memories from the night before flashed through my head. Me grazing my teeth down his neck as he kneaded the muscles in my back, and the sounds he'd made as I thrust in and out of his heat, becoming more his prisoner with each pumping of my hips into him.

Perhaps it wasn't the best time to remember our fuckfest from last night, but it was there in the teacher's lounge, seeing the way his face lit up when he noticed me standing in the doorway, that I knew I wanted to marry him.

Without a second thought as to who was around, I strode forward and placed the food on the table before pulling James into my arms and kissing him. It was the first time I'd even hugged him in public since coming out.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and tugged him closer, meeting his lips in a slow kiss that had my heart fluttering like crazy.

James was the one to pull away first, and one look at his flushed cheeks had me grinning.

"Sorry." I said, giving him some space but still reaching and taking his hand. "Making out in front of your co-workers probably wasn't my most brilliant idea. But I missed you."

James' face softened and he squeezed my hand. "Did you get the rest of your things unpacked?"

For the past few days, he'd been helping me unpack, but there'd been a handful of boxes we hadn't touched yet that I'd said I would do that morning.

"Yeah." I answered, leading him over to the table so we could eat. "It was just kitchen stuff. Your tools for when you cook for me."

"Oh yeah?" James arched a brow and sat down, sliding his box of food over. "What about when I'm not there? You'll have to learn to fend for yourself."

"Guess that's just why you need to move in with me."

That stopped him in his tracks-well, from shoveling the Pad Thai in his mouth-and he gaped at me. "Ken...I don't know if-"

"Just think about it." I said, smiling even though my chest cracked a bit. Was the idea of living with me so bad? "You don't have to decide right now." I reached across the table and lay my hand over his. "I just thought it made sense, seeing as how we're hardly ever apart these days."

"I do okay for myself." James said, withdrawing his hand. "I might not make as much money as you, but I get by. I don't need you paying for me."

 _So that's what's bothering him._

"Jay...that's not what this is about." I said, not taking my eyes off his. "I don't want you moving in with me because I think you can't take care of yourself. I want you to because I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I love you too." He said, still with a scrunched brow. "I'll think about it."

I changed the topic to my plans I had for the house, fixing the cracked fountain on the terrace and planting more flowers. I also wanted to get hanging plants for the columns out back, trim the hedges, and make the yard look nicer.

When I'd been younger, I had loved helping Gramps do yard work, and I knew he'd love to see the place liven up again.

After we ate, we left the lounge and went outside to where all the students were hanging out. They had another fifteen minutes left before they had to go back to class, so James and I thought we'd enjoy some fresh air while we could.

Daniel and Joel were standing with all the other hockey guys, and they were laughing and playfully pushing each other. However, when Daniel saw me, his smile fell and he glared before turning back to his friends.

"Just give him some time." James said, brushing his hand against mine before letting it fall away.

"He hates me." I pointed out.

"No, he doesn't." James faced me. "He's hurt. Besides, you're his hero, and it always affects us more when someone we care about hurts us. He'll come around eventually."

I stayed with James through the rest of the day, hanging out in his classroom and playing teacher's helper. Something funny was all the girls that used to be flirty with me were now all swooning, as if knowing I was gay made me more appealing to them. When I walked past their desks to hand out papers, they'd look at me with those dreamy eyes.

It was...odd.

James noticed it, and he fought back a laugh as he described what the days assignment was.

The class had finished reading the Tartuffe play and was moving on to the creative writing portion of the curriculum. Since there were only a few weeks left of school, James had wanted to still teach the kids something, but not make it too difficult.

Creative writing was a great way to let the kids express themselves while at the same time, learning valuable critical thinking and problem solving skills. It also helped build their vocabulary, taught them how to outline a story, and introduced them to the world of criticism. All while being able to write their emotions or whatever they wanted.

My man was kind of brilliant.

As James explained the assignment to the class, I took out my phone and scrolled through my messages. Dak sent me a picture of him and Stephanie wearing Love Is Love rainbow bracelets. I texted back that they were nerds, but amazing friends and I loved them.

Kelly emailed me about going on some late-night talk show to talk about my coming out experience and how I've been since then, which I replied to and said 'no thanks.' I didn't want to make it any more of a spectacle than it already was. I only wanted to focus on my last year with the Mavericks and enjoy it.

Then, I saw the text from Jett.

 _Jett: You're welcome, by the way. You're still all over the news._

 _Me: You really expect a 'thank you' for what you did?_

 _Jett: I did you a favor. One we both benefited from. You're now the hottest out and proud athlete, and I got a promotion. Plus a book deal._

 _Me: If your book has me as the subject, you'll need to rethink that. I didn't press charges against you for outing me to everybody, but if you continue prying into my life, I will make sure you never work at another magazine, or anywhere in publishing, again. Got it?_

Jett didn't message me back. He was probably hiding with his tail between his legs like the coward he was.

My threat was based in fact, and he knew it. I knew a lot of people in the industry, and he _really_ didn't want to fuck with me. There were loopholes he could jump through to still write his book, one that more than likely mirrored his article about being with me, but probably involved more explicit detail, and I wouldn't be able to legally do much on that front.

But as for his reputation? I could ruin that with just a few phone calls.

Not that I'd ever admit it to him, but I actually was thankful for what he did. When it happened, all I'd wanted to do was kick his ass. But now that I'd had the chance to calm down and the media had stopped freaking out over it so much, I was able to appreciate the freedom it had given me.

I no longer worried about people finding out I was with James and the uproar it would cause. I could just be _me_ , completely and freely.

"Mr. Diamond, Kendall is on his phone." One of the students said, causing me to almost drop said phone.

The whole class turned around and looked at me, most of them with impish grins on their faces. The little jerks.

"Mr. Knight?" James said, uncrossing his arms and walking toward me down the aisle of desks. He held out his hand. "Hand it over. I'll return it at the end of class."

"You can't be serious." I said, gaping at him. When he wiggled his fingers, I sighed and placed the phone in his outstretched hand.

Some of the students snickered, and I stuck out my tongue at them. I mean, if I was going to be treated like a child I might as well play the part.

Once James was back at the front of the room, he continued where he'd left off in his lecture, but he met my gaze over the heads of students, and the side smile was impossible to miss. He was enjoying this a little too much.

 _That's fine. I'll just show him who the real teacher is later._

And with that thought-of me bending him over his desk and fucking him senseless-I had to shift in my seat and look away. It was two o'clock, so there was only a little over an hour left of school.

Phoneless and bored, I nudged Joel's back, who was sitting in the desk in front of me.

He turned around with an amused look.

"Can I have a piece of paper and a pen?" I asked, feeling _way_ too much like I really was back in high school. I'd always been the kid who forgot his shit and had to borrow from others. Well, more like bug the hell out of James until he gave me some of his.

Joel tore a sheet of paper from his notebook and retrieved an extra pen from his backpack before handing them to me.

Daniel hadn't been the only one to treat me different since the coming out incident. Joel had too. He wasn't as angry as Daniel, but he certainly wasn't as easy-going as usual. It made sense, though, seeing as how they were best friends.

"Thanks, man." I said.

He nodded before facing ahead.

Focusing on the sheet of paper, I wrote at the top.

Possible Career Options

I underlined it about a million times before doodling on the ends of each word, which meant I still had no fucking idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Dak had said he wanted to go into sports broadcasting, but that didn't interest me. I had a degree in business organization. Maybe opening my own sports themed store would be fun. Or like a sports bar.

Fuck, I didn't know.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah, we got more Kames this chapter! We also saw that Daniel is still upset with Kendall. Oh, and Jett is still being...Jett. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next should be up sometime this weekend, so there hopefully won't be too long of a wait for that.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with this long overdue chapter! :P**

 **Before we get started,I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I think this chapter will make a lot of you very happy. :P**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

After school, I told James where I was going, and I headed toward the weight room. Knowing Daniel like I did, I knew he'd be there. And I was right.

"Hey, kid." I said after entering the room and seeing him doing bicep curls on one of the weight benches.

"What do you want?" He snapped, not looking at me.

"To talk."

He tossed the weight down before standing up. Sweat caked his dark hair and his gray shirt was darker in some spots, which told me he'd been in here in a while.

"Look, Dan, I'm sorry. Okay?" I said. "I shouldn't have kept it from you. Not after you confided in me. But I'm here now."

Daniel barged toward me with balled fists, causing me to take a step back. "Where were you when I needed you? My dad found out, Kendall! He walked in on me kissing Joel." Tears pooled in his eyes, and he became even more riled up. "He kicked my ass and told me if he ever caught me 'being a fag' again that he'd take me out back and put a bullet in my skull. I needed you. And you weren't here."

My heart was in my throat, and I stepped toward him.

"Kid, I-"

"Stop fucking calling me a kid." Daniel said, falling back on the bench and hanging his head. "I'm tired of adults saying one thing and doing another. I'm tired of being disappointed all the time."

"Why didn't you call me?" I asked, sitting beside him. "I gave you my number."

"I was too pissed at you." He answered before wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "And I didn't think you'd even care. Not with everything else going on in your life."

God. Was I that stubborn as a teenager?

"Well, I _do_ care." I said, gently nudging his side. "I'm not going anywhere either. Are you still staying with your dad?"

Now that I knew for sure that his dad was an abusive asshole, I wasn't going to let him stay in that environment.

Daniel shook his head. "No. When mom found out, she told me to come and stay with her. They divorced like five years ago."

"How does she feel about you being gay?"

Daniel shrugged and wiped at his eyes again, finally having calmed down enough to stop the tear flow. "She's struggling with it because of her faith, but she said she loves and supports me not matter what."

I nodded, and we slipped into silence until I nudged him again. "So...you and Joel, huh?" I asked with a sly grin.

Danielet out a groan and buried his face in his hands. "Yeah. It's been going on for a while."

"You know, that's how it started with me and James, um, Mr. Diamond." I smiled at the memory. "We were best friends for so long, and then one day...it just clicked. The time spent with him started to mean something different. I began focusing on how the edges of his eyes crinkled when he smiled, how his voice would get higher in pitch when he was excited, and how he'd grab my arm when he was scared. One day, he grabbed my arm and I didn't want him to let go."

Daniel regarded me before nodding and averting his gaze to the floor. "That's how it is with Joel. Even when I'm not conscious of it, I reach for him. Like instinct or something."

Minutes of silence passed, but I got the impression that's what Daniel needed, for me to _be_ there, but not to try and give him advice or tell him what to do. He just needed me so he didn't feel like he was going through it alone.

And it was within that silence that the answer to my question screamed in my head.

" _It's sort of hard to be passionate about the game when your own coach doesn't give a fuck."_ Daniel had said a while back when I first started helping him train.

With the realization of what I wanted to do after pro-hockey, I felt so damn stupid for not figuring it out sooner. The answer had literally been right in front of me the entire time.

I wanted to coach high school hockey.

I wanted to help the kids realize their dreams and aspirations early on and give them the tools to build brighter futures. To be a positive influence in their lives. It was the perfect way to continue doing what I'd discovered I enjoyed-working with teenagers-and still have hockey.

Later that evening, after working out with Daniel and getting back on good terms with him, I sat on the couch with James. We were at my house, watching something on TV after having eaten the amazing Italian food he'd made us for dinner.

I played with the hair at his nape, twirling a longer strand around my finger before finding another. He leaned his head on mine, and I turned my face to kiss his temple.

"I want to coach hockey." I said. "Hanging out with D today got me thinking about it, and it's something I really feel I'd be good at."

"You call him D now, huh?" He asked, amusement in his voice as he tilted his face up to meet my gaze. He didn't look surprised at all to hear about me wanting to coach hockey.

"You already knew." I stated, unamused. Okay, maybe a little amused. It was scary how much James knew me.

"I had a hunch." He said before leaning forward and touching his lips to mine. He tasted like red wine-that he'd insisted we drink with dinner-and he'd had another glass afterward too.

He hardly ever wanted to drink, so I suspected he had something to tell me.

I turned my body more toward him and guided him to his back on the couch. His hands roamed my sides before squeezing my ass through my sweats.

"Okay." I said, nudging his legs apart and sliding between them. "What's up?"

"You, apparently." James said with a grin. He looked between our bodies before focusing back on my eyes. "And me. We should do something about it."

Fuck, it was hard-no pun intended-to refuse him. I'd never been the best at denying sexual urges with James, but a bigger part of me took control. The part that was madly in love with him and didn't want to do anything to fuck it up.

"James…" I scrutinized him.

He laid his head on the couch cushion and peered up at me through his long lashes. "If you still want me to move in with you...I will." He said. Then he did the _James_ thing and started talking really fast. "I still don't want you paying for everything. I'll help with the utilities, groceries, and things like that. I want it to be equal between us, and I don't want to take advantage of you, and-"

And like usual, I shut him up with a kiss.

James moaned in the back of his throat and squeezed my ass again as our tongues tangled and our teeth clanked.

My heart was full.

James and I were going to live together, he'd be able to spend most of the summer with me in Kansas City for training, and our lives were finally on track for what they were always meant to be.

Two halves of a whole finally connected.

* * *

Friday evening, Kendall and I wanted to get out of Willow and have a night out. Fayetteville, the bigger city about thirty minutes away, was bustling with life as we drove down one of the main strips. Bars lined each side of the road, as well as restaurants, a bakery, an outlet mall, and one bar that was also a hot spot for concerts.

After parking, we got out of the car and walked down the sidewalk, hand in hand.

Funny enough, I think I was more nervous about the public hand holding than Kendall was. Not that I was ashamed, but no matter how progressive the place was becoming, I still had that fear in the back of my mind about not being accepted.

"You okay?" Kendall asked, drawing my attention back to him.

He wore a simple T-shirt, baseball cap, and jeans that night, but ever dressed that casual, he still looked like a damn model. Which he was. And from what Kelly said, apparently him coming out had made even more agencies reach out to him, wanting him for cologne ads, fashion magazines, and one who wanted him to model a new line of underwear.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I said, squeezing his hand a bit tighter as we passed a group of college kids. "How about you?"

"I'm fucking great." He brought our joined hands up to kiss my knuckle before turning to the entrance of a bar. "Wanna go in?"

I smiled when I saw the place. It was the same bar I'd gone to months before when I'd been trying to work out my feelings for Kendall.

"Sure."

When we entered, we were greeted by classic rock blaring over the speakers, wafts of cigarette smoke, and a lot of laughter. The place was small, but still really nice. Far from a dive bar, even though its location and size would've normally pegged it as such. Spotting two seats open at the bar, we headed that way and sat down.

"What can I get for ya?" The bartender asked. She was the same one from the last time.

"I'll have a beer, please." Kendall answered, pulling out his wallet.

Before I could say what I wanted, the bartender narrowed her eyes at me. "And you'll have an Angry Orchard?"

I gave a light laugh. "Yep. You remembered."

"Well, you kinda have a face that's hard to forget." She answered with a wink before turning and getting our drinks.

Kendall lifted a brow. "Damn. I'm not used to you being the one to get all the attention while we're out."

I bumped his arm. "Jealous?"

"Nah." He said with a smirk. "People can flirt with you all they want, but I'm the one you'll be going home with."

I leaned closer to him on the bar stool, and he slipped his arm around my waist, holding me. He looked freaking hot in his blue Kansas City baseball cap, and I fantasized about throwing him onto the bar top and fucking him right then and there. Something about him wearing a hat just did it for me.

Thankfully, I had way more self-control.

The bartender gave us our beers and Kendall handed her his card.

"So, is this the guy you were telling me about last time?" She asked me, nodding to Kendall.

Kendall snapped his head to me. "You told her about me? Aww."

"Shut up." I said to him, shaking my head. Then, I looked at her, feeling my face heat. "Yeah. This is him."

"Well, would you look at that?" She leaned against the counter and winked again. "Looks like I was right about the whole _fate_ thing after all."

When she left to help another customer farther down the bar, I looked at Kendall. The way he was staring back at me made the breath leave my lungs. There was a softness in his eyes that just wrapped around my heart and refused to let go.

His face inched closer, and before I registered what was happening, he kissed me, right there in the center of the crowded bar.

But I didn't think about the eyes that were probably glaring daggers into the backs of our heads. I didn't think about anything other than the way Kendall's lips felt against mine, and how even after all of these years, he still had a way of making me feel like we were the only two people in the world.

After we kissed, I looked around and was surprised I didn't see the glares I'd sworn I felt. Mostly everyone was going about their own business, drinking and chatting with their buddies. There were only a few guys looking at us, but the stares weren't venomous. They weremore curious, than anything. When one stood up from his table, I saw the Mavericks shirt and smiled.

"Hey, man." The guy said to Kendall once he'd approached. He was young, probably a couple years younger than us, and he had a lean, athletic build. "I just wanted to say congrats on the great season last fall, and good luck on the upcoming one."

"Thanks." Kendall shook his hand before motioning to the guy's shirt. "Not used to many Maverick fans around here."

"I live there." He responded, putting a hand in his front pocket while holding his near-empty beer in his other. "I'm just down here visiting a buddy for his bachelor party. Can I buy you guys a drink?"

That one drink turned to two, then three, and within the hour, Kendall and I had ended up at the guy's table with all of his college buddies. They were a great group of guys, and the groom-to-be seemed excited about getting married.

He talked about his girl so much that his best man-the guy who'd first approached us and whose name was Grant-practically forced beer down his throat to shut him up. That caused the guy to sputter a bit and spew some of it on the table, causing us to erupt in laughs.

"So, are you two a thing?" Grant asked us with a smile.

The other guys at the table looked at us, waiting for an answer, and I froze, not sure what to say. Anyone with eyes would've seen us making out at the bar earlier, but the years spent hiding our relationship made me hesitate.

"Yeah." Kendall answered, throwing his arm around my shoulders and tugging me toward him. He nuzzled the side of my head before resting his cheek on mine. His breath smelled like alcohol, and I knew he was drunk. I wasn't any better off, not used to drinking so much. "He's my guy."

"Which one is the girl in the relationship?" Another guy asked, I think his name was Beau.

I rolled my eyes at him, hating when gay men were asked that.

There were no girls in a gay relationship. That was kind of the fucking point. Same went for being asked who the top was and who was the bottom. There were a lot of us who didn't prefer one over the other, and even for the ones who did, it was personal and not something we wanted to tell random people about.

"Dude, you don't fucking ask that." Grant said to Beau, slapping his chest.

Beau's eyes went wide. "Sorry! I didn't know."

The tension vanished, and within minutes, we were all laughing again. Tyler-the groom-wanted to take a group selfie, so he held out the phone with one arm, and we all gathered around him and made crazy faces. That inspired Kendall to want to take even more pictures, and he had us all posing and acting like jackasses.

Funny how when I was drunk, I wasn't shy anymore. Go figure.

Kendall put his arm around me and kissed my cheek before taking a picture of us. He showed me that picture, and I was surprised I actually liked it. In it, I had a soft smile and my eyes were closed as I leaned against Kendall, who stared at me with a lovesick smile of his own.

"I'm posting it." He said, clicking his Twitter app. "People are going to lose their shit."

That sobered me up.

"Wait. What?" I tried to grab his phone, but he held it out of my reach. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, no one knows who I am yet."

"Yeah." Kendall answered, still grinning like the demon he was. "But I want the world to know that I love you." His smile faltered, and he lowered his arm. "Do _you_ want people to know, Jay? Because if you don't want me to tell anyone who you are, I won't. I just...I fucking love you and I'm tired of hiding you."

The hurt in his eyes crushed me. He thought I didn't want people to know I was with him.

"Post it." I said, grabbing his hand.

In a huge way, it was my own public coming out. I was a nobody, and now I was telling a shit load of strangers I was gay. That was something I'd have to do for the rest of my life anyway. Any new person I met and befriended, I'd eventually have to tell. Which was a major case of bullshit, but it's just how the world worked.

"When you two get married, can I be the best man?" Grant asked before finishing off his beer.

Tyler took away the empty bottle-that Grant was still trying to drink out of-and gently bopped him on the head with it. "Dude, you can barely be the best man for mine." He said with a teasing smile.

I knew they were best friends, and had been for a while, when Grant shot Tyler a smug smile before jabbing him in the ribs. Tyler countered the hit with one of his own, and the two drunk guys started giggling like school girls as they wrestled in the booth. Well, tried to.

Kendall tilted my face back to him and lightly kissed me. "I love you. Are you sure this is okay?"

I nodded, pressing my face against his hair.

He typed out a message to go with the photo and posted it.

XxX

"Hey, babe, you need to see this." Kendall said from the other room.

After pouring water into the coffee machine and starting it, I left the kitchen. Kendall was laying on the couch, one leg on the floor and the other stretched outward across the cushion, and scrolling on his phone.

I was a little hungover from the night before and had popped some painkillers earlier, but the damn headache refused to go away. A reminder as to why I didn't like drinking.

"What is it?" I plopped down between his legs and lay backward, my head on his chest.

"We're trending." He answered, holding his phone out to where I could look at it with him as he scrolled down his page.

He clicked on the picture he'd posted last night, and I read the message he'd sent with it.

 **Kendall_Knight:** _Out with my guy. We've been through a lot of ups and downs, but through it all, we found our way back to each other. He's my heart, my soul, and he makes me a better man_

"Wow. I didn't see what you'd actually said with it." I admitted, blinking back tears.

"I meant every word too." Kendall kissed my nape before tightening his hold on me. "Looks like some of my fans are trying to find us a ship name."

"A what?" I turned my head to look at him.

"You know, like our names meshed together to form one word. Like our relationship name." He explained, staring at me with amused green eyes. "Fuck you're old. You really don't know what a ship name is?"

"Shut up." I gently elbowed his stomach. "But anyway, what about your fans?"

Kendall nipped at my neck before resting his head back on the pillow and holding out his phone again for us to see. "Apparently, our names fucking suck. They were having a hard time finding one, so one of them created a poll and people are voting on which one they like the best."

"Jendall?" I asked as I read one on the list. I snorted as I saw the next next suggestion. "Kendmes. That reminds me too much of Shawn Mendes."

"Oh, it gets better." Kendall said with a smile in his voice. "Keep reading. Take a look at what's currently in the lead."

"Kames is winning?" I asked, failing to fight the laugh that threatened to bubble out of me. I guess out of all of them, that one did sound the best…

Kendall started laughing too, and we read a few comments from his fans. Of course, there were the homophobic assholes that never seemed to mind their own business, but the majority of the comments and mentions were in support of us.

 **ShyGuy:** _Thanks, Kendall_Knight! Because of you, I came out to my parents. Dad was kind of pissed, but I think he'll come around. Ignore the haters._

After that post, there were over a hundred more. We got up to make our coffee before sitting down at the kitchen table and reading through as much as we could. Although he tried to hide it, Kendall's eyes watered as he went through them. So many kids reached out to him, and some were guys our age too.

He started replying to them, and as he did, I sat back with my coffee and looked out the patio doors into the backyard.

Ever since the night I'd said I would move in with him, I'd gradually started bringing my stuff over. I was renting my house, so I had another month on the lease before I could officially be out of there. I'd brought over everything except for furniture and appliances, like my refrigerator, washer and dryer, and the temperamental toaster that sometimes worked, sometimes burned everything.

We had taken one of the spare rooms and were in the process of turning it into my home office and study. All of my books would go in there-inside the built-in bookshelves-as well as sitting chairs and my desk. There was even a fireplace in there too, which reminded me of those classic detective movies where the men sat in their studies in front of the fire and smoked out of a pipe. Not that I'd do that, but that's the visual I got when I pictured it. Like a Sherlock Holmes type setting where instead of solving cases, I'd grade papers and recite Shakespeare.

I loved the images that came to mind when I thought about me and Kendal a year from now. Two years. More than that.

Us sitting together at breakfast, sleeping beside him every night and waking up him every morning, hearing him laugh as we worked outside in the garden he wanted to build, and feeling his strong arms around me as we cuddled on the couch. They were all things I looked forward to.

He was my soulmate. It might've been overly sappy to think such a thing-especially since I was a bit of a skeptic and had a hard time opening myself up to most things-but I knew, without a doubt in my mind, that Kendall and I were meant for each other.

"What are you thinking about?" Kendall asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Us." I answered. "And how happy I am. When you first came back here, I never thought I'd let you back into my life. But now, I can't imagine my life without you. You said in your post that I make you a better man, but, Ken, you do that for me. I'm better for knowing you. And for loving you."

Kendall cleared his throat. "Can people stop fucking making me cry today? Damn it."

I left my seat and kneeled in front of him, taking his hands in mine and looking up into his watery eyes.

"Will you marry me?" I asked, feeling my heart beat faster. Maybe it was from hanging out with the bachelor party guys the night before combined with my own happiness, but I couldn't stop the words. More than that, I realized I didn't want to, even if I could. "Not right now because you have a lot going on in the upcoming months. But when your season is over and you're home, I'd love nothing more than to be your husband, Kendall Knight. We can't change the past, but we can make the most of every single day and create a future together. I don't have a ring, because I just now thought of this but-"

Kendall grabbed my face and joined our lips.

He tasted like coffee and his own familiar taste, and I swirled my tongue with his, feeling like my heart was about to burst. With love, joy, excitement. All of it. He hadn't said yes, but his actions said it for him.

"Damn you." He muttered after breaking our lip lock, staring at me with playful anger. "I wanted to propose to _you_. You asshole."

"It's not my fault you're so slow." I said and grinned when he snarled his upper lip. I met him for another slow kiss, and I ran a hand up his bare chest, loving the warmth of him. "So on our wedding invitations, it should say, 'you are invited to witness Kames' union,' because we might as well take advantage of our awesome ship name."

Kendall laughed, and my stomach fluttered at the sound. I wanted to spend the rest of my life hearing that sound.

"I thought the invitation could say something like this," Kendall said before clearing his throat. He focused on me with a serious expression, but I noticed his lips twitch a little. "Two households, both alike in dignity-"

"Hell no." I said before shoving his chest. "You ass. We are _not_ having a Romeo and Juliet wedding. Forget it."

"Ah, you killed my dream. Killed it, I tell you." Kendall grabbed a fork and held it upward, staring at it with a gleam in his eyes. "This is thy sheath." He quoted from the play. He brought it down to his stomach. "There rust, and let me-"

"Stop being a drama queen." I interjected, but seeing his _dead_ face-tongue sticking out and his eyes closed-I burst out laughing.

It was those small moments in life that made me step back and appreciate them for what they were. Memories I'd hold onto forever because they told of a time when we were happy and in love.

Small, seemingly insignificant moments that would end up meaning the most.

* * *

 **Done! So, there you have it! Kendall and Daniel are back on good terms, and it looks like Kames is getting married and happier than ever!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment! :)**

 **I loved hearing your thoughts on the previous chapter! It seems alot of you enjoyed the beginning. :P**

 **Unfortunately, we've reached the finish line of this story. There are two chapters left, with one of them being the epilogue. Those will both be up next weekend!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It feels like forever since this story has been updated, but here we are!**

 **Before we get into the chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Leaving James was difficult, but knowing I'd be seeing him again soon helped dull the ache slightly. I was heading back to Kansas City for offseason workouts, and in two weeks-maybe sooner-James would join me.

As I walked toward Dak and some of the other guys on the team, I tried not to let my exhaustion show. Knowing it'd be a bit before we saw each other again, James and I stayed up all night and into the early morning, fucking each other's brains out. Even though I was tired, I didn't regret a minute of it.

That was until we started working out, and I did squats and wall-sits. Yeah, anyone who said bottoms were weak needed a fucking reality check. It wasn't exactly a walk through the damn park to have a thick dick up your ass. But then that got me to thinking about James and said thick dick, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from pitching a tent in front of all my teammates.

"Anyone giving you shit yet?" Dak asked after we finished cardio. We were done for the day. He wiped the sweat from his brow before running the towel through his glistening hair.

"Not anyone I know." I answered, grabbing my water bottle. I took a drink and sat on the bench. "Just the usual social media trolls. The guys on the team seem okay with it. Why? Have you heard anything?"

Dak shrugged. "Nah. Basically just what you said." He fist bumped my arm. "If anyone on the team was giving you shit, I was gonna set them straight. No one messes with my boy."

"Better watch that kind of talk." I said, arching a brow. "People might think you're my bitch."

Dak laughed and shoved me before walking toward his locker. "Man, everyone knows you'd be _my_ bitch."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed a towel, walking into the showers.

It was then that I noticed it. The way some of the guys were looking at me as I entered the room. Brian, one of the centermen, shot me a look before turning his body away from me. Another guy, Anthony, didn't shield himself or anything, but he kept an eye on me as I passed him. I tried to hide the hurt I felt and went to one of the showers.

No one said anything bad to me, but they didn't have to. Their behavior was just a big slap in the face.

The days passed, and as they did, the guys on the team stopped being so weird around me. Not all of them, but most. Brian still gave me strange looks and acted like I was going to jump him sometimes, but the other guys began treating me normal again.

James and I talked every night, and we had cam sex a few nights a week. I missed actually being with him, though, and I was counting down the days until he was with me.

I thought about how that could've been our lives for the past seven years. If he hadn't dumped me over the phone and we had tried to make it work. However, we'd both been in different mindsets back then, and maybe if we'd stayed together, we would've fucked it up beyond repair.

I was a firm believer in everything happened for a reason. James and I had gone through hell so that we could come out on the other side, stronger and more in love than we'd ever been.

"Is it May twenty-fifth yet?" I asked over the phone, laying on my side on the couch and staring out the balcony window.

"Be patient." James said. "How're things going? Are the guys still acting weird around you?"

"Nah, they're cool now." I flipped onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. "They wanted me to go out and party with them tonight, but I said no. How's Daniel doing?"

"Better." James answered. "Things seem to be going great with his mom. All of the kids miss you."

"Yeah, they probably just miss you being mean to me in class."

James laughed, and I held the phone closer to my ear. I was so lovesick it was ridiculous.

"Veronica called me the other day." I said, saying whatever came into my head just so I could keep talking to him. It was late, but I wasn't ready to say goodbye. "She met some guy in Paris named Raoul and I guess things are getting serious between them."

"That's great." He responded before yawning. "She deserves to be happy. When does the magazine come out? The one you two did in Florida."

"Next week." I answered.

We talked for about ten minutes before the poor guy started sounding all raspy and tired. As much as I didn't want to, I told him goodnight and we got off the phone. The silence of my house was deafening, and the loneliness was suffocating.

After getting off the couch, I plugged my phone into the stereo before selecting a music playlist and hitting play.

I loved a variety of music, so it played Queen and then right after that a Johnny Cash song came on. I lay on the couch and was almost asleep when I heard the next song start to play. And just like that, my eyes started stinging, and I flipped to my side, hugging a pillow to my chest.

Tangled Up In You by Staind.

Back in high school, it'd been mine and James' song. One time we'd been making out in my truck, pulled off on the side of the road like we used to do all the time, and it had come on the radio. I'd sung it to him under my breath as he laid his head on my shoulder.

After we'd had our falling out, it had seemed to play everywhere, as if reminding me of what I'd lost.

Little did I know how much those lyrics would actually come to be true. Seven years without him, and I was still completely wrapped up in him. Today, tomorrow, and until my heart stopped beating, I'd always belong to him.

XxX

Nearly two weeks later, I received some news that had the potential to change the course I'd set for my future. The plan had been to play one last season and then meet the degree requirements to coach high school hockey. To settle down with James and live the American dream. Well, the dream I'd come to realize I wanted. One of a small town, spending each day with the love of my life and growing old with him.

And then those plans sort of did a one-eighty on me.

I was offered three more years with the Mavericks, and that included a four million dollar signing bonus.

"You don't have to accept right now." I was told. "But we need an answer by June, though."

James was on his way to Kansas City-he was driving instead of flying since it was only a five hour trip-and I sat outside on my balcony, waiting for him. And yeah, stressing out a little bit.

Once again...something was threatening to get in the way of our happily ever after.

When I'd made the move to Willow and started planning out a different course for my future, I'd really believed I was going to be released from the Mavericks. That my contract would run up, and I'd do something else with my life. I never thought they'd want to extend my contract.

I felt like I was being tested or something.

I had a flashback of the day by the lake when I told James I was going to attend USC. That I was leaving him behind. More than anything I wanted to erase the memory from existence, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't forget the immense, heartbreaking hurt in his hazel eyes when I shoved him to the ground and told him he'd never make anything of himself.

He might've been the one to break up with me over the phone, but _I'd_ been the one that had set it all in motion. The spark that ignited the flame.

My phone vibrated, pulling me from the past.

 **James:** _Hey you. I just pulled in._

Reading his text, my worries went to the back of my mind, and I jogged outside to meet him. He'd just gotten out of the car when I neared him and wrapped my arms around him, drawing him close to me.

"Ken, what-"

I kissed him, cutting off his words, and the piece of me that I'd left with him was finally back in place. I was whole once more.

James moaned against my lips and tangled his fingers in my shirt, holding me close. He hadn't shaved in a few days, and his stubble tickled me as I moved from his mouth and kissed along his jaw.

Leaving his luggage in the car, we went into the house before working our way to my bedroom. We bumped into the furniture along the way as we grabbed at each other's bodies and kissed.

I needed him too much to think of anything else, and by the way he attacked my mouth and pulled at my clothes as we went down the hall, I knew he felt the same.

Once we got to the room, we wasted no time before stripping out of our clothes and collapsing together on the bed. I'd wanted to make love to him and not rush the moment since it'd been so long since I'd seen him, but I was too fucking horny.

Thank God he was too.

"Fuck me, Ken." He demanded, digging his fingers into my hip as I settled between his spread legs.

"I like it when you're bossy." I said with a grin before grazing my teeth down his neck and farther down to his chest. I swirled my tongue around his nipple while I tweaked the other with my hand. "And when you moan."

He arched his back and flung his head back on the mattress, giving me a delicious view of his Adam's apple and strong neck. My gaze moved from his throat and to his toned chest, and I smoothed my hand down his ribs as I watched him writhe beneath me.

I stiffened even more at the sight and I knew I wouldn't be able to tease him much longer before fucking him senseless.

My mouth watered at the thought of tasting him, so I slid farther down his body and took him between my lips. His dick twitched at my touch and his hands entwined in my hair. He whimpered as I flicked my tongue against his slit, and it was a sound that went straight to my dick.

"You're so fucking sexy, Jay." I stroked his shaft as I peered up at him.

"What do you want to do about that?" He tilted his head to watch me, and his half-lidded eyes mixed with his messy brown hair and muscled torso made him the epitome of seduction.

I sucked him more, bringing him so close to the edge before pulling off his hard cock and squeezing his base to prevent him from coming. The moans had turned to frustrated growls, which pleased me just as much.

But soon, I couldn't deny him anymore.

After finger fucking him and getting him as relaxed as possible, I used some lube and slowly pushed into him.

"Damn." James gripped the bed sheets and looked up at me with both pleasure and pain in his gaze.

"You okay?"

He nodded, and I kissed his slightly trembling lips as I moved farther inside him.

I tuned into his body, paying attention to his breathing, the tightness of his hold on me, and the soft sounds he made. Breaking our kiss, I looked at him as I went even deeper. He winced, and I nuzzled the side of his head, hating that he was hurting.

However, then the sting of it lessened, and he gripped my back with more purpose. I pulled out of him before diving my hips forward and pumping back into his heat, drawing a moan from both of us.

"I missed the feeling of you inside of me." He said, staring up at me with _fuck me_ eyes. He parted his lips, and I captured his mouth, fusing our tongues as I continued fucking him.

The bed squeaked as I picked up my pace, pounding into him harder. When he dug his short nails into my ass cheeks and moved his own hips upward, meeting each of my thrusts, I groaned and hung my head on his shoulder.

"Fuck." I bit the base of his neck as he shuddered beneath me. "That's it. Milk my dick, baby."

James gasped as I bit him, and his nails dug into me deeper, probably drawing blood but I didn't give a fuck. "Mm. Don't stop. Right _there_."

I was in heaven as I fucked him, feeling his ass tighten as his orgasm took over. I reached between us and grabbed his dick, jerking him as cum shot onto his abdomen. And then I let myself go with him, coming so hard I nearly blacked out.

After rolling off him, I pulled him into my arms and pressed my lips to his forehead. My heart raced so fast that I heard the blood rushing in my ears. A damn weird feeling. Or maybe I was just so attuned to it because my body was crashing and I was sensitive to everything.

"We should be apart more often." James said, wrapping an arm around my waist and cuddling into my chest. "That was one hell of a reunion."

I laughed and rested my cheek against his soft hair.

An ache tore through my chest, though. If I accepted the offer for three more years, that'd definitely happen. More time apart and postponing our plans... _again_.

I held him tighter.

"Everything okay, Ken?"

"Yeah." I half-lied. "Just tired."

I'd need to talk to him soon, but for now? I was going to put all of that shit out of my mind and make the most of my time with him.

History had a way of repeating itself, and as I lay there holding James, I feared it might be true for us too.

* * *

Kendall was hiding something from me. There were moments when I caught him staring out the window or zoning out, and when I'd get his attention, he'd look like a deer caught in headlights as he tried to remember what we were talking about.

Being a natural born worrier and pro at overthinking, the possibilities I kept coming up with did nothing to ease my anxiety.

Had he cheated on me before I got here?

 _No, don't even go there_ I told myself, knowing Kendall would never betray me like that.

Was he second-guessing us? Maybe me proposing to him freaking him out. Or perhaps, it had nothing to do with me or us, but rather something that happened to him.

"See you later, babe." He said before hooking his arm around my waist and kissing my cheek.

I took the second to lean into him, already missing him. "Can we go out tonight?"

"Anything you want." Kendall looked at me with a smirk. His green eyes were lighter today, maybe because of the shirt he wore, and his blond hair stuck out a bit from his KC baseball cap. After kissing me quickly on the lips, he turned and grabbed his keys before heading toward the door. "I should be home around five."

Then, I was alone.

His house had that modern, sleek appearance and was ony two bedrooms. Nothing too huge, but the high vaulted ceilings and plethora of windows gave it that hint of extravagance. Most of his stuff had been moved to Willow, so the place was a little bare.

Thank God I'd packed some books to help pass the time.

Hours later, I was most of the way through A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara and crying my eyes out, when there was a knock at the door. After marking my place in the book and wiping at my eyes, I cleared the lump in my throat and went to answer.

The man standing on the other side of the door was hot. Intimidatingly so. He was a little shorter than me and had dirty blond hair, brown eyes, and the kind of perfectly symmetrical face and soft features that most people-men and women-would've killed to have.

"Can I help you?" I asked, feeling drastically inadequate in my tattered jeans, uncombed hair, and baggy shirt.

The man's brow narrowed as he gave me the up-down. "Oh. It's _you_."

The sneering way he said _you_ gave me a great idea of who he was. Kendall had told me about Jett after he was outed, but the picture in Jett's article didn't do him justice. And I hadn't really looked long at it, because jealousy had reared its ugly head.

That was normal, though, I supposed. Getting just a little bothered at seeing your man's irritatingly attractive ex.

I had the urge to slam the door in his face, but I inhaled and refrained from doing so. "Is there something you need? Last I heard, Kendall was done with you."

Jett clenched his jaw. "Is he here?"

"No." I answered, holding the edge of the door a bit tighter. _Don't slam it in his face. Don't be that guy._ "And even if he was, he wouldn't want to see you."

Jett's gaze trailed to my neck. "Looks like our Kendall still likes it rough. He was always leaving hickies and bite marks all over me too. Made it such a pain in the ass sometimes to cover up."

 _Oh, you shady mother fucker._

 _Don't take the bait._ Don't _take the bait._

"Have a nice day, Jett." I said, closing the door.

He slapped his hand to it before it shut and pushed it back open. "Give him these." He handed me a folder of papers. "They're from my attorney."

I gave him an exasperated look. "Are you suing him or something? You have no standing if you try."

"No, I'm not suing him." Jett snapped, glaring at me. "They're release papers to get his consent for the book I'm writing. So I can use his name and all of that."

"Hasn't he already told you no?"

"Look, I'm just trying to be nice here." He said, looking anything _but_ nice. "You know, trying to let him be part of the process instead of just going behind his back. However, I _will_ do it anyway, with or without his permission. My attorney said it's something called public interest since he's a celebrity of sorts, and lucky for me, gossip and smut is included in that category. Since he's already come out, my book won't be an invasion of privacy and won't tell the public anything they don't already know."

Jett nodded to the file. "If he doesn't sign those, I'll just change his name in the book. Maybe call his Wendell or something."

The asshole turned and went back to his fancy car after that, and I slammed the door and walked into the kitchen.

I placed the file on the counter before starting another pot of coffee. Yeah, it was three in the afternoon, but I needed a pick me up after _that_ freaking interaction. Since I didn't like to drink much, coffee would have to do.

Kendall was going to be pissed when I told him about it later.

Once the coffee was finished brewing, I poured a cup and continued reading my book. With a distracted mind, however, I had to read the same paragraph several times before understanding it. Eventually, I settled with finding a TV show to binge.

Two hours later, Kendall came home from training, and I explained what happened with Jett.

And yep, just as I'd expected, the adorable grin on his face left just as quickly as it appeared once the demon ex-lover's name was brought into the conversation.

"What the fuck did he say?" Kendall asked, tightening his hand into a fist at his side. "Did he give you any shit? I swear to God, I'll kick his ass if he did."

"Calm down, killer." I said, holding my hand up. I motioned to the file. "He wants you to sign some release papers so he can write his book."

"Fuck his stupid book." Kendall retorted, making me laugh. His lips twitched as he focused on me. "This isn't funny, babe."

"Then why are you smiling?"

"Because." He tugged me to his chest and brushed his bottom lip across the tip of my nose. The eye contact as he did it made me forget what we were even talking about. He was too freaking sexy for his own good.

I bit his bottom lip before sucking it into my mouth.

Kendall groaned and squeezed my ass through my jeans. "I want to fuck your brains out. But if I do, then we won't make dinner."

"You're taking me to dinner?" I asked, smiling.

"Well, you can't come to KC and not have KC barbecue at least once." He responded before slapping me on the ass. "Now go get dressed for date night."

I sneered at him before walking down the hall toward his bedroom. Inwardly, though, I was excited.

I'd been here for almost a week, and we'd gone to a few places together, but nothing big. I didn't _expect_ anything big. Spending time with him was more than enough for me. But it made me happy that he wanted to take me out. I guess a miniscule part of me still feared he was afraid of being seen with me as a couple, so every time he did something to combat that fear, my heart fluttered.

 _He is so getting laid tonight._

After I showered and changed into a nice shirt and jeans that didn't have as many holes, I fixed my hair, and then I was ready to go. Kendall had changed into a pair of jeans, a jersey, and still sported his hat. He had it on backward now, and for some reason, that just made him even hotter.

Before I could let my fantasies get carried away and tackle him on the hardwood floor, I asked "Where are we going?"

He held out his hand and I took it. "You'll find out."

We got into his car and buckled up before he drove us through town. His quiet, expensive neighborhood was only a minute or so from the bustling part of the city. It really was an awesome place to live, and I wondered if he regretted his decision to leave it all behind. But then he weaved his fingers through mine as he drove, looking so fucking happy, and I got my answer.

I smiled, returning his hold.

About five minutes later, we pulled into a place called Jack Stack Barbeque. I'd heard about it before, but had never eaten there.

Right as we got out of the car and walked toward the entrance, my mouth watered at the amazing aroma coming from the restaurant. The place was packed with people, but apparently the local celebrity had leeway and we were led past all the waiting people and taken to a booth in the very back of the restaurant. It was beside a large window and near the bar.

The attention didn't go to Kendall's head I'd noticed. He smiled at the excited fans and stopped to take a few selfies, but when we were away from them, he seemed humble and touched by it all.

Over dinner, he told me about his day. Since it was still the offseason, the coach had given them all a detailed program that covered running and lifting, as well as a schedule that gave him a rest period to recover from the strenuous workout. Toward the end of July, he' have to go to a summer training program camp where they'd begin an even more vigorous workout, as well as start learning the drills for the next season.

Kendall explained that the summer camp usually included a lot of speed training, plus a conditioning program that helped him with changing direction and increased his endurance.

Honestly, it sounded like hell.

I'd been on the high school hockey team with him and he been a pretty good player, but pro-level hockey was a whole other level of crazy.

"If summer camp doesn't kill you, maybe we can get married next year in the fall." I said after he'd told me more about his workouts.

"A fall wedding would be great." Kendall agreed, reaching across the table and taking my hand. He grinned, causing me to do the same. "Maybe we can even have it by the willow tree. The one we carved our initials into when we were kids."

I gaped at him, surprised he remembered that place. It was a small clearing on his land, but the picturesque scenery would make for one hell of a beautiful ceremony for sure.

"I'd love that." I said as my heart skipped a beat.

It didn't matter if we were in the middle of a crowded restaurant or wrapped around each other in bed, when I was with Kendall, time seemed to react differently. The hands on the clock still moved, counting the seconds and minutes. However, the seconds could last for minutes, and those minutes...hours. When his fingers interlocked with mine, The warmth of his touch would expand time. Draw it out as if we were moving in slow motion.

And when we kissed, the seconds would last a lifetime.

* * *

 **Done! So, Kames has been reunited! But between Jett and Kendall being offered more years with the Mavericks, their problems aren't over yet.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will sadly be the final one, and will of course contain the epilogue, so who knows what'll happen. ;) That will be up sometime over the weekend.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Sadly, we have officially reached the finish line of this story.**

 **Before we get into the final chapter, I would like to take a moment to thank everyone that has read this story. I also want to take a moment to give a huge thank you to thank winterschild11, annabellex2, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for constantly reviewing and taking the time to share your thoughts! I've loved hearing your thoughts and you all have made this so worth it. I love you all so much.**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I woke up a few mornings later and smiled as I stretched, feeling sore from a long night of sex but loving it. A grayish light shone through the window in Kendall's room, and thunder rolled in the distance. Knowing it was rainy and gloomy outside just made me want to lay in bed even longer and be lazy.

But then I stretched my arm toward Kendall and only felt a cool mattress. I looked at the digital clock on his nightstand and saw that it was seven in the morning. He wasn't working out today, so he didn't have to be up early. And Kendall was the kind of guy that liked to sleep.

Suddenly, the thought of staying in bed was no longer appealing, and I got up. Spotting my discarded pants on the floor, I pulled them on before leaving his room and going down the hall.

Before I reached the living room, I heard him talking.

"I don't really give a fuck what you want, Jett." Kendall growled into the phone. "I'm not signing those damn papers just so you can smear my name and talk about how I liked to fuck." A pause followed before he said, "Too bad. I don't condone you writing a book about us." Another pause. "Oh? So you were fucking other closeted guys too? Wow. You're a real piece of work, Jett."

Not wanting him to think I was purposefully eavesdropping, I moved into his line of sight and went toward the coffee machine. When we made eye contact, I gave him a tight lipped smile.

"I don't care if the other guys signed the release forms." Kendall continued, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Chapter nine will just have to be cut out of your book."

After he hung up the phone, he stood up and came up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and resting his head on my shoulder.

"You were chapter nine, huh?" I asked, closing the lid on the machine before hitting start. "How many chapters are there?"

"Twenty." He answered, not moving from his spot on me. "And yep, before you ask, it's a different guy per chapter."

I turned in his arms to face him and looked into his eyes. "Are you okay?"

He nodded and smoothed his thumb along my unshaven jaw. "I need to tell you something."

Damn. My stomach coiled. His words seemed like the equivalent of _we need to talk_ , which anyone in a relationship knows meant something huge was about to go down.

"Okay." I said, leaning against the counter and crossing my arms. It was a defense mechanism I'd picked up over the years to put some distance between me and the person confronting me.

"I got offered three more years." Kendall said, cutting right to it. He stood a few feet from me and ran a hand through his hair in that nervous way he did.

 _Not again._

Things had been going so great between us and we'd made plans for the near future. Plans that didn't involve him being gone for half the year. For three more years. Once again, those plans we'd made would be thrown out the window.

However… it wasn't about me. His passion was hockey and his dream career was to play it professionally. What kind of fiance would I be if I denied him that? Sure, we'd have to postpone certain plans, but life was made up of unexpected moments that made you switch things up.

"Congrats!" I leapt forward and threw my arms around neck. He gave a surprised grunt as he returned my embrace. "I'm happy for you, Ken."

And I honestly was. Beneath the slight disappointment and shock of the news, I was happy for him. Because I knew how much he wanted it. We could make it work.

"I told them no." Kendall said, leaning back to look at me. "As much as I love playing hockey, I love you more, Jay. I let go of you once for my career, and I won't make that same mistake again."

He pressed his head to mine and hugged my waist tighter. We kissed then, and conflicting emotions went through me. Happiness that he said no, but also heaviness in my gut because I felt he'd regret that decision. It was the same struggle I'd faced the day I broke up with him.

I snuggled more against him, finding my favorite spot to rest in the crook of his neck.

"Is that what you want, though?" I asked. "I don't want you giving up your dream for me."

I could handle a lot of things in life, but having Kendall mad at me for something so selfish was not one of them. I refused to crush his dreams.

"I'm not doing it for you." Kendall answered before kissing my forehead. "I'm doing it because I can't wait to go home with you and start building the life we've always talked about. The life that you selflessly gave up so that I could live my dream." He continued with a smile. "I'm excited about coaching the high school guys and getting to know the kids better, but most importantly, I can't wait to spend every day with you. _That's_ what I want. To love you with everything I have until my heart stops beating."

"You should put that in your vows." I said, trying my best to hold back the emotions that were threatening to spill over.

Kendall flashed his heart melting-boner inducing and probably panty dropping too-smile. "I still say we should go all Romeo and Juliet on that shit."

"And do what? Drink poison and stab ourselves at the altar?"

He laughed. "Just the romantic part of it."

I groaned and buried my face in his neck. "You _do_ know that's a tragedy, right? Pretty sure we've already been over this. A million times."

He glided his hand up and down my spine before resting it on my lower back. Leaning closer, he whispered in my ear, "It's a romance."

I playfully shoved his chest and backed up. "You're delusional."

"And you're adorkable." He countered, striding forward and pulled me back against him.

Our lips were inches apart as he stared into my eyes.

When it came to true love, fate, and happily ever after, I'd been a skeptic. Kendall was the exception to it all. He'd made me believe in soulmates. That there was one person in the world that completed you, like a puzzle finding its missing piece.

"Honestly, I don't care if we have a Romeo and Juliet wedding, or if we get married down at the courthouse." I said, staring into the green depths of his eyes and feeling myself get lost in his gaze. "Just as long as you're with me."

Kendall smiled, causing the edges of his eyes to crinkle. So much love shown through those eyes.

"So," He said, running his hand up my side. "Does this mean I need to order a dress instead of a tux? Because I call dibs on Juliet."

I shook my head and looked at him like he'd lost his mind.

But I loved it. The way he made me laugh so easily, the warmth in his eyes as he held me in his arms, and the softness of his voice as he leaned in and whispered in my ear that he loved me. There were so many sides to him. The hockey star, the model, the carefree immature side followed by one with in-depth thoughts and sharp wit, and then the sweet, romantic side that turned even the most disbelieving people-me-into saps.

Our love story was far from a fairy tale, but it was ours. And it was real. I didn't need a knight in shining armor. I just needed a dork with a dimpled smile and whose heart beat on the same frequency as mine.

* * *

 _One Year Later - October_

So much had happened in the past year. The closing of one door, but the opening of so many others. My career in pro-hockey was over, and while it had been bittersweet at first, I was ready to turn to the next page in the story of my life. I'd taken the necessary courses in the winter to get my coaching license, and I'd started coaching high school hockey that August.

I loved it even more than I thought I would.

James had gone to most of my games for my last season of playing hockey. I'd stood on the ice with my teammates, hearing the crowd roaring around us, and somewhere in the stands, I knew he was watching. Cheering.

After the games, I'd tugged him to me, kissing him in front of everyone. We'd go out with my teammates afterward and party sometimes, and other times we'd choose to have a nice, quiet dinner out, but we always ended up in the same place. Tangled up in each other in bed.

The Mavericks had a great season, and although we lost some games, we'd also won some. But win or lose, I'd always played my hardest, giving it my all. I had cried after my final game, both afraid to let go of what I knew and excited to move forward.

That's what I loved about life. The unexpected moments that led you from one path and to another.

And now that path was leading me down the aisle to marry the love of my life.

The smell of fall was around us. Which was fitting seeing as we were outside in a meadow, surrounded by trees in the midst of brightly changing leaves of orange, yellow, and red. It had rained the day before, so the air smelled damp and earthy as well as crisp. Someone had their fireplace going nearby, and the scent of wood smoke was carried with the light breeze.

The willow tree-mine and James' tree-was to my right, and its long branches swayed with the wind. We'd wanted the wedding to be small, so only our closest friends and family were in attendance.

Veronica sat in the front row, on my side, with her boyfriend, Raoul. She wore a red gown that looked amazing on her subtly tan complexion and wavy blonde hair. A smoky gray eyeshadow covered her eyelids and made her blue eyes pop like sapphires.

"Don't faint." She mouthed.

I rolled my eyes, but smiled anyway.

With two grooms, it'd been a little tricky to plan the wedding ceremony. Did I come out first, and then him? Vice versa? James and I'd researched how other gay couples had done it, and some had walked out together, from different directions, and then met in the middle. That had seemed like a good idea, but then I asked if he could walk down the aisle toward me.

Yeah, he had then made a quip about being the bride, but I explained to him my reasoning.

"I want you to choose me." I had told him that night, after we'd made love and were holding each other in bed.

"I _do_ choose you, Ken."

"No, I mean...I want you to be the one to walk down the aisle." I said, grazing the tips of my fingers along his shoulder blade. "It's hard to explain, but having you be the one to come to me, and then me taking your hand...I don't know. It sounds stupid, but it's like you're making the choice to be with me. That even after all the heartache I've put you through, you forgive me and want to spend your life with me."

"Don't forget I played a role in all that heartache too." He pointed out, staring up at me with inquisitive eyes. "Are you afraid I'll change my mind?"

I shrugged, swallowing the lump in my throat. He'd hit the nail on the head.

"Okay." He said before kissing my collarbone. "If it eases your mind, I'll be Juliet."

And just like that, the sadness was lifted and we laughed. Just as I hoped we'd spend the rest of our lives laughing.

At the memory, I teared up.

 _This is it._

More than twenty years of friendship, with seven of those years being filled with regret, and it all came down to this moment. I couldn't see James, but I felt him. I knew his heart was racing just as fast as mine as we waited in anticipation for the moment when he'd walk down the aisle. For the moment when we said our vows. Promises to love each other through thick and thin.

I looked out into the gathering of people, seeing Veronica and Raoul, Dak and Stephanie, and James' parents. Dak gave me a thumbs up, and I gave a nervous smile. Daniel and Joel were there too, along with Joel's parents and Daniel's mom.

Joel and Daniel had graduated last May, so I never got the chance to officially coach them, but James and I still saw them a lot. Both boys were attending University of Arkansas together. Joel was going for computer science and Daniel was taking the classes for a bachelor's degree in organizational leadership while pursuing college hockey, just like I'd done.

Although it was a small wedding, I'd spared no expense. I wanted it to be perfect. Something we'd remember when we were old and gray.

I'd hired a professional decorator who had created a beautiful archway, sitting area, and had made the meadow look like something out of a fantasy movie. I also hired a band, which was playing soothing, classical music. James' favorite. They were on a Bach symphony, when all of a sudden, they ended the song and began playing something entirely different.

An instrumental version of Staind's Tangled Up In You.

James came into view, and the tears I'd worked my ass off at keeping back started to fall anyway.

A cello played the melody of the lyrics as he walked toward me, down the aisle of flower petals and past our friends and family. His dad walked with him, not keeping it together at all as he wiped his eyes.

I smiled and began feeling anxious.

James was so close but still too far away. I needed to touch him. To have him in my arms.

"And who gives this man away?" The wedding officiator asked.

"I do." Tom said. "His father."

I stepped forward and Tom placed James' hand in mine. Finally, I could breathe. I interlocked out fingers, smiling into James' watery hazel eyes, and together, we turned and faced the pastor.

"Friends and loved ones, we are gathered here this day to join Kendall Knight and James Diamond in matrimony." He started in on the beginning of formalities of the ceremony, but all I could focus on was James' hand in mine and the insane rushing of blood through my veins.

It was already the happiest day of my life, and it wasn't even over yet.

"Now, is it correct you two have written your own vows?" The pastor asked. We said yes, and he motioned for us to continue.

James took a deep breath and looked into my eyes. I nodded to encourage him, and he squeezed my hand. Public speaking was an anxiety of his.

"I'd be lying if I said I liked you when we first met." James started The crowd laughed at that, as did I. "You stole my crayon and it caused our first ever fight. But even then, even when we were five, I knew there was something special about you. You became my best friend and from that, we fell in love. You've loved me at my best, and you've loved me at my worst, and I want you to keep on loving me, as I have always loved you."

"Not sure I can top that." I said when it was my turn, which caused another laugh from our friends. "Guess now is probably a weird time to tell you that the reason I stole your crayon in kindergarten was because you were wearing a dinosaur shirt, and I thought you were cool." James chuckled and wiped tears from his eyes. "You're my best friend and always have been. Sorry, Dak."

Dak gave me a shit-eating grin and called out, "Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

I looked back at James, gaining strength from the warmth in his eyes. "Through epic battles through Middle Earth to destroy one ring, journeys across the high seas as pirate lords in search of lost treasure, and with every shared laugh, I have fallen madly and stupidly in love with you, James Diamond. I want nothing more than to be yours. Forever."

"Repeat after me." The officiator said before starting the end of the vows.

James asked me to be his, and I said _I do_. He slid the ring on my finger, and more tears streamed down my face. Fuck, I hated crying in front of people, but I was happy and overcome with that happiness.

Then, I asked him to be mine. And as dumb as it was, my breath hitched in my throat as I waited for him to say those two incredible words.

"I do." James said, slightly trembling as I slid the ring on his finger.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Arkansas, I now pronounce you husband and husband." The pastor said and smiled as he stepped back. "You may now kiss your husband."

James and I locked gazes before I slid my arm around his lower back and pulled him to me.

It was throwing tradition out the window, but I had something to say before sealing the deal. I'd researched Shakespeare quotes the night before, since James and I liked to recite random shit to each other time, and I found one that was fucking perfect for this exact moment.

I stroked his freshly shaven jaw and quoted from the play Cymbeline, "I can express no kinder sign of love, than this kind kiss."

And then I kissed him.

XxX

"Great job today, guys!" I said after hockey practice that Wednesday afternoon. "We're going to kick Charleston's ass on Friday."

"Hell yeah!" Liam cheered before fist bumping another kid named Reese.

The guys went to their lockers and started changing out of their gear. I was still getting used to being on that side of the line, the coach instead of the player. But damn if I didn't love it nearly as much. Seeing the excitement on the boy's faces and seeing their growth as not only athletes but as great kids was just incredible.

"Thanks for everything, Coach Knight." Alexander said once I'd walked out of the boy's locker room. He wasn't officially on the team yet, but he had asked for my help in getting prepared to join next year. "Did you and Mr. Diamond have a good honeymoon?"

"The best." I answered with a smile. My ass was still sore from it, but I was keeping that detail to myself. "Great job out there today, Alex. Keep playing like that and you'll make the team next year for sure."

"Really?" He asked with disbelief.

"Definitely."

Alex smiled and threw his arms around me. "You're awesome!"

I patted him on the back, grinning. He was so shy, but he was one hell of a player. He had no trouble keeping up with the other guys on the ice.

After saying bye to him, I went to my office to get my gym bag before walking out to the parking lot. James had already gone home, since I'd had to stay for after school football practice, and I was eager to get home to him.

I wondered if it'd always be like that. That never-ending desire to have him with me. Probably. I'd heard newlyweds went through that phase, where they constantly fucked and couldn't get enough of each other, but I believed it was less of a newlywed thing and more of a James thing.

It was just him.

It'd always been him.

When I pulled up to the house, I saw him through the kitchen window. I couldn't see what he was doing, but it looked like he was wearing an apron. My sexy little chef. When I first came back to Willow, I would've never thought we'd be here. Happily married and falling more in love each day. But we were.

Dak and Stephanie were staying with us for a while since Dak had insisted on visiting us.

During Dak and I's final year of hockey, James and Dak had spent a lot of time together. "I have to get to know my Best Friend-In Law." Dak had said. As ridiculous as he had been, it made me happy that they both had gotten along and had become so close. Even though Dak sided with James during each and every one of our arguments, the traitor.

I saw Dak and Stephanie walking hand-in-hand down the small stone path James and I had built a few months ago that led from the sunroom and to the terrace in the backyard.

I got out of the car and walking up the porch.

"Honey, I'm home." I said like the goofball I was as I went inside.

"Oh yeah?" James called from the kitchen. "Why don't you come peel these sweet potatoes then, honey?"

Cracking a smile at his smartass mouth, I entered the kitchen. James moved the glasses up his nose as he read something in his recipe book, looking too fucking cute. I hugged him from behind, kissing his shoulder. He smelled like cooking spices and his subtle cologne.

He turned in my arms and kissed my jaw. "About time you got home."

"Feel free to punish me later." I suggested, wiggling my eyebrows.

"Shut up and kiss me." He said before taking a handful of my shirt and drawing me to his chest.

Obeying his command, I kissed him. His soft lips opened to my welcome tongue, and I tasted him like I was an addict and he was my drug of choice. James moaned and snaked his arms around my waist, swirling his tongue with mine.

I would never get tired of kissing him.

With that thought, another thought sprang to existence. Well, more like a memory. One of us as eighteen year old boys, lying together by a lake in the summer. The summer before everything changed between us. James had tasted like banana Laffy Taffy as we'd made out on the grass, beneath the hot sun.

"I think I could spend forever kissing you." I said, staring into his hazel eyes and holding his hips.

At first, James didn't seem to catch on, but then...he did. His features softened and he nuzzled my jaw.

"I think I'd let you." He responded, repeating the exact words he'd said to me all those years ago.

Second chances rarely happened in life. Once something broken, it was hard to pick up the pieces and make it whole again. James and I had been given a second chance, and there was no way in hell I was letting it go to waste. We'd done a lot to fuck it up between us, and yet, we somehow found our way back to each other.

Found our way back home.

* * *

 **Done! You guys know I couldn't end this without giving Kames the happily ever after they deserved. I also couldn't help but throwback to the first chapter to bring things full circle. :)**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts the chapter, and story in general, as well as if you happened to have any favorite parts/moments!**

 **Once again, thank you all so much for your support! I've loved every second of this. And although I'm sad to see this story end, I'm excited for what next. I love you guys so much, and I hope you all enjoyed this story! :)**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


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